I bought my grandson a portable power charger shaped like a lady bug.
Now he has beetle juice!!
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 08 2021
Sean Connery was making a tennis date with a lady friend.
He asks her "what time would you like to meet?"
She says "Tennish"
He says, "I know but what time?"
π︎ 25
π
︎ Jun 04 2021
A baseball player was shopping at the dairy while in a bad mood. He'd played in a home run derby yesterday; though he got more runs than anyone else, another player was awarded the trophy. While in line at the register, the lady in front of him was short on cash. He decided to do a good deed, so...
The bitter, better-batter bought her butter!
π︎ 12
π
︎ May 29 2021
I once knew a lady who was into crocheting in the dirt.
You could say she was in the knitty gritty.
π︎ 7
π
︎ May 17 2021
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 21 2021
How does a French lady hold her liquor?
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 05 2021
A lady just told me she recognised me from the vegetarian restaurant...
But I'm pretty sure I never met herbivore
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 17 2021
What do you call a lady who refuses to pay her bills?
π︎ 21
π
︎ Apr 25 2021
How does a military dad alert his son that a hot lady is nearby?
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
I know I have a terrible stutter, but I would like to introduce you to the lady who cuts my hair
This is Ba ba ba ba barber Anne.
π︎ 42
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
A toothless old lady in hospital always gave away the peanuts she was given by her visitors to the nurses to eat.
One day a nurse asked her why she didn't ask for grapes instead of nuts.She replied that you can't get grapes with chocolate coating!
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 16 2021
First time my dad took me to church I noticed there was a lady disrobing dolls and putting the clothes on a small cross. I asked my dad what she was doing.
He said "Oh that's just a cross dresser..."
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Got an idea for a movie about an old lady who's into poker and knitting...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
What do you call a lady's private parts made from sugar, butter and chocolate?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 20 2021
My friend told me he once met a lady with twelve breasts. "Sounds strange," I had to tell him....
π︎ 19
π
︎ Feb 26 2021
a lady goes to the doctor and says Iβm addicted to Twitter
the doctor says I donβt follow you
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Three old ladies on a bench...
Isn't it windy.
No, it's Thursday.
So am I, let's get a cup of tea.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 08 2021
There was an old lady who swallowed a horse
π︎ 12
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
There's a dinner lady at our factory, who's almost seven feet tall.
She's our longest serving employee.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
Vandals drilled a peephole into the ladies bathroom.
The police are looking into it.
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
I went into a clothes store and a lady came up to me and said βif you need anything, Iβm Jill.β
Iβve never met anyone with a conditional identity before.
π︎ 70
π
︎ Sep 17 2020
Three old ladies were having a picnic when the following conversation took place.
First lady: Isnβt it a bit windy?
Second lady: I thought it was Thursday.
Third lady: Me too, letβs have a cup of tea.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 27 2020
A lady walked into a bar and asked the bartender for a double entendre
π︎ 4
π
︎ Dec 15 2020
A beautiful lady called me Santa
i said " Ho Ho Ho please"
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
I watched an old lady in a head wrap get mugged for her purse before she quickly stabbed the man and took it back.
It was a shawl shank redemption
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 22 2020
Lost a race to a catholic lady in long robes today
I thought I was the fastest, turns out Iβm second to nun
π︎ 86
π
︎ Aug 30 2020
I did a good deed today by giving up my seat on the bus to an elderly lady...
How was I supposed to know sheβd never driven a bus before?
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 15 2020
Two monsters were at a party having a good time when one of them noticed a lady monster rolled her eyes at them. The monster asked his monster friend "what should I do?"
The other other monster replied "be a gentleman, roll them back to her."
π︎ 12
π
︎ Nov 02 2020
How do you call a lady with bad luck?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Sep 29 2020
What do you call a lady cop?
π︎ 6
π
︎ Oct 05 2020
I know a lady who means well, but is very annoying telling people how to mark their trails...
Sheβs a caring cairn Karen.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Oct 10 2020
I know a lady called Sue who makes sails.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Aug 01 2020
This is (practically) the corniest gift imaginable. At the bottom of the soon to be gift wrapped box of corniness was a pair of Korn tickets for my lady...who enjoys my corny puns.
π︎ 22
π
︎ Jan 25 2020
The old lady who lives next door keeps talking about a small deep-ground reservoir...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
I met a lady at a bar who was a housekeeper. I offered to buy her a drink. She said, "sure. I'll take a scotch..."
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 08 2020
I got stopped in the street by a lady conducting a survey.
"What do you know about dwarfs?" She asked.
"Very little." I replied.
π︎ 37
π
︎ May 10 2020
What do you do if a lady pushes you into a manhole?
π︎ 84
π
︎ Mar 12 2020
Ladies and gentlemen, a classic pun right here
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 15 2019
A lady at work commented on the holes in my jumper.
I replied βDarn it Sharonβ
π︎ 5
π
︎ Aug 06 2020
I once dated a lady who had beef with me
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jul 02 2020
A lady stormed off when I asked about her hand bag.
Maybe the question was to pursonal.
π︎ 80
π
︎ Dec 07 2019
There is a lady who lives down the street from me who only eats plants.
Youβve probably never heard of herbivore.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Feb 03 2020
Just got back from an interview as a housesitter. The lady said it involved some light housekeeping.
I've answered 'I've never kept a lighthouse before, but I'm willing to try'.
She said she'll give me a call.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
Last night, my girlfriend told me I'm very attractive and she's a lucky lady.
I told her if I'm attractive then she's a moLUCKular lady.
π︎ 10
π
︎ Apr 23 2020
We have reached a stage of enlightenment ladies and gentlemen
π︎ 291
π
︎ Jun 15 2019
Seen a strawberry with a gun, robbing a lady.
Guessing he was in a jam.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
What do you call a black lady that installs and changes catheters?
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
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