Ain’t nothing but a heart break
👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Sep 18 2020
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Poor woman’s heart is going to break.
👍︎ 43
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📅︎ Sep 29 2019
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Someone asked me to sing a line from "Don't go breaking my heart"

I couldn't if I tried

👍︎ 22
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📅︎ Dec 27 2018
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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Bump…

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

👍︎ 40
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📅︎ Nov 18 2020
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As my 17yo son is telling me about his new girlfriend, whose name is Autumn...

I said 'be careful, she might leave you.'

He did not get it at first, so I had to repeat myself a couple of times...but I would have done that anyway.

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/Drumlin
📅︎ Nov 12 2015
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Trying to get my dad to answer a question doesn't go so well...
👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/ZTLER5223
📅︎ Oct 14 2013
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My Dad and Uncle

We were visiting relatives in Canada last summer, including my Dad's brother (so, my Uncle) and his son Brandon. We were around the bonfire one night and Brandon was carving something for his girlfriend Emerald out of spare wood (it actually looked pretty cool). My Dad and Uncle saw the thing, it had a heart that said "B+E" in the middle. Uncle: "What's that supposed to mean, 'break and enter?'" Dad: "Probably 'Bert and Ernie'." Then they laughed like crazy. They joke around like that all the time when they get together, it's pretty hilarious.

👍︎ 15
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👤︎ u/Martin194
📅︎ Aug 31 2013
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It was a dark and foggy night

A man is walking home alone one foggy evening, when behind him he faintly hears:

thump...

thump...

thump...

Senses tingling, he begins walking faster only to look back and make out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

THUMP...

THUMP...

THUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, and with the lid of the casket clacking on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Clappity-THUMP...

Rushing upstairs to the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH! the casket breaks down the door. Thumping and clapping towards him, the man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws it at the casket and...

The coffin stops.

👍︎ 12
💬︎
📅︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night

When behind him he hears:

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Walking faster, he looks back and makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street towards him.

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

Terrified, the man begins running home, the casket bouncing quickly behind him.

FASTER

FASTER

BUMP...

BUMP...

BUMP...

He runs up to his door, fumbles with his keys, opens the door, and slams it shut and locks it behind him.

However, the casket crashes through the door, with the lid of the casket clacking

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

Clapity-BUMP...

on his heels, the terrified man runs.

Rushing upstairs in the bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding; his head is reeling; his breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him

A man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is a bottle of cough syrup! Desperate, he throws the bottle of cough syrup at the casket and...

The coffin stops.

👍︎ 46
💬︎
📅︎ Dec 05 2018
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