A list of puns related to "Lady Name"
The lady at the vet: “what’s his name?”
Me: “The shelter told me his name is Toby”
Her: “Well, what does he think his name is?”
Me: “........ Kunte Kinte”
She didn’t get it. Once in a lifetime joke wasted.
The man behind the counter sang "NOO Black Betty, ham or lamb"
The neighboring store front and exterminator van in the opening credits have the best punny business names and always crack me up. I'm a fan and would love to name my business in a similar fashion. ETA Examples: I'd Hit That Boxing Gym. Lady and the Clamp, Hardware for Her. A Fridge Too Far. Cupid's Stupid, Divorce Attorneys. A Ton in the Oven, Big and Tall Baby Clothes. Let's Scissor! Collage Studio. Don't Stop Bereaving, Grief Counseling.
But I am So. Stuck.
A little background about my business idea: I'm a personal/sometimes virtual assistant specializing in household admin and management. I'm marketing mostly towards blue collar men who might be widows/divorcees who never had to worry about the general finances and household paperwork. Some of the services offered are: budget setting, bill paying, appointment setting/calendar management, travel arrangements, errands, personal & grocery shopping, pet & house sitting, etc...
I'm ready to take the next steps in making this an actual business and take out some ad space, but the perfectionist in me NEEDS a brilliant name. Can someone please help me? The best I can come up with is some sort of play on Pepper Potts, but I see quite a few VAs out there with that as a business name. I will gift a platinum to the one I like the best if that's appropriate.
Thank you in advance! 🍔
Hey all! I'm writing a play for my third grade class all about healthy habits and it's full of TV parodies. One show is Game of Thrones. For example, one character is Jon Snowpea. Can you guys help me come up with some food or exercise puns for the full title of Danaerys: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, the First of Her Name, The Unburnt, Queen of the Andals, the Rhoynar and the First Men, Queen of Meereen, Khaleesi of the Great Grass Sea, Protector of the Realm, Lady Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Breaker of Chains and Mother of Dragons”. Thanks!!
Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.
What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.
Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.
Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.
I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.
What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.
You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.
“Every time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, ‘The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
“I’ll call you later!”- “Please don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”
Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!
What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.
This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.
“My dad literally told me this one last week: ‘Did you hear about the guy who invented Lifesavers? They say he made a mint.’”
“Whenever the cashier at the grocery store asks my dad if he would like the milk in a bag he replies, ‘No, just leave it in the carton!’”
I got so angry the other day when I couldn’t find my stress ball.
If I had a dime for every book I’ve ever read, I’d say: “Wow, that’s coincidental.”
I’m not indecisive. Unless you want me to be.
How many apples grow on a tree? All of them.
How does a penguin build it’s house? Igloos it together.
“Me: ‘Dad, make me a sandwich!’ Dad: ‘Poof, You’re a sandwich!’”
“I heard there was a new store called Moderation. They have everything there
A steak pun is a rare medium well done.
“How can you tell if a ant is a boy or a girl? They’re all girls, otherwise they’d be uncles.”
Milk is also the fastest liquid on earth – its pasteurized before you even see it
“What’s Forrest Gump’s password? 1forrest1”
The only thing worse than having diarrhea is having to spell it.
I asked my friend to help me with a math problem. He said: “Don’t worry; this is a piece of cake.” I said: “No, it’s a math problem.”
I keep trying to lose weight, but it keeps finding me.
I don’t play soccer because I enjoy the sport. I’m just doing it for kicks.
Did I tell you the time I fell in love during a backflip? I was heels over head.
I used to work in a shoe recycling shop. It was sole destroying.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
... keep reading on reddit ➡My wife and I are signing our loan docs today with the title company.
Wife: "I don't get why you sign your name so fast but write the date so slow."
Me: "I guess ever since we got married I don't date as often as I used to."
Title Lady: "Booooooo."
She later acknowledged that she hadn't heard that one in 21 years of doing her job. I've never been so proud and ashamed at the same time.
I've been making at least a pun a day for the last week for a new friend, last name Purdy, and I'm starting to run out. I've used: -You're doing Purdy good -Ok Purdy lady -Purdgatory -ImPurdinent -Purdhaps and a few more
I don't want to run out! Help!
One day, an elderly woman was walking along the street, coming home from the supermarket. Her bag of groceries was especially heavy that day, and as she passed Nathan Hale's Used Cars, she got an idea that she could drive herself to the store and save a lot of shoe leather, time and aching muscles. She walks into the car dealership and, as it just so happens, gets the owner himself. He asks her what kind of car she wants and she replies,
"Well, sonny, I can't remember the name exactly, but it has something to do with hate or anger."
The owner replies, "Well, let's see... Oh yes, you want a Plymouth Fury! We have a couple on the lot. What color do you prefer?"
The lady has some trouble explaining the exact color to him, so she reaches into her shopping bag, takes out an ear of corn, strips down the shucks and says, "I want this color sonny."
To which Nathan replies, "Ma'am I'm sorry, but we don't have any in this color. Could I show you a nice blue one?"
"No son, I want this color."
"But ma'am, they didn't make that color! Maybe a cherry red one would suit you?" says the owner, obviously worried about losing a sale.
By this time, the old lady gets mad, and starts throwing things at the owner, thereby chasing him out of the office and into the lot. One of the salesmen, coming into the office from the back door, notices the disruption and asks the secretary what the old woman was so upset about.
The secretary replies, "Apparently, Hale hath no Fury like the woman's corn!"
I'm starting a blog as a disabled writer consisting of anecdotal posts about the funny, but unusual circumstances my disability and wheelchair put me in. Any names that come to mind? Particularly fond of blogs titles like Laughing at My Nightmare and Bag Lady Moma. I'm in a wheelchair and have 24/7 care, my disability is Spinal Muscular Atrophy (SMA)... go as wild as you like
Hello everyone. Today, a 72-year-old man named Mike came into my office. Mike blessed me with many gifts, a sampling of which I would like to share with you all here.
First, Mike asked how I was. I said "good, how are you?" Mike: I had a dream last night I was a muffler. And when I woke up it scared me because I was exhausted.
Mike also has an ex wife. "My Ex wife was so ugly her mom made her go trick or treating by telephone so she didn’t scare the other children."
Not just one ex wife, Mike has two ex wives. "My ex wife was so ugly I used to take her to work with me so I didn’t have to kiss her goodbye"
Mike does a lot of work for various charities. "I asked the lady at a restaurant if I could post my flyer for an event in the window. She said 'that depends, are you a non-profit?' I said 'lady I've got two ex wives, I haven't had profit in 30 years!'"
Those darn ex wives. "I’m so poor a pick pocket tried to rob me the other day and all he got was practice."
Mike actually came to my office to tell me about a basketball camp he's putting on next week. He's been playing basketball for 64 years. "I was a great athlete in high school. I was voted most valuable player by all the cheerleaders."
There was one girl though who got away. "There was a girl who lived down the street and I used to call her all the time and say 'Sarah, can I come over?' and she'd say no. So one day she called & said “Mike, come over, nobody's home.” So I went to her house and she was right, there wasn’t anybody there."
That girl may be why he didn't play baseball. "I played football, basketball and track. Someone asked me 'Mike, why didn't you play baseball?' I said 'because I was already so good at striking out!'"
Anyways, Mike went on to have a lengthy career in TV and radio, until he didn't. "I had to quit my job for medical reasons. My boss said I made her sick."
Thank you for your time.
Can you guys come up with toilet-based puns for musicians/band names? Like Poo Fighters, Turdy Seconds from Mars, sTool, Pee Diddy, Our Lady Piss, Fart Minor, Michael Pooplé. That's all I have for now :D
A bunch of ROTC kids were getting sworn in at halftime and the lady says, "I, state your name." And I swear to you, half the dads in the stadium go, "I state your name" followed by stifled chuckles
Mr Khan (thick accent): My name is Mr.Khan
Posh British Lady: And how would one spell that?
Mr Khan: The same way that two would!
(Just heard this gem on an episode of Citizen Khan)
Rando: "Hi, Cutie! Are you having fun with Daddy?"
Son: "No. I'm Kayson."
R: "What?"
S: "My name Kayson."
R: "Ok, are you playing?!"
S: "No, I'm Kayson."
Me (to self): "Lady... He just owned you twice in the same conversation... Give up."
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
So in my calculus class last year in math, there were these two Chinese twins. Ving, and Ling. Ving was always super cool with me. In exchange for answers (he was super smart) I would hang out with him and be his friend and stuff. After I cheated off of him and studied with him though, I did get to be his friend and we got very close.
His sister, Ling, was always uptight about school and she made sure to study, she got stressed about a B, etc. One day I was hanging out with Ving, and we started talking about names. He went off on this huge rant about how he hated his, and how he wanted to change it to something more Asian-American, like Lee. I told him that the Courthouse downtown had a form that you could fill to legally change it. He told me: "I always give you answers. If you could just drive me down to the courthouse this one time, I will never forget you. I just hate this god-forsaken Chinese name and I want to get rid of it forever."
He seemed pretty adamant about it, so I decided the best decision would be to take him. We walked out to my car, and right as I put the keys in the ignition Ling came running and tapped on the car door like a madman. I rolled it down and she started freaking out about how Ving's name had been passed down through generations and generations, but Ving didn't care. He just wanted to go down to the Courthouse and get it over with.
Ling figured that coming with would be the best idea, so if anything else came up that she would be needed for, she would be there for Ving. Honestly, I felt stuck in the middle of a family feud, so I just took her along. When we got to the Courthouse, Ving confidently walked up to the front desk and asked the receptionist if he could change his name. She gave him a little packet of paper and told him to sit down. Ling and I waited patiently while Ving filled out his info. I was watching him fill it out and I noticed he really did want to change his name to Lee.
Before he finished, though, he started tearing up. He told me he couldn't change his name. He asked the lady at the front that he couldn't do it, and she told him he would need twenty dollars to cancel the request. Ling was so relieved and happy that he changed his mind, she dug through her purse, found the money, and started to hand it to the receptionist.
It was at this moment that the most stereotypical Asian man burst through the doors. He was wearing a Hawaiian shirt, a visor, American flag shorts, flip flops, everything. This
... keep reading on reddit ➡A lady is 9 months pregnant and is in a car accident. Turns out she was pregnant with twins and they had to an emergency C-section. She wakes up the next day and asks about her babies. Nurse tells her that her brother showed up and he named them. Fear stricken because her brother is an idiot she asks the nurse to bring in the first one, a girl, nurse tells her that she was named Denise. She thinks to herself well that's not bad. What is the boys name? Danephew.
There once was a golfer named Jefferson Handy. He was a decent golfer, even better considering that he was unable to stand for more than a few minutes without intense pain. Due to his affliction, Jeffrey was always spotted a few strokes on the course. Anyway, Jeffrey was always known for a smile on his face and his cabby hat he wore for good luck. One day, while on the 7th green, a lady appeared from one of the water traps and told him she would grant him any wish, but at a price. He said sure, and asked to be able to stand again. She granted him his wish, but for payment, she took his hat. And that's the story of the lost Handy Cap.
> I want to apologize to everyone today. These terrible jokes have been coming to me all morning and I can't turn it off.
Had to sign a ton of papers. The lady that was running the closing hands me something about how I promise to put the water bill in my name and says "this is the water addendum"
I respond, "Really? looks like a paper addendum to me!"
No one laughed.
Last night my parents came over for dinner, so we decided to order some fried chicken from one of our favorite restaurants.
My mom called in the order and placed it under my dad's name "Jon".
My dad and I go to pick up the chicken when it's ready, as we walk into the restaurant the lady at the front says "Are you here for Jon?"
Without any hesitation my dad says, "No, I'm here for chicken."
He chuckled to himself for a few seconds before letting the lady know that in fact yes, we were there to pick up the order.
Picture this.
A fancy Christmas dinner party at his new wife's opulent, sandstone estate house. Plates are being cleared from the lengthy, mahogony table that seats the fourteen well-to-do guests, the main course having just finished. All have feasted gloriously on our Christmas fare.
My Dad, playing the good host, picks up two bottles of wine, one white and one red, and proceeds to do a round of the table, chatting amiably with everyone as he circles. Those whose glasses are less than 90% full, he proceeds to top-up. I am sitting in the very centre of the long table, seated directly opposite a very well off lady in her early sixties, by the name of Margaret. My dad, having just topped off my glass, is now standing directly behind me.
This older woman, full of grace and charm, looks to my Dad and says, "Thank you so much for this glorious meal, John. It's been simply divine."
My Dad, "Not at all, Margaret, not at all. Could I charge your glass?"
Margaret, "Oh, no no, thank you. I've got the bottle in front of me!"
My Dad, quick of wit, and with a sneaky - yet charming - grin on his face, responds, "Ah, well, better that than a frontal lobotomy!"
I've never been more proud of him.
I'm not a good storyteller so I'm sorry if the cadence is bad.
As a kid, I always used to yell "Have" (pronounced HAY-ve, like "glaive") at my dog if it was doing something bad. It was a shortened thing I picked up from my mom.
Anyways, I dad-joked a lady pretty good as she was walking by the house one day, after my dog ran out the gate and started jumping up trying to lick her face. She was laughing as I kept yelling, "Haveee! Haaaave!!" and said, "Is that your dog's name? Haive?"
To which I said, "No, but I want her to beHave."
...That was a good day.
(...telemarketing lady asking for my info)
her: Sir, can I have your surname please?
me: Of course, but madam, can I have your madam-name first?
She goes silent for a few seconds and resumes to her protocol while in her voice, I could feel her rolling her eyes and nodding her head in disbelief.
I was at church with my father who is the pastor, so lots of people come up to him weekly. I went to go say hi to him after church, and an older lady by the name of Bertha comes up to us and introduces herself. After I tell her my name, she asks me if I play football. I shake my head and give her a puzzled look and she says, "oh well you have a strong looking body". Of course I get rather excited about this and say, "dad did you hear that, she thinks I play football?" He responds with, "son, we've been praying for Ms. Bertha's eyesight for a long time now"
Pops takes me, my wife, and my kids out for a post Christmas meal at the Rainforest Cafe.
We stand in line to put our names on the list. After giving the lady our name, my old man stops her and asks, "Excuse me mam, but do you allow pets in here?"
She responds back with a quizzical "I'm sorry but no."
Pops turns to me and says, "Sorry son, looks like you are waiting in the car." He then does the corny half laugh half cackle while the restaurant worker rolls her eyes and my wife laughs at me.
Damn him and his corny jokes!!!
P. S. Will use this on my kids later this week.
Me: I work with a lady from Ghana. Dad: Is her name Reah?
Once upon a time, there was a bull named Hannibal.
One day, he looked to the adjacent field, seperated by barbed wire, and saw a beautiful female cow grazing there. Naturally, being the show-off that he was, he decided to jump over the barbed wire fence to impress the lady. From that day onward, people just called him Hanni.
So I work in a hospital, doing tilt table tests (for people that faint). The test sucks for the patients, because it's uncomfortable and makes people feel anxious.
Anyway, my patient earlier was an awesome young lady, who happens to have cerebral palsy, so her legs are different lengths, and her arms draw up and are very rigid. She had the best attitude, and was very charming.
So, while she's standing upright, strapped to the table, she was getting pretty anxious, and uncomfortable, since she keeps sliding to one side since one leg leg is longer than the other...
I thought I'd lighten the mood, so I said: "Well, I guess your mom should have named you Ilene huh"?
The nurse looked at me like I was a COMPLETE asshole... But the patient, she laughed her ass off! It was great. After that point she was a lot less tense, and we were able to finish up.
And no, I wasn't being mean when I said it, because I knew she could take the joke. :D
Texting a lady friend of mine:
(me not replying)
Her: or not.
Me: Sorry (pet name) I was setting up my new phone.
Her: Set up faster
Her: I like when you call me that.
Me: That's what I always tell my epoxy. .........
Her: What
Her: What's epoxy?
Me: nevermind.
So i manage a burrito joint, and we yell codes to the cashiers to indicate what the item is
i yelled out HS 1 which indicate the size, meat, and how many extras there are (guac, queso, etc)
the lady i was helping then goes 'hey those are my sons initials'
to which i immediately reply 'your son's last name starts with 1?' i was too ammused
I brought my car to the emissions check for Colorado. For those not aware, most information is based on the car, not the owner, so they don't really take any information from you when you first arrive. After my car was done getting its emissions tested, they called me from the waiting area. The lady opened the door and loudly called out "Oldsmobile!" I had to ask how she knew that was my name.
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