A Scotsman visits his doctor. He pulls his kilt up and says doctor you have to help me I'm going crazy

The doctor says I can clearly see your nuts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrjaxson1111
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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They kilt it!
πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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For Halloween I'm going to dress as a donkey with a kilt

I'm going to be an ascot

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nolehusker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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Why do they call it a kilt?

β€˜Cause I β€œkilt” the last guy who called it a skirt.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheManicMonocle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
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I was writing a text, and Autocorrect changed β€œkilled” to β€œkilt”.

Well plaid, phone. Well plaid.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2018
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Why do Scottish people wear kilts?

Cause goats can hear a zipper a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2019
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What's it called when a man in a kilt stands on a ladder?

A bell tower!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zigbigidorlu
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
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Do you know why you call it a kilt ?

Because God knows what happened to the last guy that called it a skirt.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Miyazasteinn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2018
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What do you call a prison guard wearing a kilt?

Scotch whiskey.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/derivedintegral
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2017
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Never run with bagpipes

You could put an aye out, or worse yet, get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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What do Scottish people use to wipe after using the bathroom?

Kilted Northern

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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A Scottish man was just forced to wear pants!

It damn nearly kilt him...

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/clark_creationz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
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Did you hear about that Scottish guy who died?

He was kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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I angered the Scottish guy by making fun of his skirt...

He nearly kilt me. I poked him in the aye in defense.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2020
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A Scotsman stumbles out of the bar and as he is walking down the street, he walks past a girl.

The girl asks, β€œis it true that there’s nothing under that kilt of yours?” The Scotsman replies, β€œwhy don’t you reach under and see for yourself?” The girl reaches under his kilt and quickly removes her hand. β€œDear god, that’s gruesome!”

The Scotsman replied back β€œAye, and if you reach up under there again, you’ll see it’s gruesome more.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jetmover78
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2020
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What’s the difference between a scotch man and Walt Disney?

A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney’

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spottydogsoitis
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
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A scottish man was found dead after a serious bar fight...

The police are still searching for the person who kilt him.

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DragonFireKitty
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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Not manu people know this, but...
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reinierblob
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2018
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I was walking down an alley in Scotland when I found a severed man's hand...

I wonder if he was kilt

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
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β€œLook! A man wearing a dress!” – Father’s Day story

When I was about 5 years old, my dad told the greatest dad joke. He’d be driving the family through our neighborhood and would say β€œLook! A man wearing a dress!” My siblings and I would look around and laugh with my dad. We loved when he would say this (it was like an absurd scavenger hunt) but my mother absolutely hated it. β€œWhere? What are you talking about Tom?!” She actually got angry since she couldn’t see the man wearing a dress either. Since he would do this on a semi-regular basis to make us laugh, it became a problem with my mom and she ended up getting so angry as to forbid him saying it ever again.

I never really understood what was going on since I was so young, but I really missed the man wearing a dress joke. At one point, I thought the joke referenced a nearby business with a kilted man for a mascot. A few years ago, I asked my dad what the joke was.

β€œOh! It wasn’t the sign,” he told me. β€œWe had a family in the neighborhood with the last name β€˜Manwaring’. When we would drive by their house, I’d point at their mailbox and say β€˜Look, a Manwaring address!’”

I was too young to read at the time so it took 20 years to be in on his brilliant pun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/simserialkiller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
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Macbeth joke in the wild

I was at the Oregon Shakespeare Festival waiting for β€œMacbeth” to begin and next to me this Dad says conversationally to his family, β€œYou know, It makes sense that this play is set in Scotland... after all they mostly get kilt”

His family groaned and I gave him props for the Dad joke in the wild.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArtVerseMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2019
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What did the scotsman do after his wife left him?

He kilt himself

(From r/3AmJokes)

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nickagero
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
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I saw a Scottish Band perform last night...

They totally kilt it.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/livinin82
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2016
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Ooh...there's an Irish secret society that wants to be Scottish.

It's a Celt kilt cult.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccococco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
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What do you get if you cross a hitman and a scot?

Kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/m_moseby
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
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So a Scotsman made an exam, and guess what?

He totally kilt it.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarLars9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2017
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Be careful when buying scottish items...

You might get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2018
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Did you hear about the Scottish mans death?

It’s tragic. He was kilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natiknof
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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Did you hear about the scottsman that hung himself with a skirt?

He kilt himself.

Wrote it myself.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stets
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2015
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Why do Scottish midgets giggle when they run?

Because the grass tickles their balls under their kilts.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NavGunz4512
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2018
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My friend was telling me about a wedding he'll be attending soon

Him: "I'll be wearing the same kilt as the groom."

Me: "Really? How are you both going too fit in there?"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JiberybobX
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2017
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I'm a potter, so I claymore...

...I think I really kilt it with that one.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rendingthorne
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
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A Scottish man died under suspicious circumstances the other day.

Some say he was kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gallifreyrises
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2016
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This past father's day my pop came out with this

There was a Scottish man wearing a kilt and a curious girl who kept asking the man what was under his kilt, finally after the constant pestering the man lifted his kilt.

Girl: Oh god that's gruesome

Man: Do you want to see it again? I think it gruesome-more.

Oh god why pop why?

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coldspagheti
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2013
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I was so proud

My nephew doesn't like to wear underwear. His dad's name is Scott.

Dad: Ya know the Scottish don't wear underwear beneath their kilts. I wonder if [nephew] is Scottish. Me: He is Scott...ish

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrapper7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2014
🚨︎ report
Why do Scotsmen wear kilts?

Because ewe’s can hear a zipper from a mile away.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ttiptocs
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Never run with bagpipes.

You could get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luchaluchalunch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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What’s the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?

A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iownTV
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?

A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/simplyGagi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s the difference between a Scotsman and Walt Disney?

A Scotsman wears a kilt and Walt Disney!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valenshyne
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
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Don’t run with bagpipes. You could poke an eye....

Or, worse yet, get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 152
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragnyrok
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it unsafe to run with bagpipes?

Because it can get you kilt!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blake4Bama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Don’t run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out.

Or worse yet, get kilt.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Did you hear that Celtic band last night?!

They kilt it.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hanismyhomie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2017
🚨︎ report

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