Never run with bagpipes

You could put an aye out, or worse yet, get kilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/justbeatitTTD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
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Bagpipe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ryan67_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2020
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Don’t run with bagpipes. You could poke an eye....

Or, worse yet, get kilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ragnyrok
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
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Don’t run with bagpipes. You could put an aye out.

Or worse yet, get kilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/demotrek
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2018
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Why is it unsafe to run with bagpipes?

Because it can get you kilt!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Blake4Bama
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2019
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Bagpipes instructor got us pretty good

"If you pick up the trumpet, tuning is one of the first things you learn to do. If you pick up the violin, it's the same deal. If you pick up the piano, you will then need to see a doctor because now you have a hernia."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/elmosworld37
πŸ“…︎ Feb 17 2015
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My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning, can you believe that, 2:30am?!

Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/updatedprocess
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
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My neighbor came knocking on my door at 2:30 am. Unbelievable!

Luckily I was still up playing my bagpipes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dconnerj12
πŸ“…︎ Jul 12 2018
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A man walked into a bar with his pet octopus. He went up to the counter and bet everyone in the bar $50 that they couldn’t bring the octopus a musical instrument that it couldn’t play...

One man pulled an old guitar off the wall that hadn’t been tuned in years and gave it to the octopus.

The octopus took the guitar, tuned it right up and began play.

There was no doubt that the octopus was an excellent guitar player.

The man paid his handler $50 and sat down.

Another man brought a saxophone to the octopus.

The octopus took it and stared for a bit.

After a minute or two the octopus began playing a deep and soulful jazz solo.

This man paid his $50 and sat down.

The bartender went into the back and brought out a set of bag pipes.

The bartender said, β€œI’ll bet $100 that the octopus can’t play these bagpipes.”

The man agreed and handed them to the octopus.

The octopus sat there eyeing the bagpipes up and down for quite awhile.

The handler began to get nervous so he said to the octopus, β€œHurry up and start playing the thing”

The octopus spewed, β€œPlay it?! I wanna marry her!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/honolulu_oahu_mod
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2019
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A short collection of fresh puns.

Most of this is my own work, if not, it was inspired by something clever!
I hope this will tickle your funnybone and produce a jolly good set of laughs.

A guy didn't register that the wet paint signs about the handrail was still drying, his hand immediately stuck to the rail. My only response to him was, well you see there, it's an application problem, not hardware.

A researcher's obsession with mixing sand, stones, lime and water has started to yield concrete results.

Eyeglass makers who profit well can frame their success.

Joe: I gave the backyard squirrels Christmas presents!
Abby: Are you nuts?
Joe: No, that's what I gave them...

What did the supervisor at the tortilla factory say at the end of a long workday?
That's a wrap!

Television is a medium because anything well done is rare. (Insp)

People who don't answer the phone sometimes miss their calling in life.

His words were heavy, but his friends didn't get the gravity of the situation.

Time flies like crazy!
Fruit flies like apples!

Never let logic and reasoning get in the way of telling a good story. (Sounds like something that would be said on TopGear/Grand Tour)

There are a few words that will open many doors for you in life - Push and Pull (Insp)

Somehow people really don't like it when I throw lamps at them to encourage them to lighten up.
Same goes for tossing handles for when they need to get a grip or soap for cleaning up their act.

When you're on the ballot for the water council and they have a runoff election.

Ghosts speak latin, it's a dead language (Insp)

If you work at a grocery, send the interns down to the meat market to get some red herrings.

There was a river in Egypt that no one believed existed, it was known locally as De-Nile.

Bad luck Brian - Invests in uranium, profits decay.

There was an explosion at the film manufacturing company, reporters say the story is still developing.

Why do bagpipers walk around?
To get away from the noise (Insp)

Most people have a six-figure income, just the decimal point is in the wrong place.

It has recently been discovered that scientific research causes cancer in rats.

In Russia, the term road has had a controversial meaning for a very long time.

In Canada/Russia, you put things in the fridge to warm them up.

Did you know that the creator of Barbie was named Barbara Dahl?

Doc: There's something not q

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2017
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A British explorer is leading an expedition through an uncharted valley deep in Africa.

About halfway through the valley, drumbeats started rolling from the mountains around them. Everyone in the party was confused, but the local guides started to panic.

"We HAVE to get out of here by sundown, OR ELSE".

The explorer orders his men to pick up the pace, and keep moving. A couple hours later, The drums start beating more and more frantically. Again, the guides say: "Keep moving, WE HAVE TO GET OUT OF HERE".

A bit later, the men hear horns echoing from the hills.

The explorer asks his guides: "what was that?"

They respond: "theres no time, we need to be out BEFORE SUNDOWN, we only have a few hours!!!".

Exasperated, the explorer asks "Why? What could be so urgent? And why do we have to get out by sundown?".

The guides reply, "at sundown, the bagpipe solo starts!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeb1122
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
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Dad at Pride Parade

My dad(who is a big LGBT ally) sees a float at pride parade with musicians playing the bagpipe. He leans over to me and says "I guess we should call them fagpipes now."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/steinbeckian
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2015
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Never run with bagpipes.

You could get kilt.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Luchaluchalunch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Never run with bagpipes

You could put an Aye out!

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DiverLife
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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