Jakes Puns

Jake says, “No, just a regular suit.”

One evening Jake stole Joke’s bag and hid it just at the edge of a forest nearby. Next morning he told him what he had done and to be careful not to go far into the forest since it’s riddled with bears once you go into the deep forest part and you are sure to get eaten.

Since Joke didn’t return for a long period of time, Jake went looking for him. However, he couldn’t find his friend. Jake, feeling remorse, called the police and told them what had happened.

Unfortunately, the police were no help and the case started to gain traction with the media. Reporters from all the nearby villages wanted to be the one to crack the case and find Joke.

Jake slowly spiraled into despair, not knowing what happened, thinking he killed his friend and all he wanted was some answers, buying all the local newspapers every day hoping to read something new and gain some answers.

Day after day the event slowly slipped out of his mind as time went by with no new information whatsoever. Until one day, Jake decided to put this whole thing behind him and found a therapist to help him move on.

The therapy was a huge success, he completed all but one meetings and he had just one more to go. He arrived on time as always, but the therapist’s office was locked this time. Jake checked his mobile phone and he saw a message from his therapist that he’s gonna be a few minutes late and that he should sit down in the waiting room, relax, and wait for him.

Jake, as any reasonable person, sat down in the waiting room and started waiting. It was at this moment that his phone battery ran out and he became bored, very bored, so he picked up a random newspaper from the table in front of him and then he saw it, the headline he was waiting for for so long:

Joke gone too far.

That's why he joined the Na'vi.

He found the idea rappel-ent

Amirite?

So I usually get the mail for my family, but one day I was fetching the mail, and a lizard came out of the mailbox. Since I am TERRIFIED of lizards, I naturally freaked and refused to fetch the mail ever again.

So last week my mom was getting the mail, and when she came back in, she said, "aghr, there WAS a lizard in the mail today!" and then she shows me a Geico advertisement.

"What can I say man, it's my schtick!"

My 14yo son drew this comic on his whiteboard, someone said I ought to post it here.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JakesDoorComics/comments/j2f29l/dad_joke_research_center/

Jake returns home after a long days work, finds the cupboards bare and thinks "that's strange we went shopping this week". He goes to the garbage can to find jars of peanut butter, yogurt, pill bottles, assorted food they've just bought discarded. He asks "Honey why is all the food in the garbage?" he finds her watching TV in the living room she says "Roger is dead", stunned he runs to the backyard to find their pet seal dead. He runs inside shocked and says "wow that's terrible, but why did you throw out all the food?!" she replies "They containers all said DO NOT USE IF SEAL IS BROKEN".

Remember, only come here for cringe, Because this is the ultimate Pun Collection.

1. What does McDonalds say to the tray when it betrays them? "You traytor!"
2. Does Spider Man live in an egg? Because i heard he lives in New Yolk.
3. These puns aren't very eggciting.
4. lettuce taco bout it?
5. I will asalt you with puns!
6. What if your problem involves telling a phone? JUST TELEPHONE ALREADY!
7. What if Jake stands close to Johnny when talking? He Here's Johnny!
8. Stop asalting my hard with your judging pursesonality!
9. I'll play the Yandere Simulater later.
10. You herd about that show? It's called Spongebob Swearpants.
11. Why did you diss stew me? (kinda hard to get, but just say it out loud.)
12. What does someone say sarcastically in the middle of an intense war that was caused by someone? TANKS TO YOU!
13. What type of plane that loves bounce? Boeing!
14. How many money did we owe? It said it on the letter right? I don't know, you should've reddit!

I'm sorry for the cringe...

... Elle & Menno P. ... If they ever have kids, I'm lobbying hard for Jake and Kay.

I answered “Why would you think that?”

He said “Well, my teacher said they mostly live off of tourists there”.

"why"

he's all right now

Meirl: Will, Jaden and willow

They will get demonitized.

The winner and the 9 runner ups: "I keep randomly shouting out 'Broccoli' and 'Cauliflower' - I think I might have florets"

• "Someone stole my antidepressants. Whoever they are, I hope they're happy" - Richard Stott
• "What's driving Brexit? From here it looks like it's probably the Duke of Edinburgh" - Milton Jones
• "A cowboy asked me if I could help him round up 18 cows. I said, 'Yes, of course. - That's 20 cows'" - Jake Lambert
• "A thesaurus is great. There's no other word for it" - Ross Smith
• "Sleep is my favourite thing in the world. It's the reason I get up in the morning" - Ross Smith
• "I accidentally booked myself onto an escapology course; I'm really struggling to get out of it" - Adele Cliff
• "After learning six hours of basic semaphore, I was flagging - Richard Pulsford
• "To be or not to be a horse rider, that is Equestrian" - Mark Simmons
• "I've got an Eton-themed advent calendar, where all the doors are opened for me by my dad's contacts" - Ivo Graham

I called "JAKE'S PHONE!!"

He's alright now.

A few years back my mom was having some kind of stomoach problem, my dad took her to the doctor where she drank some kind of radioactive dye for some kind of diagnosis. My dad comes into their home-office where I am fixing their computer. "Hey Jake, C'mere" he says. He's holding a Geiger counter he has from who knows where. My mom is laying in her bed and he gets it closer and closer to her stomach and it goes off, flashing red! I am dying, laughing so hard then he says "Looks like we've got one hot mama" My mom just rolls her eyes and groans. One of the most hilarious things I have ever seen in my life.

Ill read something interesting about a famous person, and try to start a conversation about it, then this happens..(example)

Me: Hey Dad, you know that guy who plays Jake on 2 and a Half Men? Well..

Dad (interrupting): Nope, I don't know him. Never even met him.

Jake: Effingham is a funny name for a street.

Me: You know, I've kinda always thought that too.

Jake: Yeah, it's like the worst kind of pig there is.

Me: That's f-ing halarious.

This just happened a minute ago...

Dad: "Jake, what are you wearing?

(silence)

Cat-khis!"

Whenever I return a missed call from my dad this exchange goes on.

Me: Hi. Did you call me, Dad?

Dad: No, I called you Jake! Ha ha ha.

For fuck's sake.

The broadcaster, Joe Angel, said in reference to the Tampa Rays starting pitcher Jake Odorizzi:

"When he retires, he should start a business selling deodorant and call it Odor-Eazy."

Her post translates as follows:

"Grandpa Jake and I sitting on the sofa quietly when the electricity finally returns.

Me: Oh, finally! Grandpa Jake: Oh...it's brown in now. Me: confused Grandpa: No more brownout grins"