It hurts me to say this....

But, I have a sore throat.

πŸ‘︎ 229
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear how the zombie bodybuilder hurt his back?

He was dead lifting.

Edit: Wow! Went to bed, went to work, checked this post, and holy hell did it blow up! Thanks for the awards, funny add-one and dad jokes! This sub is awesome!

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/35mmPirate
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I always believed that 'sticks and stones would break my bones, but words would never hurt me.'

Until I fell into a printing press.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,

"You've broken your hand."

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot 3 weeks a go and it still hurts.....

I can't believe it's not better.

πŸ‘︎ 978
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ElderHallow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Who were hurt in the bridge collapse in Australia?

The ones that were down under.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xgbsss
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2021
🚨︎ report
Love hurts.
πŸ‘︎ 97
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister_Nancy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s a fist that doesn’t hurt

A Pacifist

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/awesomehuder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2021
🚨︎ report
If you get hurt before you are 18, it’s just a minor injury.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talmax009
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you do when balloons are hurt?

You helium.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VVIIVVI
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Why did Bruce Springsteen hurt his leg?

He was dancing in the dark.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office

It was a twerk place injury

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
That pun hurts me deep
πŸ‘︎ 584
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperMiro107
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Broke a leg , it hurts so much

Had to take my friend to the hospital

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salvatoz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the cat say when it got hurt?

MeOw

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Daaaarknessss
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't hurt me no more...
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MyLatestInvention
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Where is the worst place to drive when your wrist hurts?

Carpool tunnel.

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
🚨︎ report
When in a new relationship, does your stomach hurt because of the butterflies...

Or the farts you hold in.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
It hurts.
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orlanthi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Will you hurt your eyes if you look at the stars for too long?

This is a Sirius question.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nokiacrusher
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
They never told me that getting older mad eeverything hurt when you get out of bed

I guess that’s why it’s called being a groan-up

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/serialcompliment
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the doctor because my arm hurt. He took an Xray and told me I have a humerus fracture.

Personally, I didn't find it funny at all.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrendelBlackedOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke attempt from my daughter: what do you call an Aquarium that hurts fish?

An Owquarium!

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skilldan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
what happens when you get hurt doing yoga?

you get yogurt

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Slymood
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do you go when you get hurt playing peekaboo?

The ICU

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/late_brake_apex
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
How did the poster get hurt?

It was under a tack

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xenanast
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I hurt myself while stacking up all my old National Geographics ...

Now, I have back issues.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MisterBigDude
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My vowels hurt.

I think they are consonants.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
And both hurt when they miss
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What superhero gets hurt the easiest?

Bruise Wayne.

πŸ‘︎ 188
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dinzll
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02 2020
🚨︎ report
Who does the Cat in the Hat call when his back hurts?

A maSeuss.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What does an alligator drink when hurt?

Gator-Aid.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Therealheetahlegs
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't Hurt Yourself
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JeffAngelsMB16
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What did Mickey Mouse say to the Dr. when he hurt his leg?

Disney hurts!!

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirenofInsomnia
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Mom: "Help! I'm hurt! Hurry, call me an ambulance!"

Dad: You're an ambulance.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
A salesman said his windows were unbreakable, so I punched one. That hurt, but not nearly as much as the window falling off the display and landing on my head. Unfortunately I can't sue...

...they were advertised as double-pain windows after all.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My son got hurt in a peek-a-boo accident

I took him to the ICU

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The2lied
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
People say circumcision doesn't hurt, but i disagree.

i was circumcised when i was born and i couldn't walk for almost a year.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HungryPizzax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don't toy swords hurt?

They're only hokey pokey!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jsradford
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call people who hurt bees?

A buzzkill

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/callmefinny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What is red and hurts really bad?

A brick.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gerolsteiner05
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2020
🚨︎ report
β€œI got hurt in the Pyrenees!”

β€œThat Spain for you!”

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
A tub of margarine fell on my foot three weeks ago and it still hurts.

I can’t believe it’s not better.

πŸ‘︎ 88
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I hurt my bottom after shaking it in the office

It was a twerk place injury.

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
How did The Undertaker hurt his back?

He was dead lifting

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InfiniteElway
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
It hurts me to say this...

But, I have a sore throat .

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do people go when they get hurt playing hide and seek?

The ICU

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iceberger3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report

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