Why did the hummus blush?
Because it saw a chickpea!
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︎ Oct 12 2020
My Ex Girlfriend stole my Hummus.
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︎ Apr 12 2020
I'm going to start a hummus brand that comes in really difficult to open containers.
It's gonna be called 'hummus posta eat this'.
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︎ Jun 10 2018
What did the hummus say to the pita bread when he got sick?
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︎ Mar 23 2019
When Ancient Greeks used to mix the clay for their dwellings a rule of thumb was to mix it until it was the texture of Hummus before putting it on the interior walls
Itβs quite well known that the Ancient Greeks championed Hummus Texturality
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︎ May 02 2019
Yo I need some good puns for a promposal. She likes hummus
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︎ Mar 24 2018
My cousin had hummus confiscated by the TSA today.
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︎ Jan 26 2018
What, you donβt like hummus??
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︎ Aug 13 2018
Need help naming a Hummus restaurant, pun suggestions appreciated!
Hello! I'm hoping to find some good pun suggestions on naming a Hummus restaurant! Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated!
One I found that I like is "Hummus where the heart is"
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︎ Apr 30 2017
Do you know why men like hummus?
Itβs made out of chickpeas, not dudepeas.
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︎ Dec 30 2018
What is the correct answer to Hummus?
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︎ Mar 21 2017
Did you get a side of hummus?
It's a hummuside.....
Said by my uncle while out to eat.
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︎ Jun 05 2015
Why did my wife steal my hummus?
Because they're called chick peas, not dude peas.
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︎ Jan 09 2015
Whatβs it called when you kill chickpeas?
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︎ Oct 20 2020
I fed my wife some ground chick peas and she choked to death
The police are treating it as a hummuside
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︎ Nov 24 2020
One to make you scratch your pool noodle
Me: I think I'll take a dip in the pool.
Lifeguard: What ya got there?
Me: Hummus
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︎ Jan 09 2021
I don't mind foreign dishes, for example we ate some halal food last week
I think they called it Allah carte
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︎ Dec 07 2020
What is the charge for beating someone with a bottle of olive oil and a can of chick peas ?
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︎ Dec 18 2020
What did the fans say to the band named after a famous chickpea spread?
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I asked the pianist if he could play the Chick Pea Song.
He said, "Maybe. Can you hummus a few bars.'
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︎ Oct 21 2020
Man wins award after he died eating appetizers at a Mediterranean restaurant
It was a Post-Hummus award
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︎ Jun 19 2020
I gave my wife some ground chickpeas and she choked to death.
The cops are treating it as a hummus-cide.
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︎ May 03 2020
What do you call a row of people lifting mozzarella?
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︎ Apr 30 2018
I was gonna make a joke about Mediterranean food...
But hummus have missed the mark, and now I falafel.
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︎ Jul 02 2019
I can't get my wife to try Mediterranean food.
She doesn't like hummus, which is a naan-starter.
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︎ Jul 22 2019
What do you call it when a chickpea kills another chickpea?
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︎ Mar 21 2015
Have you guys heard about the police investigation into the death of a chickpea?
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︎ May 04 2018
I saw a road sign the other day that said "Dip In Road"
I turned the corner and drove straight into a load of hummus
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︎ May 23 2018
A group of chickpeas are talking. One says that they really enjoys singing.
Another one in the group asks "Oh, really? How about you hummus a tune?"
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︎ Feb 24 2015
What is the most popular food at PETA?
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︎ Jul 14 2017
He just looked me dead in the eyes and said, "I'll see you at the checkout."
So I was standing in the grocery store comparing the prices of a couple packs of hummus when my roommate came up to me and suggest the off brand roasted red pepper kind to which I replied:
"Ya, I'm not really sure about that brand. They seem to be very hit and hummus for me."
He was not impressed.
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︎ Nov 20 2015
Bored at work and made up food related puns
What do you call it when you're drowned in chickpea dip?
Hummus-cide
How does a witch like her pasta?
Sorcery
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︎ May 08 2014
My Dad on snacks.
Me: "Hey, there's hummus in the fridge, do we have any crackers?"
Dad: "Yeah, there's four of 'em right here."
I laugh, he chuckles, my Mom and Brother groan.
(Yes, we are a Caucasian family.)
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︎ Jan 27 2015
Dinner in a Middle Eastern Restaurant
My husband is the punniest person in the world, a sample of his humor:
I was eating in a Middle Eastern restaurant when I heard a loud noise, "kabob, kabob", I falafel my chair, there was a double hummus side at the next table. I didn't try to be a gyro, then a shawarma police rushed in.
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︎ Jan 25 2016
Expiration Dates
This happened last February while my mom was about to prepare some lunch.
Mom: This hummus is dated 2-03-13 but I guess it's okay...
Dad: Well your face is dated 2-12-1964 but you don't see us complaining.
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︎ Sep 20 2013
Middle-Eastern Dad Joke
My dad and I were standing in front of the fridge looking for something to eat. After staring for a few seconds my dad found some week old home-made hummus behind the milk. I asked if he wanted to eat it and he replied:
"Eating this will only make me want to commit hummus-cide."
Groaning ensued.
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︎ Mar 20 2015
Dadjoked by my aunt (who is my dad's sister, runs in the family)
Grandma: Do you like Hummus?
Aunt Kim: I love Hummus....and I sometimes like to singus!
Spent Spring Break with them, this was all I heard. :)
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︎ Mar 17 2014
Predictive Text
It's the scurge of the hummus rice
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︎ Mar 22 2015
I need some puns about "Hummus." Please help.
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︎ Feb 02 2015
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