Jesus walks into a hotel

Throws three nails on the reception desk and asks β€œCan you put me up for the night?”

πŸ‘︎ 724
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2021
🚨︎ report
A photon checks into a hotel...

and the bellhop says, 'Do you have any luggage?'

'No,' replied the photon, 'I'm travelling light'.

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrizztoElCazador
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
The first letter of the sign of a derelict hotel fell off and killed a man.

He died of old H.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/notBjoern
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Stayed in a hotel with a gay ghost last night

It really put the willy's up me....

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Regret-Superb
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A group of friends were walking around the beach looking to find a hotel to stay but they were all booked except for one, one of them said:

"Guys, that's our last resort."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mental_Shine8098
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Why don’t hotels have libraries?

That would make it too easy to book a room!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SlickHeadSinger
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I rely on hotels so much,

I've actually become quite inn-dependent.

πŸ‘︎ 680
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2021
🚨︎ report
A hotel just offered me a job making beds...

I think I'll turn them down.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are skinny jeans like a cheap hotel?

NO BALLROOM!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
LPT: If you are trying to stay in a hotel that’s completely booked, just tell the receptionist that your name is β€œimprovement”.

Because there’s always room for improvement.

πŸ‘︎ 364
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Why is an Australian prisoner like an Australian hotel?

It's an in(n), mate!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CognitiveNerd1701
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2021
🚨︎ report
I got tickets for the next Super Bowl plus hotel and airfare, but it turns out my wedding is on the same day!

If you'd like to go instead, it's at St. Peter's Church on Main Street at 6:00 pm. Her name is Melanie and she'll be wearing all white.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gingi0
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
So my hotel just tried to charge me ten extra dollars for air conditioning..

That wasn’t cool.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TylerDurdenSEA
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
I went on a vacation to Hungary, but I couldn't find a hotel with any vacancies.

I forgot to Bucharest.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2021
🚨︎ report
A Man in a hotel has trouble finding his room, goes down to the front desk and asks ' Excuse me, can you tell me what room I'm in please ? '

Certainly Sir, said the receptionist...this is the Lobby.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HugoZHackenbush2
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
A photon checks into a hotel. The bellhop asks if he can assist with any luggage.

The photon replies, β€œNo, I’m traveling light.”

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Elusivblak
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
The worst hotel I've ever stayed in was called "The Fiddle".

It was a vile inn.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Degtyrev
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2021
🚨︎ report
I was in the hotel lobby the other day when I heard 2 chess masters bragging about past wins.

They were chess nuts boasting in an open foyer

πŸ‘︎ 603
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πŸ‘€︎ u/superdolmiosauce
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the television repair man called out to the Red Hot Chili Peppers hotel room?

Scart issue.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vulfneck
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
A man is staying in a hotel.

He walks up to the front desk and says, β€œSorry, I forgot what room I’m in, can you help me?”

The receptionist replies, β€œNo problem, sir. This is the lobby.”

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ethanssss
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do they call the top rooms in a hotel the suite?

'Cause when you open the door to walk in you say .... 'sweeeeet'

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sharpie65
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2021
🚨︎ report
What do designer jeans and cheap hotels have in common?

No ballroom .

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
The Russian president was spotted on the roof of a hotel.

At that point, he was truly Putin on the Ritz.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
I decided to go on a vacation with my family. Almost all the hotel rooms were booked except one

It was our last resort...

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DOU8LEJ480
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
If I ever run a hotel, the free breakfast would be served from 7 tables all pushed together in the middle of the room.

It would be a Pangea breakfast

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2021
🚨︎ report
My father and I were leaving our hotel room in Iraq and he almost forgot his suitcase.

I said don’t forget your Baghdad.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/junior_bqx2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Neo met Reese Witherspoon in a hotel room

after some time he said goodbye to his friend, Reese Wither

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/danielsoft1
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a potato in a hotel room?

A suite potato.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KomodoJo3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I was at my hotel in Spain and wasn't feeling well.

Reception said they had a doctor on staff.

The doctor asked me lots of questions and I was then feeling much better.

I told reception I didn't expect a hotel would have a doctor on staff

They said it was a Spanish Inn Physician

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AndrewMacSydney
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid.

I got sick at this small hotel in Madrid. I called the front desk and they told me they had a doctor on staff. After he made me feel better, I told him I was amazed that such a small place had a doctor. He nodded and said "NO ONE EXPECTS THE SPANISH INN PHYSICIAN!!!!

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mementh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
A photon checks into a hotel. "Need any help with your luggage sir?" asks the porter.

"No thanks " replies the photon. "I am travelling light."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2020
🚨︎ report
The AC was broken at the hotel lobby I am staying at.

I wasn't expecting such a warm reception.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tmacker14
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Cowboy goes in to a hotel and says a single room and a wardrobe for my horse. Your horse sir the manager replied!

Yes my horse is a Mustang and it mustang somewhere!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tiger7971
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My hotel elevator. Schindler’s Lift
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TwoWolfMoon
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
A photon walks into a hotel

The desk clerk says, "Welcome to our hotel. Can we help you with your luggage? The photon replies, "No thank you, I'm traveling light."

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LopsidedVader
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I was planing on taking a shower at my hotel today...

...but apparently they bolt those things to the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exturo
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m pretty sure that the hotel receptionist was checking me out.
πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/backrowtheater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
What does u/username do when he hates the hotel he’s staying at?

Username checks out.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call hotel with a lot of floors?

A hoTall

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm having second thoughts about my appointment to stay at a Native American hotel.

I'm having reservation reservation reservation. (BR)

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zaxxonn26
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Skinny jeans are like a cheap hotel room....

No ballroom.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a chess club bragging about their wins in a hotel lobby?

Chessnuts boasting in an open foyer

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hud_is_on
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bunch of chess nerds bragging about their games in a hotel lobby?

Chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.

πŸ‘︎ 87
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lightsup11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
The worst hotel I’ve ever stayed in was called The Fiddle.

It was a vile inn.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2021
🚨︎ report
How could you describe a group of chess grandmasters bragging about their skills in a hotel lobby?

Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/atltop5150
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I met some chess players in the hotel lobby. They were bragging about how good they are.

It was Chess nuts boasting in an open foyer.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2018
🚨︎ report
The worst hotel I ever stayed at was called β€˜The Fiddle’

It was a vile inn

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPlaysUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report

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