Except when he's with a gun.....then he'd be gunning
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MattloKei
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Gun Pun!
πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pun420
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend was bragging that his new 3D printer can print a gun.

Big deal. I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
🚨︎ report
I buy all my guns from a guy who calls himself "T-Rex."

He's a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
The gun actually goes off in the 2nd...
πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dogmatic_Catalyst
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Shop assistant fought off armed robber with his labeling gun.

Police are now looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 185
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GingerStorm83
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
I heard on the news, a man was shot 200 times with an upholstery gun.

Apparently he's now completely recovered

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corvette-Ronnie
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked why I carry a gun in the house.

I told her decepticons. She laughed. I laughed. The toaster laughed. I shot the toaster.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
What is a machine guns' favorite breakfast meal?

A frittata-tatata.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RipVanWinkle_1
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2021
🚨︎ report
What does Reese Witherspoon call her gun collection?

Reese’s Pieces

πŸ‘︎ 473
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andrewleckrone
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you put a gun in it's place?

You tell it that the world does not revolver- round you.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun made of Sodium Chloride?

An A-Salt Rifle.

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Chxrles
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
What does every Mime have on their gun?

A silencer

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumender
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with my Mexican neighbor and he started to make train noises while holding a gun

He said "I'm going to choo choo"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and closer.

They proceeded through the dark into the dining room. They saw a fully set dining table covered in cob webs. Dust-covered regal-looking glasses, goblets and silverware adorned the table. Spiders climbed on ivory plates. Clearly a house of privilege and set for a grand feast which never happened.

Or, perhaps, met a fatal end?

They pushed on. But again that unearthly howl.

"oooooOOOOOOOOOOOUuuuuUUUUuuUUOOOOooo".

They found the basement staircase, and from below, the sounds seemed to be emanating. Could they proceed? Would they? Did they dare? Two of the boys looked at each other, faces filled with worry.

But the third said, confidently, "We're going down there." Not wanting to seem the weaker, the other two boys steeled themselves and nodded.

The stairs creaked and groaned evily under their feet. The rickety banister shook in angry defiance. Insects and vermin scattered underneath them with every step. They were descending into hell, they knew, but none would turn back.

And the sound: "oOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUUuuuuUUOOOO". Now loud enough to fill not only their heads but seeming to claw at their very souls!

Now at the basement door! The antique, crying squeak of the hinges eeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEee made the boys wince and almost cover their ears. But they had to know. WHAT is making that horrible, terrible sound?

"ooooooooooOOOOOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUoooooUUUUUUUOOOOOOO"

In the center of the basement lay an unholy coffin! A twisted artistic expression of murder, decay and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What happened to Guns 'n Roses' tour bus when it got a flat tire and had to be jacked up for repair?

Its axle rose.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Poobutt42069
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
What do bloods call their guns?

Criptonite

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/s3Nq
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2021
🚨︎ report
an American IT specialist was beaten even though he had a gun with him

He had troubleshooting

πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GSterian
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I had a cop draw a gun on me once

He just pulled out a sharpie and started drawing all over me. I could not for the life of me figure out why, but it was very unprofessional

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you kill a blue elephant? With a blue elephant gun. How do you kill a pink elephant?

Twist its trunk until it turns blue, then shoot it with a blue elephant gun

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/chairfairy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2021
🚨︎ report
This gun club wouldn't let me in until I could ejaculate bullets.

I was skeptical at first, but eventually I came a round

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HughJamerican
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call a gun that cries?

A musket tear

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wippwipp
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2021
🚨︎ report
Whats a cats favorite gun manufacturer?

Meowser

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jack_Hue
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you call peanuts with guns?

Packing Peanuts

πŸ‘︎ 363
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrSwagtasticDDS
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a Gun gives birth to a Monkey

A Chimp off the old Glock

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2021
🚨︎ report
I put a hand gun in a long sandwich.

Now it’s a Sub Machine Gun

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/turkyman3
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
🚨︎ report
I shot a man with a paintball gun...

....just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 51
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
🚨︎ report
I was arrested for having jello in the shape of a gun in my bag

The officers charged me for having a congealed weapon

πŸ‘︎ 55
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MushuTheGreat17
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to the shooting range for the first time, but I couldn’t get my gun to fire

I had to read the trouble shooting section in the manual

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/takuache_beaner
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I never tried using a gun ever before...

I'm planning to give it a shot, though.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperFeather0
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2021
🚨︎ report
I am suspicious that my wife is secretly adding glue to my weapons collection...

She denies it, but I'm sticking to my guns.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jigsatics
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2021
🚨︎ report
Just heard about this gun smuggler they caught named T-Rex.

He was a small arms dealer.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andS0NS
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Man shot 200 times with upholstery gun.

Surgeons revealed he is now 'fully recovered'.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bob9109
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A two-star officer was so vain about how good he looked in the updated uniform...

...he ordered all flare guns to be loaded with an action figure in his likeness. That's right: the Very model of a modern major general.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/conflateer
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2021
🚨︎ report
My son told me he wanted to be Batman when he grows up.

The little shit wants me to be gunned down in an alley.

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2021
🚨︎ report
What did the angry gun say to the bullet after shooting it?

You are fired.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend got pulled over and the cop drew his gun on him!

Luckily the ink washed off after a couple days

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/No_Gray_Area
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a sweet gun?

Dessert Eagle.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Staters
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
There is nothing stronger than a finger gun...

except for a hand gun.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/anbre_
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm sticking with/to my guns. It makes sense either way
πŸ‘︎ 76
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Masterkibyknight
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
🚨︎ report
His gun fires bullets imprinted with "Dumbass"
πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hyaaaa_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a bee that is from the United States

A USB

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nobody492
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2021
🚨︎ report
I’m mad at my wife because I bought a stun gun for her birthday and she tested it out on me. Twice.

What a revolting response to a gift. I was stunned.

πŸ‘︎ 53
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DestroyatronMk8
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend claims that he can print a gun using his 3D printer, but I’m not impressed.

I have had a Canon printer for years.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
A shop assistant fiercely fought off an armed robber with his labelling gun, yesterday.

Police are now looking for a man and say there's a price on his head

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I shot a man with a paintball gun...

....just to watch him dye.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
A store clerk fought off an armed robber with a labeling gun

Now police are looking for a man with a price on his head.

πŸ‘︎ 618
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fireseeker4him
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to try my new gun at the range, but couldn’t make it work.

Now I have to read the trouble shooting section in the manual.

πŸ‘︎ 347
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I buy my guns from a guy called "T Rex"

He's a small arms dealer

πŸ‘︎ 401
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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