GM Puns

"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"

They have a few kinks to work out.

It keeps sticking to the roof of the garage.

Well they're the only team that can repeat, so who else were they gonna pick!

An Arbitrator.

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

https://i.imgur.com/gmTr0p8.png

So we are playing dnd and our Catfolk Barbarian gets sick from being bitten from a giant tick a few days ago. She's pretty salty about it because it's made her physically weaker and she can't hit thing as well. The GM (her dad) says "She is sick with a disease that's like an extreme form of lime disease." "My God". I said "It's Lemon Disease." Without skipping a beat the GM says, "Yes. And it's made a sour puss."

We all die.

https://youtu.be/Ri791tauGmU

https://i.imgur.com/UivGmJ8.jpg

(original)

We found a scratch on my car, and I had no recollection of getting it. We drive by a pole right next to a terminal to input a code for the gate for our neighborhood, and see a small red (victory red in this case, GM color) mark on the pole. My dad looks at me and asks "Does this look like victory red to you?", to which I reply, "nope, looks more like defeat red". Groans ensued.