I stopped walking on coal to limit my carbon footprint
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dutch_Midget
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
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I don’t have a carbon footprint

because I just drive everywhere

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πŸ‘€︎ u/pandacoat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
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Doing my bit for the environment, minimising my carb-on footprint
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KnightB3ar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sidd24x7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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A man was in court against another man who had trespassed on his property while freshly laid asphalt was drying, leaving a footprint.

For some reason, the judge was in favor of the trespasser.

The man slammed his hand down on the table. β€œBut I have concrete proof!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Majikin__
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2019
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What did the ground say to the dinosaurs footprint?

You made a big impression on me!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mephistepheles13
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2017
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Did you hear of the debate following a recent study which found mixing marijuana into cattle feed can reduce their carbon footprint?

... The steaks have never been higher

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scrotumbrella
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
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There once was a beautiful, snowy kingdom.

It was ruled by a fair king who joyfully ruled his land. Unfortunately, the kingdom was also home to a wicked thief who loved nothing more than causing mayhem for all the inhabitants of the land.

However, the thief was not your ordinary thief. He only stole bells. Any kind of bell, whether a tiny bell from a kitten’s collar, all the way up to the bell from the king’s royal bell tower.

When the king awoke one morning, the bell tower’s bell was missing. The king, being brave and noble, decided to follow the thief back to his lair. He chose four of his most loyal soldiers, mounted his horse, and rode off into the snowy woods, following the footprints left behind on the ground.

Soon, he and his soldiers arrived to a clearing in the woods. In front of them was a large, bell-shaped building. They found the thief’s lair!Pointing to the recent tracks left in the snow by the thief, the king announced to the soldiers,

β€œLook! The Fresh Prints to Bell Lair!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddit_reddit03
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2020
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Why do you never see hippos hiding in trees?

Because they're very good at it.

EDIT: If your looking for animal jokes, read the comments section.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/__Odelay__
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2018
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My dad always used to say, "The sky's the limit!"

Which is probably why he got fired from his job at N.A.S.A.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
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You can't run through a campground.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gargolito
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2016
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How many elephants can you fit in a Station Wagon?

FOUR.

How can you tell if there's an elephant in your fridge?

^There's ^footprints ^in ^the ^butter.

How can you tell if there's two elephants in your fridge?

^There's ^two ^sets ^of ^footprints ^in ^the ^butter.

How can you tell if there's three elephants in your fridge?

^You ^can ^hear ^them ^talking.

How can you tell if there's four elephants in your fridge?

^There's ^a ^station ^wagon ^parked ^out ^front.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/gusbmoizoos
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2019
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Pun Request: Foot

I need to write a bit about "digital footprints" for a class.

I figured I should throw a few foot puns in to spice things up.

However, soon I found that trouble was afoot.

I'm starting to run dry and am close to being dead on my feet.

Can I get a few extra hands (and feet) to throw in some ideas?

Toe/heel/knee puns also welcome.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zachiswach
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2014
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My dad to my daughters this morning at breakfast....

Q: Do you know what you would have if every car in the u.s. was pink? A: A pink carnation

Q: What does a cat in the desert and Christmas have in common? A: SandyClaws

Q: What do a plum and an elephant have in common? A: They're both purple except for the elephant.

Q: Do you know how you get down from an elephant? A: You don't... You get down from a goose.

Q: How do you if an elephant has been hiding in your fridge? A: there are footprints in the cheesecake.

There were dozens more....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/therealsmitty
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2013
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Writing your name in the snow...

Dad: I can pee and right my name in the snow.

Mom: I probably could if I tried.

Dad: .... Well mine won't footprints everywhere.

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2014
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Dad and the Cherries

This was a few months ago, and I only just thought of posting it here.

We were on our yearly holiday and mum decided to take us cherry picking. Driving along the road, mum told us to 'look out for signs leading to cherries.' In confusion, my dad looked at her and goes "I didn't know cherries could leave footprints. Hell, I didn't even know they had feet."

He laughed for a good 5 minutes.

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πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2013
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How do you know an elephant has been in your fridge?

Footprints in the butter.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RodneyRodnesson
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
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How do you know if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?

By the footprints in the butter

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CobraPony67
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
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More elephant flavored dad jokes

How many elephants can fit in a Volkswagen Beetle?

  1. 2 in the front and 2 in the back.

How do you tell if there is an elephant in the fridge?

There's a footprint in the butter.

How do you tell if there is two elephants in the fridge?

There's two footprints in the butter.

How do you tell if there is three elephants in the fridge?

You can't close the door.

How do you tell if there is four elephants in the fridge?

There's a Volkswagen out front.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Joshtimhall96
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2014
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