A football player goes to the doctor and says "It hurts whenever I touch my face, knee and elbow." The doctor says,
"You've broken your hand."
I turned up at the fancy dress party dressed as a football.
I was immediately kicked out.
Why was Cinderella terrible at football?
Because she kept running away from the ball, and her coach was a pumpkin!
Conversation with my 2y old son: What will happen if the moon falls down? Me: Hmm. Maybe we can play football with it?
Son: Nah. The moon has no legs.
Two flies are playing football on a saucer
They’re practicing for the cup
Did you hear about the octopus that played football?
Why is it always so drafty in football stadiums?
Because of all the fans.
Hm. This might be funnier after social distancing measures are safely eased.
Some of my classmates after the football match between Barcelona and Bayern Munich
What do you call the head coach of the Kansas City football team?
There was so much water on the pitch of my daughter's football match this morning.
They needed to bring on the Sub early.
A man takes his seat at a football world cup final. He looks to his left and notices that there is a spare seat between himself and the next guy.
MAN: "Who would ever miss the world cup final?"
GUY: "That was my wifes seat. We have been to the last five world cup finals together, but sadly she passed away."
MAN: "That's terrible, but couldn't you have brought another family member, friend or someone else with you?"
GUY: "No...They are all at her Funeral!"
I was playing football with my younger cousin earlier today
Unfortunately, I kicked it too hard and it broke the window.
We called the repair guy and, apparently when he came two hours later, the window was still in pane.
Now that Football is back!
What would William Perry’s nickname be, if he played for the LV Raiders?
Fridgerator Raider
Did I tell you about my wife who plays football?
What do you get when playing football as well as when asking a girl out?
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
Who is the world's best, but un-tidiest, football player?
gas football
What do you call a gas station named after a footballer?,Antoine Greasemann
I was asked why I never throw a football
I can’t throw with my feet (laugh here)
The funniest guy on the football team
I've finally worked out why Spain is so good at football
Nobody expects the Spanish in position
In honor of my grandfather: You should get a football...
... I think you'd get a real kick out of it.
If you don't like that, get an adding machine, because that's what counts.
What insect is bad at football ?
How did the octopus do on his first football match?
Why are football stadiums all around the world really hot right now?
All the fans are at home.
Did you hear about the football player with the dirty mouth?
Yeah. He was an offensive lineman.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession...
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
The Belorussian Premier League is the only Football league in Europe still playing matches, despite the COVID-19 pandemic.
I heard the atmosphere in their stadiums is contagious.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at American Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
A carrot went to a football game.
Wonder who it was rooting for.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
I used to be obsessed with the idea of playing football with random items of clothing. However, after stealing from a nun's wardrobe to feed my addiction, I soon saw the error of my ways.
It was a difficult habit to kick.
If Pretoria had a football team
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
Same applies if she stops footballs from going in the goal
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Two flies playing football on saucer. One says to the other.....
I am playing in the cup tommorow.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
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