Got my sisters whole family with my dumb owl joke, with a bonus follow up groaner
Me: I don't wanna alarm anyone, but I think someone in this room might be an owl.
Sisters kids: Who? WHO?
Me: gasp OH NO IT'S WORSE THAN I THOUGHT!
cue 2 hours of 4 small kids running around the house like nutcases screaming who at each other
Sister: You don't get to tell my kids dad jokes anymore. You're not even a dad
Me: I'm a faux pas
I found it easier to follow my new year's resolution after I misspelled it.
I am now on a no-crab diet
I knew a man who worked in restaurants his entire life. On his death bed, he told me he regretted that he never left to follow his dreams..
It was never the right time, so he spent his whole life waiting.
Person 1: “Will you follow me?”
Person 2: “No I’m gonna follow sleep.”
Praying mantises don't all follow the same religion.
The other day my daughter asked me why the dog follows her around all the time.
I answered, because she (the dog) looks up to you.
The person who had once kidnapped me got released after serving 10 years in prison. Since then, I secretly follow him to his house every single day without his knowledge.
I guess I'm suffering from 'stalk home' syndrome.
Doctors say some effects of COVID-19 may follow patients for life.
You could say it's a choronic disease.
If electricity always follows the path of least resistance,
Why doesn't lighting always strike in France?
The director told me to follow the pencil with my eyes.
Honestly, I couldn’t see the point.
A large bird follows me wherever I go.
I think I’m being storked.
One of my own tweets. (follow me @tidytuanzebe)
My 7 yr old sister did a huge fart and I told her to say excuse me and she follows with this:
What creature do you follow to find your way out of a swamp?
For a Chemistry teacher, what is the golden rule that his class must follow?
That they maintain decAurum
What do you call a writer who doesn't follow the rules of sentence structure?
During this outbreak, we must follow all directions from the Police
So don't stand so close to me
I always wanted to follow my dear Dad as a commercial fisherman..
But his Net income always put me off.
Why are online talks so hard to follow?
Too many speakers. Every device has one.
My Daughter told me yesterday that she was just thankful that I had inspired her to follow her dreams
Actually she just sits around, smokes weed all day and never calls me, but a Dad can dream.
How do you Follow people on Facebook?
If the Kavanaugh ordeal has taught us anything it's that the things you do in these college boys' clubs will follow you...
Why did the seed follow a German seven
Because he wanted to germinate!
What do you call a ghost that follows Instaram meme pages
With everyone quarantined and staying inside, there is no one out to spy on or follow around...
The stalk market is very weak.
They should have a follow-up to the G-7 meeting called the C Major Summit.
Maybe that will resolve things.
(Not OC but I saw it on FB and it was new to me)
Why do Filipino children always follow you around?
Because they're taught to Tagalong.
What kind of cookies doesn't follow orders
After the G7 summit, they should follow it up with a C major summit
So things can get resolved
My girlfriend and I went on our 9th date to see the latest Batman film. Our dates so far can be summarised as follows:
Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman
When I die I want my gravestone to say as follows:
Not appreciating my puns when I was alive was a grave mistake
How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?
You look for the fresh prints.
What do you call an ant that follows you everywhere?
I changed my religion to follow the teachings of St. Francis, my dad was not pleased
He said 'no son of mine is going to be assisi!'
My daughter wants the new iPhone for her birthday. I told her she can have one if she gets good grades, does her chores and follows the house rules. Otherwise she will get a cheaper phone because
It's my way, or the Huawei
If you're a doctor who doesn't follow privacy laws...
...does that make you a HIPAAcrite?
A woman worried about the suspicious behavior of her husband decides to follow him. Instead of going to the office, she finds him in a small laboratory making soap.
Caught in the act he admits, "Honey, I've been living a lye..."
If you follow this link to comments, and check OP's gif, this should be in the hall of fame...
https://www.reddit.com/r/gifs/comments/aqpdep/if_at_first_you_dont_succeed/egho6hb?context=1
I told my friend that I follow r/dadjokes too
And he had the nerve to respond with “well why don’t you follow the first one?”
One day I want to create a documentary that follows the life of a dolphin trainer. I’ll call it, “living with a porpoise.”
The Grim Reaper went to collect a soul. Upon arriving he says to the unfortunate man: "Your time has come, prepare to leave the land of the living and follow me to the gates of heaven. Now come and don't hesitate, for I am unforgiving. Or else you will wander in the shadow realm for eternity!
Hi unforgiving, I'm dad"
"Yes you are"
I think it's weird Abba doesn't follow its own rhyme scheme
'She is the dancing queen
Young and lean
Only seventeen.'
Might as well be called Aaa
I had to follow my dream of being a carpenter, even though I always end up injured.
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