I had been telling dad jokes to my friends all evening and decided to finish off with one big finale.
Here's my favorite part
https://imgur.com/a/4ZLAw
Overheard my dad after Game Of Thrones finale...
I am in the kitchen and can hear my dad talking in the next room to my mom. Then I hear this attempt at a joke that came off very daddish. He said " well I don't think ill ever get my hands on valyrian steel, but I have plenty of valerian root". I still laughed
It’s a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldn’t whisk for a batter friend.
I finally bought the limited edition Thesaurus that I've always wanted. When I opened it, all the pages were blank
I have no words to describe how angry I am.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I finally watched Dirty Dancing for the first time.
I had the time of my life.
My wife was fighting me about doing our kitchen in granite or laminate. She finally told me that we just can’t afford granite right now.
I have to admit... it was a pretty good counter argument.
I heard that the jalapeño finally finished school.
He is now known as Dr. Pepper
Hmmmmmmmmm, I finally had Shawarma yesterday.
My wife and I are finally fulfilling my lifelong dream of visiting The Golden Gate in person.
She said, “What would you do when you finally see it?”
I said, “I’ll cross the bridge when I get there.”
The rocket scientists finally figured out what when wrong with their missile launch ...
Turns out it was a case of projectile dysfunction.
I finally cleaned out my junk drawer and gave away all my dead batteries
If Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII was involved with politics, he’d be a republican.
I finally cut ties with a friend who was dragging me down
Mountain climbing with a friend is very hard.
A son went to the stockyards to buy a cow for his father. After a furious bidding round, he finally bought one....
However, after handing over his cash, he was only left with 10 cents. He didn't have enough money to catch a bus home. So he went to the telegram office. He asked the lady how much it was to send a telegram home. 10 cents a word she said.
Well, what one word could he send home to his father to explain the situation?
"Comfortable"
Scientists finally had success breeding a donkey and a coyote!
They named it Don Quixote.
What did the lost bee say when he finally found his home?
Hive never been so happy.
I finally got my dream job at the guillotine factory
I’ll beheading there shortly
Edit: Thanks for the silver. My first ever award!
I have a co-worker who claimed for years that he hates Christmas. He finally broke down and told me he secretly loves it, he just has a reputation to maintain.
He finally came out of the Santa Claus-et.
Scientists have finally discovered exactly how much sleep a human needs...
I have finally made it
I have two kids, a three year old daughter and a one year old son. Today as we were driving home, my daughter said for the first time “dad I’m hungry” and I felt the power course through my veins knowing I was about to reach the pinnacle of existence. I delivered the revered line and my wife just looked at me and I knew I had achieved everything in life.
I finally figured out what I'm going to name my dad band...
Saw (goodnight everybody!)
My invention was amazing! After many many attempts, I finally got a two-wheeled vehicle to stand on its own!
I guess tri, tri again is the way.
I've had a chiropractor phobia extending from a childhood trauma. Wife finally convinced me to get my back checked out and treated. Wife afterwards: See, that wasn't too bad
I finally came up with a plan to get rid of the ice on my driveway
I have it all thawed out.
After many years of therapy, my psychologist has finally cured me of the desire to sit in the corner in public and blow on people that walk by! But now I have the urge to wear teen idol t-shirts and lean against the wall...
Long time fan, first time poster.
Finally got around to watching the whole “Back to the Future” trilogy!
I got the final treatment today for hemorrhoids.
You could have said it was a pain in the ass
Did you hear about the Sith apprentice who finally got his printer to work?
I hear the problem was A dam driver.
I finally see why people don’t like the live action DC films!
Because they don’t do the heroes justice
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
They finally caught the guy who's been putting hot sauce in beer mugs
His name: Dr. Frank's-in-stein.
I finally managed to take the perfect nude and felt comfortable sending it to my wife
My secretary looked extra beautiful in that light and atmosphere!
I finally hooked up with the girl who said, “You’re like a brother to me”.
I said, “Well, if you incest”.
I finally came out of the closet
Lorraine finally leaves her husband Dave. His open flirting with the new neighbour Deidre, is the last straw..
Dave reads her leaving note and thinks, "Great",
" I can see Deidre now Lorraine has gone."
I've finally fused marijuana with hard liquor!
Go on, take pot shots at my invention!
He’ll be cutting your grass
What did Jesus the Interior Decorator say in his final moments?
There are two possibilities for words that mean "final part" or "smaller amount".
The possibilities are: end, less.
I’ve finally found a place to work where I can just be average...
I finally got around to reading that Stephen Hawking book!
I've finally given up on finding a name for my window coverings made from bug spray...
I call the search Off! It's curtains for that quest!
I'm finally writing a dad joke about spices
Tootsie Pops finally got into the 21st century and created a Facebook page. With it, they created a new catchphrase.
How many likes does it take to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop?
It’s FINALLY October...
This means all the cobwebs and dust in my home just became Halloween decorations.
The man was finally about to escape prison when he realised he forgot something. He ran back and grabbed acne cream. Why?
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