Lettuce know if you have any
A thesaurus
I guess you could say it wasn't a very effective ice breaker.
It's thesaurus...
(idk who did this, someone just told me this lmao)
I keep it on beaches throughout the world.
I'm calling it The Gluggenheim
I ran out of extension cord
But nobody wanted to buy my cordless extension cords.
Through extensive and persistent tootelage.
Actual joke my dad made while driving past the construction of the building extension: “guess it’s a Wawawa”
They always have an extension chord
They're calling it ElonGate.
Seriously, what a power trip.
You can say it is extensively cross referenced.
That'd be an overreach of his power.
That's a bang for my buck
The B-road starts bragging extensively about his status as a B-road. The bar staff and patrons aren't impressed.
Then, an A-road struts in. The A-road immediately starts criticising the B-road, whilst also bragging about his own status. The two get into a big argument, and the patrons are starting to get riled up.
Then, a motorway barges his way into the bar, and starts boasting that he is better than the A-road and B-road combined. The argument escalates, and some customers grab their belongings, preparing to leave.
And then, a solid white line walks into the bar.
The whole bar falls silent. The argument stops dead in its tracks, and the three roads immediately disperse, avoiding eye contact with the new customer.
The solid white line goes up to the bar, orders a drink, and consumes it slowly. The bar is still silent. As soon as he is finished, the solid white line turns and leaves the bar without a word. The three roads breathe a sigh of relief.
The barman is astounded. "What the hell was that about?!" he exclaims.
"We don't mess with him" mutters the motorway.
"Why not?"
"He's a cycle path".
Extension chords
I asked if I wasn't better off heating up the chilli in the microwave. No response.
My lady and I workout together during the week. Yesterday was chest day and we usually start with incline DB press. She pumps out her second set very well: controlled reps, full range of motion. I was proud to see her progress. She said the weight felt easy, to which I replied, "you could increase the weight... if you were so inclined." She muttered "oh my goodness..." and walked away.
How does Moses make tea? Hebrews it.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Typo.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop
any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd
never met herbivore.
When chemists die, they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
Why were the Indians in America first? They had reservations.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she
couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A theasaurus.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. The
police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last.
My friend sent me these puns idk source just thought you would enjoy
While I was putting away the lawnmower right as the sun was setting.
"Daddy, good thing you mowed fast, or it would be dark!"
"That's right honey, I never could have finished if I moved in slow-mow"
My wife threw a tomato at me from the garden.
An extension chord!
I just got up to take a piss (at two in the morning, mind you), and farted while I was peeing. Lo and behold, from across the house, I hear an audible "Ha!" Thanks, dad.
My son is almost 2 and he likes to say goodbye to absolutely everything. We were watching airplanes fly by and this happened:
Son: Bye, plane!
Me: That's not a biplane!
Things seem to be changing from a culture of dad jokes being jokes that BOTH make you groan or laugh, to "they have to make you laugh." The point of dad jokes is that it's the sort of joke your dad would make, not that it's a always funny joke. Part of the joy is that a lot of dad jokes are groaners.
While joking with her at dinner she called me mean. I replied "at least I'm average."
Each time we drive by the beauty school I attempt a dad joke. Here are some of my favorites.
I wonder how often they use highlighters in their coursework.
Do you think they have extension courses?
Students are dying to get out of there.
Does every teacher allow makeup work?
You know, they're doing the opposite of filing for unemployment.
I wonder how often they change the locks in there?
Do you think cutting class is a requirement?
Does each student have a permanent record?
Do my puns make you want to curl up and dye?
...but few people realize that when they weren't on tour they had a side job as muscologists.
They had an extensive collection of mosses.
He always complains when they don't know the difference between jimmies and sprinkles. But I can't blame him he did do extensive ice cream research in Sunday School.
6 Year old: Where are we?
Me (Dad): In the car.
Extension of the joke (Kid trying to be smart)
6 Year old: Where is the car?
Me (Dad): On the road.
Happened during a reading of an extensive legal clause, containing several 'or this ..., or that ...' statements. The entire department is listening intently, ensuring nothing is missed.
When the speaker quietly chuckles about the 'or' multitude after finally reaching the end of the clause, the director speaks up: "Wow, that sentence should be mined!"
Groans around the room.
Me: I'm looking for extension cables.
Assistant shows me where they are: How long do you need?
Me: oh it shouldn't take me a minute to decide.
My brother and I were helping my dad clean out the basement when my brother found an interesting extension cord.
Brother: "Hey, this extension cord has two male ends!" Dad: "Huh, well that's queer."
"Don't be ridiculous. Do you see any extension cords?"
They always have an extension chord
- I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
- When chemists die, they barium.
- Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
- A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
- I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
- How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
- This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
- I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
- I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
- They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
- This dyslexic man walks into a bra.
- I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
- A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils.
- When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
- What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
- I wondered why the ball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
- Broken pencils are pointless.
- What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
- England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
- I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
- I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
- I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Velcro - what a rip off!
- Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
My Dad sent me this list of punny sayings last Christmas. It explains a lot...
Punny sayings!
I tried to catch some Fog. I mist.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.
A dyslexic man walks into a bra.
PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.
Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
Broken pencils are pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with a extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen.
Police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
Velcro - what a rip off!
Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
Venison for dinner? Oh deer!
Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.
I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.
Venison for dinner again? Oh deer!
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.
England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
Jokes about German sausages are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
When chemists die, apparently they barium.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
When you get a bladder infection you know urine trouble.
Broken pencils are pretty much pointless.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I dropped out of the Communism class because of lousy Marx.
All the toilets in New York 's police stations have been stolen. As of now, it appears the police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Velcro - what a rip off !
In true Dad joke fashion, my father emailed me this list of puns
I tried to catch some fog. I mist.
· When chemists die, they barium.
· Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
· A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.
· I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
· How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.
· I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
· This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
· I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
· I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words .
· They told me I had type A blood, but it was a type-O.
· PMS jokes aren't funny, period.
· I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.
· A cross-eyed teacher lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
· When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.
· What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.
· I wondered why the baseball was getting bigger. Then it hit me!
· Broken pencils are pointless.
· What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
· England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .
· I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
· I dropped out of communism class because of lousy Marx.
· All the toilets in London police stations have been stolen. Police say they have nothing to go on.
· I took the job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
· Velcro - what a rip off!
· Cartoonist found dead in home. Details are sketchy.
