two exes were tied together by a string but it broke

guess there was too much tension between them

๐Ÿ‘︎ 23
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/squintyeyes101
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!

It's my last resort!

Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 22
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/thomasbrakeline
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
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How do game developers get back with their exes?

They patch things up.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 30
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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All my exes live in Texas.

Funny enough, so do all my cousins.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/nickmidas
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
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My friends secretly downloaded a 700MB exe file into my laptop.

I think it's a huge setup.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 20
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/sodomicity
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
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Knot.exe
๐Ÿ‘︎ 16
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Anne1Frank
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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BIL was telling us about one of his exes who counted everything. In fact, her incessant counting was a factor in the breakup.

FIL quips "I wonder what she's up to."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/voidbender
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 25 2016
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Did you know E.T. has an Italian cousin?

His name is Z.T.

-A joke told by my dad when I was on the phone with him this weekend.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 15
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Sweet_Tea_Sympathy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
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What city has the smallest police force?

Minneapolis

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/UniversalHeatDeath
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jul 09 2019
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How is Facebook like Trigonometry?

It's all about finding exes.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/TheAnagramancer
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 11 2018
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How my husband knew he would marry me

(Background: at this point in time my family had chickens on the property and my husband liked them.)

Husband: *playing with chickens*

Me: Honey, how many times do I have to tell you to not play with your food? *smiles sheepishly*

Husband: (hubby.exe processing) we are so getting married.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 31
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/witchy_mom94
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 14 2018
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My wife, to my daughter who won't get off the computer.

"Young lady, you need to pay attention. Get your head out of the cloud."

I'm not sure if it was intentional or not. I'm guessing not, given what I know about the Missus, it most likely wasn't.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 79
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/jimrob4
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 19 2014
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I don't like her, but props.

Picking up my 6 year old son from my exes parent's house, he asks why he couldn't stay with them tonight. I tell him I'm hungry and I'm going to have a few bites of him.

Son: (whining) I don't wanna get ate.

Son's grandma: You won't get ate(8) you've got two more years!

He smiles and I die a little inside because I missed my moment to shine.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 21
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/whereimatnow
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 29 2017
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Why did the watchmaker hate that his ex couldnยดt do somersaults?

Because he only liked roll exes

๐Ÿ‘︎ 10
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/CheezNBaconMan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 24 2017
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