Her ex-husband had a heart attack after winning the lottery

But he'd neglected to update his will. She just couldn't bereave her luck!

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Possum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2018
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A man is explaining to his coworker that he never realized how much his wife loved him until he was home sick from work the previous day

β€œReally?” the coworker asks. β€œWhat showed you she really loved you?”

β€œShe was just really excited to have me around,” the man replied. β€œLike when the mailman and FedEx guy came to the door she shouted excitedly, β€˜My husband is home! My husband is home!’”

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ‘€︎ u/sardonicuis
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
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My mom teased my dad, he didn't get a sandwhich after his reply.

My mom teased my dad by calling him gay. This is how my Dad retaliated.

Dad: your ex boyfriend was hot .

Mom: which one?

Dad: Me

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ‘€︎ u/IAEInferno
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2017
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Wife: β€œI look fat, I really want a compliment!”

Husband: β€œWell... You have amazing eyesight!”

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arch3typ3_
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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A husband and wife who was pregnant were busy making dinner when

The wife exclaimed, "I think my water just broke!"

The ex-husband replied, "well I guess you should get it fixed."

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ‘€︎ u/corectlyspelled
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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These puns are Capital!

So I had a productive day at work coming up with these Capital City puns a year ago today. Thought they were too good not to share!

Why did the Geordie arrange a holiday to Romania?

To book a rest!

Bob Mortimer was speaking to his comedy partner's wife saying he wanted to take him on a piss up to Iceland. When asked why he said:

I want to wreck ya vic!

Why should you never let a man go swimming in Finland with weights on his ankles?

Coz He'll sinky

What do people most commonly use toilet paper for in Bandar Seri Begawan?

Their Brunei

Catwoman bet her male counterpart he couldn't pronouce the capitol of Nepal. But cat man do.

Why was the Polish man rubbing his bollocks? Coz they warsaw.

I just came up with a cracking pun for Japan. Alas, all the wife could say was "What Tokyo so long?"

The ex Mrs McCartney got naked in East Germany in the 80s. She was known for years in the area as Bare-lin

Cheap flights to Russia still available! Book now! Everything Moscow!

The people of

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spoghead
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2018
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my ex-girlfriend's grandfather's funeral

I was at my ex-girlfriend's grandfather's funeral just kind of standing on the side of the room. her sister's husband walked over to me and introduced me to his father. I noticed that his tie had whales and dolphins on it and he said it was his favorite tie. I learned over to my ex and said "at least he wears that tie with a porpoise."

(needless to say, she didn't speak to me for a while)

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ‘€︎ u/clarkolas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2014
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My husband got me!!

My husband and I were discussing some of my ex-boyfriends, and he noticed that I only went out with mopey guys. So he said, "I know what your favorite book is... Mopey Dick." I laughed way harder than I should have.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ‘€︎ u/whayhurst
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2016
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