My brother became a husband and a dad on the same day...

I was a groomsmen at my brothers wedding recently and a couple of us had to go to the bathroom before the ceremony started so we asked if we had time to.

My brother turned to us with a twinkle in his eye and a smirk on his face and said, "Go now or forever hold your pees".

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/dance_battle_me
๐Ÿ“…︎ Jun 12 2017
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(Warning: Morbid dad joke) True Story -- My family were planning my mum's funeral. We always try to keep things light and try to stay positive, just as Mum would have it...

The funeral director was asking us what we think Mum should wear in her casket.

Mum always loved to wear sarongs (fabric wraps that go around the torso and drape downward a bit like a long skirt would), so my uncle suggested that she wear a sarong in there.

The funeral director looked a bit confused, as did some of our family members, to which my uncle added:

"What's sarong with that?"

I started laughing like an idiot. He was proud of it too. The funeral director was rather shocked. We assured her, and our more proper relatives, that Mum would've absolutely loved the joke (which is very true).

His delivery was perfect. I'll never forget the risk he took. We sometimes recall the moment as a way help cushion the blows of the grieving process.

--Edit-- I appreciate the condolences. I'm doing well and the worst is behind me and my family. But thanks :)

--Edit-- Massive thanks for all the awards and kind words. And the puns! Love 'em.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 12k
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/zipflop
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 12 2021
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My wife asked me the other day what I wanted to name our twin daughters. Kate, I replied. And the other, she asked?

DupliKate

๐Ÿ‘︎ 95
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/imdefinitelynotdan
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
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I heard this i while back donโ€™t remember where its from, sorry if it seems butchered(longish)

One day a loving husband and father of 2 sons comes home, one of the sons asks him to come upstairs, so he comes upstairs and his son saysโ€œdad, im gayโ€ the father, surprised says โ€œwell, okay, i still support you sonโ€.
The next day the father comes home to his other son asking him to come upstairs, he goes and the son also comes out as gay, the loving father says โ€œboth you and your brother, i wont have any kids, but, i still support youโ€........ ........ ........ ........ ........ ........ The father then walks down stairs to go and play with the family dog(male) and finds him in the backyard humping the neighbors(also male) dog. The father walks back into the house and exclaims โ€œDoes anyone in this house like womenโ€.
His wife taps him on the sholder

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Zeek7Br-Ba
๐Ÿ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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A nagging wife yelling at her husband "I would rather married Satan than marrying you"

Husband, "legally a brother and sister can't get married"

๐Ÿ‘︎ 18
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/mougy
๐Ÿ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
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"No, that's..."

My dad used to play a game with me and my brother that was, in effect, an extended dad joke.

The "beginner" version, when I was younger, was when I would be talking about something, my dad would intentionally misinterpret it so that we could correct him. The objective being to keep up the misinterpretation in as long of a chain as possible.

Me: "Dad! Top Gun is on TV!"

Dad: "Doesn't that movie have that whiny folk singer on the radio in it?"

Me: "...No, dad, that's Tom Petty, not Tom Cruise."

Dad: "Oh, I thought he was Rosanne Barr's husband?"

Me: "No, dad, that's Tom Arnold, not Tom Petty."

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..."

Later, once I figured it out, we moved to "advanced mode", where we skip the "correction" and just prove that you catch the reference by making another error in response.

Dad: "Oh. I thought he was that golfer..." (Arnold Palmer)

Me: "...wait, I thought that was the victim in Twin Peaks?" (Laura Palmer)

Dad: "...no, you're thinking of the lady who was the actress in Jurassic Park." (Laura Dern)

And so on. Did anyone else's dad's do something like this? Or any current dads? I currently play a version of this with my wife where she'll put on the radio and I'll intentionally misinterpret the artist. (Queen's Bohemian Rhapsody is playing, I comment to the effect of "God, I love Styx. Such a great song.")

๐Ÿ‘︎ 39
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๐Ÿ“…︎ Jan 28 2015
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Preparing for my brother's wedding

My brother got married recently. While we were getting dressed in our tuxedos, my dad and my brother's wife's sister's husband, who is a gynecologist, were trying to figure out how to tie my brother's bow tie (the rest of us had clip-ons).

They were watching a video as my gyno-in-law carefully followed along. My dad said, 'It's so complicated. So many folds.' And my brother's wife's sister's husband said, 'good thing I'm a gynecologist'

posted this story as a comment in a recent r/AskReddit post. Thought you'd like it too

๐Ÿ‘︎ 19
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/alydm
๐Ÿ“…︎ Sep 06 2016
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Woman's brother gets to name her twin kids

There was a woman who was pregnant with twins. Labour was imminent, so she was taken to the hospital to give birth. Her husband was stuck at the office, so her brother, who is a little bit kooky and not the sharpest knife in the drawer, went along with her.

Everything goes well in the delivery room, and she becomes the mother to two healthy children, a girl and a boy. The pregnancy took a lot out of her and she promptly passed out from exhaustion shortly after the birth.

A little while later, the father shows up, all excited to hear about his new kids. The wife's brother is in the waiting room when he arrives.

Husband: "How'd it go?"

Wife's brother: "It went great! Your wife gave birth to a healthy girl and a healthy boy!"

Husband: "That's amazing! Thanks so much for coming down with her."

Wife's brother: "No problem. She passed out after giving birth, so when the doctor came to get their names recorded, I handled it all."

Husband: gulps "Oh really?"

Wife's brother: "Yup. I named your daughter Denise."

Husband: "Denise. Well, that's not so bad now, is it? And my boy? What's my boy's name?"

Wife's brother: "Well, naturally he's Denephew."

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SchrodingersCatPics
๐Ÿ“…︎ Oct 06 2015
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I can't stop shaking my head at my husband....

So tomorrow I'm taking my little brother to his dentist appointment. My husband walked in and asked, "So what time is your brothers appointment again?" and I told him 2:30. He just looks at me and I go "What?" and he said "The timing is just perfect what with his 'tooth-hurty'."

He just closed the door leaving me behind trying to figure out what he said before I got it and just laughed while shaking my head.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 7
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/SecretLipService
๐Ÿ“…︎ Dec 01 2015
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The tools of murder!

It was a dark and blustery Friday night. My wife and I were doubling with my sister and brother in-law at a delicious BBQ joint. Bro in-law (Jordan) asked us if we were up on the latest celebrity gossip.

Jordan - Did you hear about the actress who killed her husband?!

Us - what? No! Who?

Jordan - Ya! She stabbed him with a knife when he came home. I just can't remember who it was... What was her name?... Reese! Reese something...

Us - Wait! Witherspoon??!

Jordan - No! I just told you. With a knife!

๐Ÿ‘︎ 6
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/austynross
๐Ÿ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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I just got dad joked by my 14 year old nephew.

Talking with my niece about her senior project at a technical high school. She is in the culinary program and must make a dish representing her heritage. Since she is 50 % Native American, she went with Venison Chili.

My husband and I are hunters and we were able to provide her with some venison this year.

She mentioned another girl in the class was also doing venison but she ordered hers online and it was mailed to her.

I told her that hers was going to be better because hers was fresh.

Her younger brother looked at me with the most serious look on his face and asked, "If it's fresh, should we put it in the corner?"

Man, is he exactly like his father (my brother) and grandfather.

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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Jenivare
๐Ÿ“…︎ Feb 16 2014
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Dad's visiting and making sure we're fully supplied with dad jokes.

My dad and brother are visiting us, and we'd arranged it so my husband and I were going on vacation just as they were leaving. As I'm running around packing, my husband tells me that we're going to need to bring another bag after all. I commented, "We were supposed to be packing light for this trip!"

My dad, who's standing nearby, pipes in, "You don't have to pack lights. I'm pretty sure they have electricity there." We couldn't help but groan.

๐Ÿ‘︎ 2
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๐Ÿ‘ค︎ u/Avalie
๐Ÿ“…︎ May 02 2014
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