How does two German car enthusiast cowboys greet each other?
My son said, “Dad, when you were young, was the landline the only way you could communicate with each other?”
I said, “No. Get your fax straight.”
I just found out that dogs and trees can communicate with each other
Sock puppets caring for each other.
Why don’t eggs tell each other jokes?
Because they crack each other up!
(I’m ‘yolking’ 😂😂😂)
My girlfriend and I smashed toes trying to kiss each other
I replied in agony nice toe meet you.
At my wedding, my wife's family got into a fight with each other, the police were called, and then they ran from the cops.
So now my in-laws are out-laws.
I used to organize my change by putting each coin into their respective cage, but someone stole all the nickles!
Now I have a nickleless cage...
My wife and I crack each other's backs every morning
How do Surfers say hi to each other?
I've been to visit my grandmother's grave three times this week and each time someone has mysteriously covered it in gravy granules.
Two pieces of bread are talking to each other
Bread 1: So you like mold now?
Bread 2: Yeah it grew on me
Two psychics run into each other on the street.
One says to the other “you’re doing fine but how am I?”
A couple on 60 years met a genie and they got 1 wish each The wife wished she’d travel the world so she did. The husband wanted a 30 years younger wife
Today I went up to my coworker with a sample jar in each hand
And I said hey check this out, jar jar clinks and I clinked them together.
The other day I saw a bucket at the hardware store with a sign that said: dead batteries - $1 each.
I thought to myself “these should be free of charge”.
How do the French send photos of cats to each other?
My wife was talking about how long we have known each other.
I said: You know the rules, and so do I.
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
How do Vikings talk to each other?
A comedian would do a set, each show, where he sprinted to either side of the stage with his mouth tied up.
2 Corn Cobs saw each other naked
So I was rolling coins from my tip money and placing the rolled up sleeves on each other forming a kind of pyramid shape:
My sister walks up to me and asks: “Are you creating a pyramid scheme?”
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
How does an orchestra keep in contact with each other?
What do horses in adjacent boxes call each other?
How do eyebrows salute each other?
How do Korean onions greet each other?
Does anyone know where we find the handmade Mother's Day gifts the school sends out each year?
I checked my kids' backpacks like usual but they weren't there.
I was reading a history book, and apparently in the middle east there were hundreds of years where nocturnal predator birds used to fly around and ejaculate all over the place. The Arabic people would keep each other up to date on the latest attacks; and so marked the beginning of...
What you call it when computer programmers make fun of each other?
Why dont chickens insult each other?
They dont like getting roasted
I got into an argument with a friend about what the best medieval weapon was. I said the Warhammer, he said the Mace. It got so heated we are currently not speaking to each other...
Talk about blunt force drama.
Why are the Muslim flies angry at each other?
Each year 100 million birds die in the US by crashing into Windows...
I guess you could call them Blue Screens of Death.
There was a line of people outside of the gym I workout at the other day. I found it quite weird as the line of people were paying money just to hit each other.
Guess you could call it a punchline.
I don't know if keeping 2m distance from each other is such a smart idea...
Definitely not as I'm driving on the highway.
Sauce: my dad.
4 people on a raft each have a cigarette but no way to light them. One of them throws their cigarette over board..
And the raft becomes a cigarette lighter
Why don’t skeletons fight each other?
A short essay on the benefits of beating the shit out of each other — A satirical essay based on a single, overplayed pun
In my opinion we should beat the shit out of constipated people because:
-
Laxatives are an unhealthy way of dealing with feces. On the other hand, beating the shit out of someone is a good way to practice sports activities like, running, grip strength, punching techniques etc.
-
Other methods of dealing with feces take alot of money. Laxatives aren't cheap in our flawed healthcare system! On the other hand, there are people that are willing to pay you to beat the shit out of you. By using this method you can become richer and deal with your shitty problems.
-
Constipation requires being in the bathroom for a long time. This can be very lonely for the people involved. However, beating the shit out of others can be done in any place. Your home, the local park, or even the shady street corner! Not only that it's a very social activity, requiring a minimum of at least 2 people, but usually done in groups of 2-5 people.
Although some people might say, that beating the shit out of each other is violent, most of them have never been to a public toilet and hence are unable to realize how much more painful and violent the alternative is.
In summery, beating the shit out of people is a good, legitimate, and affordable alternative to laxatives and is a better, more progressive way, to deal with constipation.
For prom, high school seniors will have to video call each other
They need to practice social disdancing.
what do lightbulb scientist say to each other?
Did you hear about the two houses across the neighborhood from each other that fell in love?
It was a lawn distance relationship.
What do two oceans do when they meet each other?
Being new parents, my wife asked me approximately how much diaper rash cream we should be putting on the baby during each diaper change. I told her it should be obvious how much we should be using.
We agreed to start greeting each other without making physical contact...
How do bees greet each other?
So as my boss watched, I led the group of clowns into the office, each one had a laptop computer. My boss facepalmed and said:
Dammit autocorrect!
I said we need to invest in CLOUD based IT infrastructure!
Made for each other.
Sara cleaned Megan's house. Megan cleaned Sara's house. They are Maid for each other.
Why don’t Captain America and Dr. Strange respect each other?
Because there’s no honor amongst Steves.
I love watching touching videos of people helping each other.
I’m just afraid that it’s not social distancing.
For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.
I guess you might call them emu-jis.
How do other Green Lanterns recognize each other?
They all have a familiar ring to them.
You know, sometimes, as I lie in bed, looking up into the great night sky, counting each star and watching the moon slowly float by, I think to myself:
"Where the fuck is my roof?"
How did the Grinch know to average all of the presents he stole, so that each Who in Whoville got the same amount returned to them?
He’s a mean one, Mr. Grinch.
Even though we disagree with each other a lot on Reddit, here’s some thing we can hopefully agree on.
People who are reading this are on the same page.
In my opinion, people should wear different deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
My wife and I have problems understanding each other and always get wires crossed.
But I love it when the sparks fly.
What do you call a pair of crows sitting next to each other?
An attempted murder.
*A group of crows is called a murder.
A friend of mine collects info and puns about crows and told me this one.
I saw a group of snails take off their shells and fight with each other.
The number of people who are injured each year while walking drunk
I used to own 3 ski lodges, one in the Alps, one in Aspen and one in France. When I got divorced the first 2 times, my exes each got a lodge as part of the settlement. The third marriage, I decided I needed a prenuptial agreement to cover my assets. It was all I could do!
It's my last resort!
Edit: changed "it was" to "it's"
Three plants were fucking each other in the forest
They were having a treesome
What happened when the oceans saw each other?
They waved.
Do you sea what I did there?
Are you shore?
I opened a book and counted the average value of how many times the letters A to M appear in each page of the book. After getting the results, I threw them away.
They are only means to an N.
What do prisoners use to call each other?
Octopus : [holding a gun in each hand]
Cat : You're one short buddy
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
I don't get it, why is it so important for Christians to have 'K' and 'M' next to each other at Christmas?
I mean every other song "No L, No L!"
A man takes his wife to an unusual restaurant where you must stand in separate lines for each food item ...
As they sit down, the husband offers to go get their dinner. First he waits in line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes. He he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and even the gravy line.
He finally returns to the table with two heaping plates of food. “What would you like to drink?” he asks.
“A glass of punch would be nice,” she says. So off he goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, a line for milk, even a line for water. After considering all of his options he gives up and returns to the table empty-handed.
Sometimes there is no punch line.
Even in places where grocery workers are allowed to unionize people who do bagging work have no say on what goes into each new contract.
Baggers can't be choosers after all.
My son was just born and another dad at the nursery congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday… said maybe they'll marry each other.
Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age...
My twin brother called me from prison. He said “so you know how we always finish each other’s sentences”
Once a Bank of America Bank cheque was lying next to a Wells Fargo Bank cheque, they started talking to each other and became friends....eventually, they became so close that they became
How do toys in gangs greet each other?
What do bread loafs say to each other when they meet?
Two friends race each other. When they both finished, they fist bumped.
I guess you could say the finish line was also the punchline.
A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?
Pink Floyd's "The Gnome" and David Bowie's "The Laughing Gnome" were released within a month of each other.
It was bignomeial.
Courtesy of my dad.
My wife and I started fighting each other whilst wearing boxing gloves and 'Eye of the Tiger' playing in the background...
We are going through a Rocky patch!
How do ponies communicate with each other?
First time I plowed my garden, I noticed something shiny in one of the hunks of dirt. Upon rubbing it, I found the whole hunk of dirt was shiny on the inside! I repeated this on other hunks of dirt and each one was shiny on the inside! That made me realize...
Every clod has a silver lining.
Before each Elmo doll leaves the factory ....
... it receives two test tickles.
My friend told me i couldn't make a percussion-like sound by moving my fingers against each other
My wife and I crack each other's backs every morning
I think it’s a great idea to wear two different deodorants, one under each armpit.
But that’s just my two scents.
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