Islam, Judaism, and Christianity have been in conflict with each other for centuries.
Hindus, on the other hand, never had any beef.
While waiting for a school-related live stream, me and my friend decided to throw words at each other and make puns out of them. This is one of my most proudest puns.
My kid’s chemistry teacher was arrested in class yesterday. He was pouring out teaspoons of sodium chloride for each student, but because the class was rowdy, he kept losing his place and having to start over.
The police charged him with multiple counts of a salt.
I was an uber driver for a bunch of pro wrestlers, they were so tired after their show they all just stacked on top of each other in my backseat
I guess I was the pile driver
My town just set the record for the longest line fighting each other
You could see the punch line coming from a mile away
We draw puns for each other daily.
Just heard there is a geezer down the market selling Oxford vaccination for £2 each
If I bought 100 buns for a dollar, what would each bun be?
4 prisoners are telling each other what they were convicted for
The First man says: I committed 2nd degree murder
The Second says: I committed: 1st degree assault
The Third says: I committed 1st degree possession of drugs
The Fourth man simply says: Arson
The Second man asks him: What degree was it?
The Fourth man responds: I'm not sure, it was pretty hot though. About 525 Celsius-ish
Sock puppets caring for each other.
My town throws a festival for the salmon spawn each year. This is what they call companies that contribute a significant amount of money.
2 fish haven't seen each other for weeks
so they decided to meet up at one of them's plaice
Hi, I'm Poseidon. Just had to share this. I'm so proud of my boy. He's already working on his Christmas cards for this year, and I walked by and noticed what he was writing in each one.
Last year we did a Secret Santa where everyone had to give each other furnace parts. I'm so ticked for the stupid gift I got.
Sorry. I just gotta vent.
A queen went travelling to a foreign land. She asked her two ladies in waiting to clean for each other while she was gone, so they wouldn't be out of practice when she got back. When she returned, the two had fallen in love and gotten married.
They were maid for each other.
Made for each other.
Sara cleaned Megan's house. Megan cleaned Sara's house. They are Maid for each other.
For prom, high school seniors will have to video call each other
They need to practice social disdancing.
For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.
I guess you might call them emu-jis.
A man takes his wife to an unusual restaurant where you must stand in separate lines for each food item ...
As they sit down, the husband offers to go get their dinner. First he waits in line for the roast beef. Then he waits in the line for the potatoes. He he waits in the vegetable line, the bread line, the salad line, and even the gravy line.
He finally returns to the table with two heaping plates of food. “What would you like to drink?” he asks.
“A glass of punch would be nice,” she says. So off he goes to get it. He finds a line for wine, a line for beer, a line for soda, a line for milk, even a line for water. After considering all of his options he gives up and returns to the table empty-handed.
Sometimes there is no punch line.
A blue man gives you a pineapple. A man with a horse for a head gives you a blender. A man with seven feet on each leg gives you a dragonfruit. What do you have?
My communist grandparents hated each other, but still stayed married for more than 60 years.
I don't get it, why is it so important for Christians to have 'K' and 'M' next to each other at Christmas?
I mean every other song "No L, No L!"
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “One beer for me, and 10 beers each for all my friends!”
Bartender: Now that’s an order of magnitude!
My wife thought it would be cute if we had pet names for each other.
Guess "Fido" was a bad choice.
Now I'm in the doghouse.
I Need help coming up with an August pun! Each month I write something nice on our calendar to my wife using the month as a pun. Can’t think of one for August! Can anyone help?
A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...
The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"
"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.
"Do you have a brother?"
"No."
After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"
For several days each month, some friends and I get together, play instruments and sing in a medieval style.
I guess you could call it my minstrel period.
My ex and I had cute names for each other. He called me baby and I called him Richard.
I have a whole book of 365 jokes, one for each day of the year. Here are some of the ones I dont cringe at:
-
Why do prisoners hate computers?
The escape key never works.
-
How do trees get on the internet?
They log in.
-
Knock knock.
Who's there?
Toucan.
Toucan who?
Toucan play at that game
-
How do bees brush their hair?
With honeycombs.
-
Why was the empty Olympic stadium so hot?
All the fans had left.
-
Why did the cow cross the road?
To get to the udder side.
-
Why did the chicken cross the road?
It was playing crossy road.
-
Can February March?
No but April may.
-
Did you hear about the guy who stole a calendar?
He got 12 months.
10.why are recycling bins so optimistic?
Cuz they're full of cans.
[Insert minion meme]
My weird boss has assigned designated bathroom times for each employee, and now it’s my turn.
My goal was to build a fort for each letter of the alphabet, but I was only able to build the first six.
What’s important is that I made an F Fort.
I went to a restaurant with two friends the other day one of them ordered a rare steak and the other asked for a medium rare steak. When we got our food they had each other's steaks,
I then instinctively yelled "I guess this was just a big 'mistake'"
I came home and found my girlfriend naked, except for a porcelain mug on each breast
She said she was a t-cup.
I think Facebook is just reddit but five days in the past and everyone’s mad at each other for some reason.
Amazon should be proud for each successful delivery they make
It's a real accomplishipment
This past weekend I spent several hours making intricate little miniature watches for each of my fingers.
That's when I realized I had too much time on my hands.
A man slept for longer and longer each year.
He was gaining inte-rest.
In a bar a man kept pulling something out of his pocket and then asking for another drink. After 2 or 3 hours of this the bartender was curious and asked what he kept looking at after each drink.
Picture of my wife man says. I'm gonna keep drinking till she starts lookin good.
I saw a kickstarter for a game where bulls had to fight each other for survival.
Another shameless cash grab exploiting the popularity of Cattle Royale.
[WP] For 24 hours each year, all cats can break any cat laws without consequences. Welcome to the Purrrge.
reddit.com/r/WritingPromp…
I used to work for a small clothing manufacturer where everyone knew each other
It was a tight knit group
Did you hear about the gay Irish couple that are perfect for each other?
Me: No...
Dad: Yeah they're named Patrick Fitzgerald and Gerald Fitzpatrick.
How do tomatoes declare their love for each other?
"Man, i love you from my head tomatoes."
My wife pointed out to me today that she's bought me shoes for each of my last two birthdays.
Me: "I guess you really are my sole mate."
Just heard there's a guy down Borough market selling Oxford vaccinations for £2 each...
A mathematician walks into a bar and says, “A drink for me, and 10 drinks each for everyone else!”
The bartender says, “That’s an order of magnitude!”
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