Rubber ducky

A friend when you're in hot water

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📅︎ Sep 19 2020
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RIP Ducky
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📅︎ Jun 09 2019
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What do you call a duck that steals?

A robber ducky.

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Dec 31 2020
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An open letter to the mods of r/dadjokes:

C

👍︎ 5k
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📅︎ Jan 08 2020
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Actually made my wife laugh today

My daughter and I were playing with the toy story toys. Bopeep had to see the doctor and I said I don't trust ducky as the doctor. I think he's a quack.

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📅︎ Dec 12 2020
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What's the difference between a tombola and an instagramer's pose?

One's a lucky dip and the other is a ducky lip

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📅︎ Jul 01 2020
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Who steals all the soap in the bathroom?

The robber ducky

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Jan 22 2020
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My roomate's brother makes a duck call.

So My roomate invited me to his family Thanksgiving/holiday party yesterday. After dessert we're all sitting around and the children present are being rowdy. My roomate's brother calls them all over to our table and insists on showing them how to make a duck call. He begins ripping apart an empty soda can and wrapping it up in a very complicated fashion with a napkin and a plastic fork. He meticulously takes the top off, makes strips of metal, and winds them into this plastic fork. He carries on like this for about five minutes, the children utterly transfixed, sit watching until his creation is finally "complete". He then holds it up to his mouth, inhales, and shouts: "HERE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!"

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Dec 08 2013
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➡

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📅︎ Feb 22 2016
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Duck Call

Dad sees someone drinking a can of soda pop. He points to the tab on the top and says, "ever seen one of those used as a duck call?"

Invariably they'll say "no."

He'll pull the top off, slightly bend it several times, each time blowing a practice puff through it, and then put it to his mouth and yell....

...."HERRRRRRRE DUCKY DUCKY DUCKY!!!!!"

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👤︎ u/lautzy
📅︎ Sep 16 2013
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We were burgled today, they stole the soap, shower gel and shampoo

The cops think it was a robber ducky

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📅︎ Jan 05 2017
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On how we were feeling at the office today

I asked a co-worker how he was feeling and he said, just ducky. So I asked another one what animal she is today and she told us that she's a kitten. When the third heard that he said she must be feeling a little sick.

I replied, "don't you mean that she's 'feline a little sick?'"

I'm not allowed to talk to people now.

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👤︎ u/dedtired
📅︎ Sep 17 2014
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Wife just dad joked our son

Apparently i need to step up my dad joke game as this is the second good dad joke to come from my wife.

During bath time our infant son was playing with his rubber duckies and lightly whacked himself in the head. My wife, without missing a beat says, "whoops, you got quacked".

Groan

Edit: spelling

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📅︎ Aug 24 2014
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Who stole the soap?

The robber ducky.

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👤︎ u/Xerupton
📅︎ May 13 2019
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What do you call a duck that steals soap from the bathtub?

A robber ducky

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👤︎ u/Onlyadeej
📅︎ May 11 2018
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