I don't have tags for my dog, but I bought her a phone in case she got lost. She ran away today.

I really should collar.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vaxis2113
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2018
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Mom wants to get the dog a new tag...

So my mother is discussing the dog, saying we should get a new tag for her collar and she says, "let's make sure we get a cell phone and not just the home phone on it"

And dad walks in and says, "won't that be pretty heavy?"

πŸ‘︎ 929
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShakeandJake94
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2014
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What’s the difference between a dog and a marine biologist?

A dog wags a tail but a marine biologist tags a whale

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WindsOfNovember
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2020
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My uncle named his dogs Rolex and Timex...

They are his watch dogs.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2018
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Cheat sheet for Dads on Halloween

What is a Vampire favorite fruit?

  • Neckterines

What kind of dogs do Vampires like best?

  • Blood hounds

How does a ghost cry?

  • Boo Hoo

What does a skeleton always say before he eats?

  • Bone Appetite

What kind of key should you always take to a haunted house?

  • Skeleton Key

Why do Vampires need mouthwash?

  • Because they have bat breath

What kinds of street do Zombies like?

  • Dead ends.

What do you get when you cross a vampire with a snowman?

  • Frost Bite

What did the black cat call the mouse on roller skates?

  • Meals on wheels

What does a vampire never at a restaurant?

  • A stake sandwich

What is it like to be kissed by a vampire?

  • It's a pain in the neck.

Why did the witch stand in front of the podium?

  • To give a Screech

What does a ghosts have for dessert?

  • I-Scream

What is a skeletons favorite instrument?

  • A trombone

What kind of dog does a mad scientist have?

  • A Lab

Be honest, how many did you get? What is your dad score?

EDIT: can't get spoiler tags to work...

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gnolaum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2014
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