Did you hear the one about the secret agent that was captured behind enemy lines with a sheepdog as part of his disguise?

When he was put to death, his captors ground him up and baked him in the oven covered in gravy and mashed potatoes.

When questioned as to why such a cruel and unusual punishment was administered, they stated that this was the only way to correctly execute a shepherd spy.

πŸ‘︎ 86
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
If you see transformers flying around, not only do you see robots in disguise, you see...

robots in da skies.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jaylock77
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Its been 3 months and they have'nt noticed my disguise yet
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Vladetare
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A rope walks into a bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, β€œNo, you’re only a rope.” So he decides to disguise himself. He ties himself into a knot & ruffles his edges a bit. The next day, he walks into the bar & asks for a beer. The bartender says, β€œOf course... Wait, aren’t you that rope?”

And the rope replies, β€œI’m a frayed knot.”

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allyyx3
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I told my wife she had so much lipstick and eyeshadow on she looked like she was in disguise

Now I'm having a hard time trying to makeup for it.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trollcitybandit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I think potatoes might be super spies in disguise.

They have eyes everywhere

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sum1said
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do bank robbers use to fix their disguise?

Masking tape.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend dyed her hair red, saying shes a blonde in disguise.

I responded, "ah so you're a red herring"

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SirSurreal55
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I saw a video of two guys robbing a liquor store using panty hose for disguise.

So they had to walk really close together.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zenpod
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when a panda bear disguises itself as a grizzly bear?

Panda-ception

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nerull1252
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2017
🚨︎ report
Transformers , robots in disguise......

.......and on de ground

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bazabbo
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2017
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if someone is your dad in disguise? [OC]

Just ask him. If he is, he'll say "no, I'm on da land."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i_post_gibberish
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2017
🚨︎ report
My brother said he was good at being in disguise.

So dad said we should call him Lucy. Lucy in disguise.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bananahp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
Sometimes, I think my boyfriend is a dad under disguise

I was describing my experience at the ENT (Ears, Nose, Throat) doctor to my boyfriend.

Me: So he took a sample from my throat to get it cultured. Bf: What?! He's saying you're not cultured? Me: Ugh....... DADDDDD

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlovely21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2014
🚨︎ report
A company started selling land mines disguised as prayer mats...

The prophets were through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PianoSchmo
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2020
🚨︎ report
I tried to sneak into a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor.

The security guard suspected I was not the Real McCoy.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Two pieces of string slither into a bar...

They climb up a couple of bar stools and have a seat. One of them says to the bartender, "Hey, give me and my partner here a beer would you?"

The bartender replied, "Sorry, we don't serve strings here."

So they climb down off of the bar stools and slither across the floor and out of the bar.

One says to the other,"Lets go down the street. I know of a better bar than this one anyways."

"Now wait a minute, said the other string.This is clearly discrimination!"

"Well what do you intend to do about it?"said the other string?

"I'm going to go back in with a disguise and I'll get that damn beer." So he ties himself in a knot, frazzles up one end of himself,goes back into the bar,slithers across the floor and climbs up the bar stool. He says to the bartender, "I'd like a beer please."

The bartender says," Wait a minute . Aren't you the same piece of string that was in here a while ago?"

So the string said, "No.I'm a frayed knot.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are airplanes so hard to see?

Because they're in disguise

πŸ‘︎ 428
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotA_Drug_Dealer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
I've started a business selling landmines, disguised as doormats.

The prophets are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CarlFG1100
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pope that wanted to be a ninja?

He was a blessing in disguise

πŸ‘︎ 124
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoMoreTerritory
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are pilots so hard to find?

Because they're always in disguise!

πŸ‘︎ 153
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/breakone9r
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2020
🚨︎ report
I recently came across a business opportunity to produce bombs disguised as prayer mats.

The salesman assured me the prophets would go through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mrmatt04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2019
🚨︎ report
DadHelp wanted: more variants for "interrupting cow" knock-knock joke to amuse kids

Everyone knows the interrupting cow knock knock joke but we like making up KKJs for other cows. Here are some of ours; please add more so I can continue to surprise and delight the young people near and dear to me. TIA!

(Obviously each joke goes "Knock knock" etc. I'll just write the "cow" part and the punchline)

  • French cow: le moo

  • Backwards cow: oom

  • Upside down cow: woo

  • Sad cow: moo hoo hoo

  • Ghost cow: moo-oo-oo-oooo

  • Police cow: moo ee oo ee oo ee oo

  • Cow on a motorbike: (make zooming moo)

  • Cow in disguise: Baa

  • Horse in disguise: Moo

  • Invisible cow: (quickly cover child's eyes) Moo

  • Inaudible cow:

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/A2S2020
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
If you made an explosive device, but disguised it to look like a dog left in a hot car....

Would it be a Car-Pet Bomb?

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRage469
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a nun with a face veil, on a plane.

A blessing in the skys (disguise)

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sikarknight
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I went to a christening where the priest was wearing glasses, a fake nose, fake moustache and a wig...

It was a blessing in disguise

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Londoner1982
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I told this joke to a frog

It quacked him up

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/midy-dk
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Costume Designers Literally Only Want One Thing...

...And It's Disguising.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Antman?
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pentixide
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2019
🚨︎ report
xpost from /r/writingprompts: A poorly-disguised escaped dairy cow has worked at an ice cream parlor... but now her bovine related puns is slowly starting to give her away.
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GoldenApple23
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2016
🚨︎ report
A string walks into a bar...

Bartender says "Hey! You're too young to be in here! Get lost!"

The string goes outside, and to disguise himself, ties himself in a loop and messes up his hair and walks back in.

The bartender sees him and yells "Hey! Aren't you the string I just threw out of here!?"

"I'm a frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DeChadley
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Went to church on Halloween

Turned out to be a blessing in disguise

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hutimuti
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you guys hear about the airplane that dressed up for Halloween?

It was in disguise.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kyle-inator
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I really don't like cosplayers

they always put an act

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sleep228
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My local church recently held a masquerade themed dinner and whilst the priest was saying grace I suddenly realised...

It was a blessing in disguise.

πŸ‘︎ 152
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nonresidentialdot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Where do zombies go to party?

The rave yard.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Troll_Dovahdoge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
🚨︎ report
Three pieces of string want to go into a no strings allowed bar.

The first piece of string says it’s all about the attitude and struts into the bar. The bouncer looks at him and says, β€œno stings allowed” and throws him out.

The second piece of string says, β€œyou’ve got to be sneaky” and tries to sneak in. But the bouncer sees him and says β€œno stings allowed” and throws him out.

The third piece of string thinks β€œmaybe if I disguise myself”. He then ties himself into a know and frays his edge. The bouncer looks at him confused and asks, β€œhey, are you a string?”

The sting replies, β€œno, I’m a frayed knot”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sirmorganc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you hide a grounded airplane?

By putting it in disguise.

πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2014
🚨︎ report
Thirsty string

A piece of string goes to the local bar for a drink. The bartender says, "We don't serve string here" and kicks him out. He puts on a cowboy hat and a fake moustache and tries again. The bartender sees through his disguise and kicks him out again. Dejected, he sits on the sidewalk until he gets a great idea. He ties himself into a knot and combs out one of his ends. After he enters the bar the bartender says, "Hey! Aren't you the piece of string I just kicked out, twice?" and the piece of string says, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sherzeg
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2019
🚨︎ report
A string is walking home one Friday evening after a long week at work

And so the string decides that he shall stop at his favorite Pub and treat himself to a pint before going home to the wife. But after a decent walk he arrives at the pub to find a new sign on the door that reads " No Strings Allowed".

The string becomes infuriated. "How dare they" he thinks to himself. After having been a loyal patron for 10 years he decides this injustice is not to be tolerated and comes up with a plan.

He takes a moment and steps into the back alley way to be discreet. While he is there he ties himself into a knot and frays the top. Content with his disguise he marches back around to the front, enters the bar and has a seat when requests a pint of beer.

The bartender being a little suspicious looks at him a little uneasily but just can't seem to peg what the problem is. He serves him the beer regardless while keeping a close eye on the suspicious character. A little while later the string decides that the week at work has been so long that he is deserving of two pints of beer before going home to retire for the weekend.

It is just at that point when the bartender is serving him his second pint that he pauses and looks at the string and says "Hold on one minute! Aren't you a string?"

To which the string replied, "Sorry, I'm a frayed knot".

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CannaBrained
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
🚨︎ report
A length of rope walks into a bar...

The bartender says "I'm sorry, we don't serve rope here." The length of rope leaves, and comes back later with a disguise. The bartender says "I just told you, we don't serve rope here." The rope decides that he'll get stronger and force his way into the bar. So, he starts stretching and exercising, twisting himself around, and rubs his back against the brick wall to build pain tolerance. When he returns to the bar, the bartender looks at him. "Weren't you the length of rope I kicked out earlier?"

"No," the rope responds. "I'm a frayed knot."

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FirstBoulevard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Why is it so hard to recognise a pilot?

They always travel in disguise.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lm014
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2015
🚨︎ report
I started a company selling land mines disguised as prayer mats.

Prophets are going through the roof.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shi-Rokku
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the business selling land mines disguised as prayer mats?

The prophets are through the roof!

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/donegal-Hospital
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Earlier, I tried to sneak into the Star Trek convention disguised as the starship's doctor.

Security soon twigged I wasn't the real McCoy

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried to sneak in a Star Trek convention disguised as a Doctor...

The Security guard suspected I was not the real McCoy..

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HanShotFirst17
πŸ“…︎ Sep 28 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.