Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
That sounds to me like one of those cons' piri piri theories.
... If he's out there using dadjokes like this: https://i.imgur.com/R6WrI5t.jpg
"C4 yourself".
Camelflage
Or was it just the last thing he sled?
It's still the oldest trick in the book!
A Missing Link
And he found out he got coat
Someone drew a mustache on the wall behind the wall paper.
Apparently, it was their biggest bust
She went crazy and said she won't play Scrabble with me again
We haven't seen her day planner in a few days.
https://i.imgur.com/O6ePcMG.jpg
I canโt imagine what that guy is doing now...what left is there to do in life after reaching the pinnacle of dad jokes.
An inspiration to us all.
He has them under-raps
An Anonymoose.
Camooflauge.
That wasn't very cache Monet of you.
It was titled "For Your Ryes Only"
They would be playing Hayden go-seek.
Camel-flage
I asked how his business is doing, he said: "Great! Prophets are through the roof!"
Simba-lism.
I've got a bad habit of piling up shirts next to the bed. Well tonight I finally picked them up and took them to the laundry room and put them in an empty basket. I then went on about my merry way.
A few minutes later my wife yell, "Where did all these shirts come from?!?!"
I yelled back, "I don't know, probably Bangladesh!"
I could hear her eyes rolling as well as something about being a smart ass.
Better safe than Sorry.
Excerpt from a book my class is reading:
"...'Say please and thank you nicely and I might let you have some.'
'Please and thank you nicely,' Haroun said quickly."
Haroun must just be saying this to impress his father. I plan to bring it up next class and hopefully get approval for an essay topic regarding dadjokes and their place in literature.
http://i.imgur.com/ZhYxGkd.jpg
