Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
- Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
- It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
- What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
- Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
- Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
- Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
- If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
- Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
- Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
- American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
- The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
- Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
- Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
- Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
- Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
- Rittal me this, Batman!
- Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
- Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
- If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
- When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
- You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
- Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
- Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
- Don't think Seton is
"C4 yourself".
Or was it just the last thing he sled?
Camelflage
A Missing Link
It's still the oldest trick in the book!
And he found out he got coat
Someone drew a mustache on the wall behind the wall paper.
Apparently, it was their biggest bust
We haven't seen her day planner in a few days.
She went crazy and said she won't play Scrabble with me again
https://i.imgur.com/O6ePcMG.jpg
I can’t imagine what that guy is doing now...what left is there to do in life after reaching the pinnacle of dad jokes.
An inspiration to us all.
He has them under-raps
An Anonymoose.
That wasn't very cache Monet of you.
It was titled "For Your Ryes Only"
They would be playing Hayden go-seek.
Camel-flage
I asked how his business is doing, he said: "Great! Prophets are through the roof!"
Simba-lism.
I've got a bad habit of piling up shirts next to the bed. Well tonight I finally picked them up and took them to the laundry room and put them in an empty basket. I then went on about my merry way.
A few minutes later my wife yell, "Where did all these shirts come from?!?!"
I yelled back, "I don't know, probably Bangladesh!"
I could hear her eyes rolling as well as something about being a smart ass.
Better safe than Sorry.
Excerpt from a book my class is reading:
"...'Say please and thank you nicely and I might let you have some.'
'Please and thank you nicely,' Haroun said quickly."
Haroun must just be saying this to impress his father. I plan to bring it up next class and hopefully get approval for an essay topic regarding dadjokes and their place in literature.
http://i.imgur.com/ZhYxGkd.jpg
