How do you discipline your pet rock?

You hit rock bottom!

Sorry....πŸ™„

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_aPOKalipto_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What do you call the people who disciplines others who use puns?

The punisher.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ikennaezeee
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2020
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How does a Radish discipline its Child?

Beeting it.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quoto21
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2019
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How do cows discipline their children?

Ground beef

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RyanRebalkin
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
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While discussing how impossible it is to discipline a cat

"You know, I won the grand prize in a kitten spanking contest when I was younger."

(surrounded by "wait for it" faces)

"It was a cat-ass-trophy."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fliclit
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2016
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My Father asked permission to discipline us kids...

My Mom authorized him to use Dadly Force.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Necrotel
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2015
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I apologise if this isn't allowed.

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

πŸ‘︎ 17k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NoThruTrucks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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Darth Vader has some interesting methods for disciplining his Children.

They're all very hands-off.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EthanObi
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
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What’s the Fastest Growing City on Earth?

The capital of Ireland.

It’s Dublin every day.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Newbosterone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
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β€œ007-Eleven”
πŸ‘︎ 240
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πŸ‘€︎ u/liberaltariat
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2018
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A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he is awakened by the same thumping, this time even louder. He wonders about it and eventually drifts off to sleep.

The next day, the man continues to work on the car, and needs to stay just one more night to complete it. The monks are happy to give him a room, but the man asks to me moved to a different room so he won't hear the thumping. The man goes to bed but is awakened by even louder thumping.

He decides to go investigate, and climbs the stairs, only to find a locked iron door, with the thumping coming from behind it. Unsatisfied, he goes back to bed.

The next morning, he asks the lead monk about the thumping. The lead monk replies,"sorry, can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man, filled with curiosity, asks the leader how to become a monk. The leader gives him 3 tasks: the first, to circumnavigate the globe, to learn about culture, the second task, to cut an entire field with scissors to learn patience, and the third, to memorize the entire monk book, to learn discipline.

The man completes all the tasks, and the leader takes him up to the iron door and pulls out a key. He opens the door to reveal the Monk's greatest secret.

If you're wondering what it is, I'm sorry, I can't tell you, you aren't a monk.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clutchdanger11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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A husband goes home from work... (xpost r/Jokes)

...to find his house with the lights dimmed down and candles surrounding the bed in the bedroom. He finds his wife there, laying abroad with sexy panties and a pink bra, and her bangs covering her left eye. She smiles. "Tonight," she says. "Is going to be the sexiest and most passionate night of your life, sweetie." The husband smiles as his wife gets up and unties his tie for him, and unbuckles his pants. He can't wait. "Lets try role playing." she says. "I'll be your slutty little daughter, and you'll be my father who needs to teach me... discipline..." He grins widely, liking where this is going. His wife grabs him and pulls him down to the bed. She whispers in his ear. "I'm so horny..." The husband enjoys this and decides to follow along with the role playing. He then whispers back in her ear. "Hi, horny. I'm dad."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PatyMac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 11 2014
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My girlfriends laziness helped contribute to me dad joking her.

I had left work yesterday and she had told me she would make the bed. I came home last night and it wasn't made but she was already asleep.

In the morning I ask why she didn't make the bed when she said she would and she jokingly says, "the mattress threw a tantrum!"

I then say to her, "When you're disciplining your mattress you have to firm."

She groaned, I laughed, and I was proud. She never saw it coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Armageddon13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2014
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If you discipline your Rock, does that mean you hit rock bottom?
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/That_Guy2847
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
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How do you discipline your pet rock?

you hit rock bottom

πŸ‘︎ 28
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mabelloe
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2019
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How do you discipline a pet rock?

You hit rock bottom

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alexbeltran43
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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How do you discipline a pet rock?

You hit rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bazster
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2015
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How do you discipline your pet rock?

you hit rock bottom.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ellenburg1
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2015
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It's true to some point

How do you discipline a rock?

You hit rock bottom.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IlinPT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2019
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