What did the movie director say before shooting a dangerous stunt scene?

It’s a take I’m willing to risk.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dubaidadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
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Director!

My friend was promoted to a Director the other day. I congratulated him and asked if it felt more like Spielberg or Fury. I said Fury is the one I’d pick.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjokewizard
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2021
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Did you know the film β€œSpeed” had no director?

If it had direction, it would be called β€œVelocity”.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Divine_ICBM
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
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Which movie director used to be a lumberjack?

Tiiiiiimbeeeeer-ton

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitcheg3k
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2021
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A funeral director friend of mine bought a brand new Cadillac hearse.

People are dying to take a ride in it.

(As told by my friend the funeral director?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PensionNo8124
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2021
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What did the film director say when she was asked what was on her plate?

That's a wrap.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/canadaddy-o
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
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Which movie director like to work in 3D?

Stanley Cubic

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyryoonake
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2021
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What do microwave dinners and disappointed movie directors have in common?

Cut film to vent.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/psychodelephant
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2021
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What's your favourite blue spiky master film director?

Sonic The Hitchcock

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Childhoodcocaine
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
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What do you call a coffee shop that used to be funeral directors?

>!A decoffinated cafe!<

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cyan-180
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2021
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Why was the director unhappy with the close-ups in the Dark Knight trilogy?

All he was getting was Bale-ful looks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheTattedspyder
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2021
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A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...

They had to denominator.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrindoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
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What's the difference between an actor and a director?

One gets in real trouble, the other in reel trouble.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DENelson83
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What do funeral directors eat for breakfast?

Mourn flakes

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Corbin125
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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What does the director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases say when he stubs his toe?

Fouchy!

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
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If I was the director of admissions at Hogwarts...

I would walk into every room while giving tours with my arms outstretched, head tilted slightly upwards, eyes shining, just admiring the beauty of the space and then spin around slowly and proudly state, "And this? THIS is where the magic happens!"

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/expertn00b
πŸ“…︎ Oct 19 2020
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What did the director of the stage production of Cinderella say, after the lead called out sick before opening night?

Get the understudy, the shoe, must go on!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uneeq33
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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What do you call a director who has covid

Quinton Quarantino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lumender
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
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Who did the band director date?

Aβ™­ Minor

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AvGeek1245
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
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The director told me to follow the pencil with my eyes.

Honestly, I couldn’t see the point.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dunadan37x
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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A friend of mine has just got a job as a director at Macdonalds farm.

He's been made the CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 352
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pmak13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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I want to write a screenplay about a Hollywood director who camps out in the wilderness until the pandemic passes.

His name is Tentin’ Quarantino.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/spsheridan
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2020
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At Bob's retirement party the Director stands up and says "I'd just like to say a word about Bob", clears his throat and then says, "plethora",

Bob turns to him and says, "thank you, that means a lot".

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nomadic187187
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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What do you call a self isolating director

Quentin Quarantino

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πŸ“…︎ May 24 2020
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After my director friend finished shooting his scene, I handed him a sandwich.

I said, β€œThat’s a wrap.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2020
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I got a new job this week as the senior director of Old McDonald’s farm...

I’m the new CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kilobenny
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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My dad said my friend shouldn't become a funeral director

It's a dying profession

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bread-Crunchy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2019
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Which movie director is really taking off now during the coronavirus?

Tentin Quarantino

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sidoni_12
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2020
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Martin was depressed because he could never get girls. Then Martin became a director. Now Martin scores easy.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Superbat898
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
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What do you call a director with coronavirus?

Quentin Quarantine-o

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tipsy_Tiger3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
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What do you call an ex director of the KGB served with gravy and cheese curds?

Vladimir Poutine

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrunkRussian23
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
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How do directors know if an actor is acting or just pretending to act?
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
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As a Broadway director my life's greatest accomplishment was the production about a group of kleptomaniacs.

Unfortunately, one of them stole the show.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ivegot_back
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
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Every day at the end of rehearsal, my director friend takes out a sandwich to eat.

He then points at it, and says, β€˜That’s a wrap, everybody.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
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There was an accident in the Paleontology section of a Natural History Museum where multiple dinosaur skeletons collapsed and were broken beyond repair. The directors of the museum were concerned that visitors wouldn't visit that section anymore ...

but visitors still showed up to view the
Tyrannosaurus Wrecks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EyeWunderY
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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What did the director say to the staff when he jokingly said cut?

JK Rowling

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hungontree
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
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After high school Farris Bueller became one of the most controversial FBI directors in recent memory after his investigation of a sitting president

The investigation was known as the "Bueller Report"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Thylocine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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What does the Pornhub director say to the pornstars after the shoot?

Thank you all for coming.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/6BlaCKsalAMI9
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2019
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An underperforming orchestra was playing in an open field when lightning struck its musical director. Luckily, he survived.

He was quite a bad conductor

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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The NFL hired a chicken as their new director of IT.

They call him the technical fowl.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RichyCigars
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2019
🚨︎ report
From our Director of Pavlovian Research, Isabelle Ringin
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/doFloridaRight
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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What do you call the director of the band ACDC?

A conducter of electricity.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LuckyC4t
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2018
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Congratulations to director Domee Shee and her Pixar crew for winning Best Animated Short at the Oscars!

Well deserved. Take a Bao.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cracksilog
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the funeral director always bring Ricolaβ„’ to work with him?

It makes sense with all the coffin!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/iiWizrius
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
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What did the film director say at the deli?

That's a wrap.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/alii-b
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Just got a job as the senior director of the old McDonald farm

I’m the CIEIO

πŸ‘︎ 125
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RadiateHER
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
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