How does someone become a conductor?

They train.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/aaBabyDuck
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
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What did the ghost say to the train conductor?

caBOOse -my 6 year old niece

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snacksonplanes
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
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Why did the conductor get arrested at the protest?

For trying to incite violins

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πŸ‘€︎ u/g_em_ini
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
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My dad was demoted to part time as orchestra conductor due to budget cuts

Now he's a semiconductor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CynAq
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2020
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What’s the difference between a train conductor and a teacher?

One minds the train while the other trains the mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/goldenpike
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
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He is a good Conductor
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LazyYoda
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
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What did the train conductor use to murder his ex-wife?

Investigators aren't sure yet, but they discovered he had a loco motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeftClickMadness
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
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Do you know why someone with ADHD could never be a train conductor?

They always lose their train of thought

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πŸ‘€︎ u/milk-is-bad
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
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How can you tell a train conductor is a drug addict?

The track marks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Baldeagle77
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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As an orchestra conductor, I could tell when the entire violin section missed the key with no sharps or flats...

It was A minor error.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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Why did the train conductor commit a crazy crime?

Because he had a Loco-motive

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MJRichter
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
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"Attention passengers: I'd like to personally welcome you to my first day as a railway conductor. Not to worry though, you're in very capable hands...

I've been training for this."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/NThruThe0utdoor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 28 2020
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You're the worst conductor in the railroad business. How many trains did you derail last year?

I don't know boss, it's so hard to keep track.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tacoenthusiast
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2020
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What do you call a low-quality Russian composer, pianist, and conductor of the late Romantic period?

Knockmaninoff

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheLeakestWink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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Did you hear about the train conductor in Mexico that got arrested for murder?

Yeah, apparently he had Loco-motives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fat-bandit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
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How does a conductor prepare for his shift at work?

He trains.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjphillips612
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
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Why didn't the conductor know what to do when he found that his train was missing?

He wasn't trained for this.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2020
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Railroad conductors

Are so well trained

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
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My son got a job as a conductor

He says there is a lot of training

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eggsnflour
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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Son: Dad, I want to be a train conductor but I don't know where to start.

Me: The station... You can do it. Just stay on the right track

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rehakbrand
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
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A train conductor runs over a person

He goes to court and is sentenced to death by the electric chair. Before going to the chair he asks for a banana, it is given to him and he sits down in the chair, the operator presses the button and... The chair does nothing, so he is let free. The next day he runs over two people, he once again is sentenced to death but this time he asks for two bananas. He is given them, when the operator presses the button, the chair does nothing, so he is set free once more. The next day he runs over three people, he is sentenced to death a third time but the operator says to him, no more bananas, this time you will die. So he sits down on the electric chair and the operator presses the button, but nothing happens, so for the final time, he is set free. Later he tells his friend, "it wasn't about the bananas, I'm just a bad conductor"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVampireQueen7
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2019
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A conductor kissed a girl in his bus, police took the conductor to jail and gave him electric shocks but it had no effect. Why?

because he was a bad conductor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JingaLaLahuu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
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Why does the conductor always forget things?

He keeps losing his train of thought.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SirThiccolasIII
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
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Jeff has had only one dream ever in his life, to become a train conductor.

Jeff went to his local train station and begged for the job. He got a job, as a janitor. Every day he swept the train car floors. To make his job easier, he added certain style to his sweeping technique. He used a 3 level system for how powerful he wanted to sweep. He had a small sweep for small piles of dust. Medium sweeps for leftover chip bags and plactic bottles. And the Super Mega Large sweeps for when there were spider webs as big as the train.

Jeff was a master sweeper, so he got Promoted!.. To hobo kicking. Nowadays he comes to the train station early in the morning, finds the nearest hobo, and kicks him out. However, Jeff's legs hurt after several strong kicks, so he used his 3 level system in hobo kicking. He had a small kick for tiny, bite sized hobos. Medium kicks for your average sized hobo. And his Super Mega Powerful kick for 300 pound hobos.

Jeff was sooooo good at kicking hobos and he was Promoted!.. to coal shoveling. Jeff arrives 20 minutes before his train departu

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Saspa314
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
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Why did the symphony conductor come home with all the wrong groceries?

He forgot the Chopin Liszt

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sztormy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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I wanted to become a conductor

But there was too much train-ing

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uglyoldbob
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2019
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What did the conductor say when the string section walked in? Cello guys!
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gaemboi69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2018
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A Mexican train conductor recently plead insanity.

He said he had a loco motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stage_directions
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
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Why did they arrest the Mexican train conductor?

Because he had a loco motive!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/xiamenlamian
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2018
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How did the conductor get 100% on his exam?

He train-ed a lot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pdonkey
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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My uncle quit the orchestra after the conductor complained he was out of tune

He left on a high note

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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What's the best way to graduate from train conductor school?

By making sure you stay on track...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rbasham08
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2018
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Talking to a conductor at the train station

Background: Where I live, we have these little plastic cards instead of tickets to get on trains. You load it up with money electronically and then "touch on" at the train station and "touch off" when you get off at your destination. The other day I touched on at the station. Shortly after arriving, the meeting I had been going to got postponed. So I touched off. I wanted to make sure that I hadn't been charged for sitting in the station for five minutes so I went up to the ticketing booth.

Me: Is there anyway for me to check the balance of this online or something?

Conductor: Oh, no need. I can do that for you!

He takes the card, places it on the end of his finger, and holds it up to his eyes.

Conductor: Yep, perfectly balanced!

I think he was surprised by how funny I found this.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ChoozeGooze
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
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Did you hear about the locomotive conductor that ran the boston marathon?

He had to do a lot of training.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/All_That_Ass
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
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Train conductors are really good at their job

Because they’re training everyday!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imelie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2018
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Train conductors are crazy

They have loco motives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRtHonLaqueesha
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2018
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I have a train conductor friend who can not multitask to save his life.

I guess you could say he has a one-track mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/theNotoriousKOJ
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2018
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What do conductors wear?

Trainers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/zanman28
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2018
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A train conductor gets arrested for committing crimes in his home town...

The judge wants to know his local motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Scottyharp78
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02 2017
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Did you hear about why the train conductor committed murder?

It was a loco motive.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TxAzure
πŸ“…︎ Dec 28 2017
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What do you call a swimming orchestra conductor?

A moistro.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Minihat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2015
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What do you call a train conductor on a chromosome?

A genetic engineer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bush_Did_4_20
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2017
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What do Amtrack conductors have to do before they can work on the job?

Train

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πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnysmart
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2017
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The Train conductor at the station this morning was definitely a Dad...

So I was taking the train to work this morning, and I'm exchanging at a station. I walk up the stairs to the platform to get my second train which should lead me to work, and I notice a train leaving the platform. As anyone would do, I asked the conductor "is that Liverpool?" (referring to the train as my destination). He replied "No mate, that's a train". It wasn't the liverpool train and I wasn't late, but that sure made my day!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Throwaway00010110
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2015
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