Vin Diesel should commission a heraldic crest under his first name, a pair of snakes intertwined with fangs bared...

Vin's Shield: Vipers

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ranzear
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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What would Vin Diesel's catchphrase be if he became a wrestler ?

WWE are groot

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ANR00CH
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
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I pumped unleaded gas into my diesel vehicle’s tank this morning...

It was a very fuelish mistake.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2020
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Vin Diesel

More like Vin Unleaded

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SandalDeSeagull
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
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Did you hear that Vin Diesel is opening a tile supply store?

It's called "I Am Grout"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ch3000
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2019
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I filled my Escort up with diesel

Well that killed her quickly....

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LilGingeyboi
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2019
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My daughter said why my diesel truck can't run anymore.

Well, if it's running it would be alivesel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/terribledadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06 2019
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My dad on my brother buying a pair of Diesel shoes.

Ages ago when I was really young we went shopping so my older brother could get some new shoes, his eyes landed on a pair of Diesel brand shoes and my dad just says. "Why don't you buy unleaded?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doro1234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2013
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I told my dad about r/dadjokes. He told me to post this pickup line:

Fiat Fullback, Nissan Navara, Toyota Hilux, Volkswagen Amarok, Isuzu D Max, Ssangyong Musso

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ollieacappella
πŸ“…︎ May 14 2017
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DC and Marvel should make a crossover between The Flash and The Incredible Hulk.

They could call it "The Fast and the Furious."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kwakerjak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2017
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Pun pet names.

Pets I want to have....

An otter name Harry Otter. A snake named Severus Snake. A tortoise named Voldetort. A chicken named Kylo Hen. A dog named Barkamedes. A deer named David Hasselhoof. A turkey named Green Gobbleen. A cat named Captain Ameowrica. A stork named Tony Stork. A pig named Peter Porker. A crocodile named Croctor Strange. A duck named Ducktor Doom. A squid named Abraham Inkin. A goose named Ryan Gooseling. A heron named Charlize Heron. A goat named Selena Goatmez An alpaca named Alpacachino. A carp name Leonardo Di’Carprio. A tuna named Tuna Turner. A horse named Neighlor Swift. A toad named Demi Lavatoad. A Rhino named Ryan Rhinolds. A swan named Swan Jovi. A Falcon named Jimmy Falcon. A ferret named Ferret Faucet. A rabbit named Hoptimus Prime. A cow named Moolissa McCarthy. A crow named Seth Crowgan. A fox named Charlie Fox. A cat named Katy Purry. A wolf named Howly Berry. A hamster named Scarlet Johamster. A parrot named Squakin Phoenix. A duck named DuckleBerry Finn. A canary named Jim Canary. A swarm of bees, all named BeeyoncΓ©. A sheep named Meryl Sheep. An elk named Elkton John. A bear named Teddy Mercury. A ram named Gordon RAMsey. A shark named Fin Diesel. A jellyfish named Jelly Clarkson. An Iguana named Eddie Lizard. A hyena named Hyena Bonham Carter. A penguin named Robird Downey Jr.

a ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clixer712
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2019
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What kind of car starts with P

None...They almost all usually use gas or diesel.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/catonmyshoulder69
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2018
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I was running late for work yesterday so I called the bus company to ask if my bus was running on time?

The lady on the other end laughed at me and said "Dear... We don't operate a fleet of DeLoreans! All of our buses run on Diesel..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/evmotion
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2019
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Got the perfect title for the 10th fast and furious movie.

Fast 10: your seatbelts

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Synergy_synner
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2017
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got dadjoked by my best friend

Me: "I think guardians of the galaxy is Vin Diesels best role yet."

Her: "Yeah, he really branched out!"

Me: "dammit..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skyldt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2014
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The Fast and the Furious 8

My brother turned to my dad and told him that "apparently Vin Diesel won't be in Fast and the Furious 8."

My dad quickly replied with "Yep, I heard he's being replaced with Vin Unleaded."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RaiTheThingy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2015
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My dad always has these...

...."insanely witty/hilarious" puns (if you can call them that, I'm not an expert) that he uses when referring to things, here's a few:

  • QuikSilver => SlowGold
  • Vin Diesel => Lose Petrol
  • Backup folder => Frontdown folder

I'll try and think of a few more but you get the point.

Anyways he thinks he's a comedic genius that dude.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/todayIwillHam
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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When engineering professors try to tell jokes.

We were doing a lab using diesel engines.

"Once the fuel rack has been opened, the amount of fuel injected should be sufficient to keep the engine running under its own steam. Or even diesel."

He and the other prof then just start giggling.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
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My Dad's favorite joke

Two men die and go to heaven. The first man walks up to the pearly gates, and St. Peter says, "In order to get into heaven, you must have had a manly job on Earth. What was your job?"

The first man says, "I was a diesel fitter."

St. Peter looks confused, but says, "I don't know what that is, but it definitely sounds manly. You can go in."

As the first man walks through the gates, the second steps up to St. Peter. He again says, "In order to get into heaven, you must have had a manly job on Earth. What was your job?"

The second man says, "I worked at the department store in the women's underwear department."

St. Peter says, "Well, that's definitely not manly. I don't think I can let you in."

The man gets very upset and says, "What about that guy you just let in?"

St. Peter says, "He was a diesel fitter!"

The man says, "I know! We worked in the same department! I would sew up the underwear, and he would put them on his head and yell 'DEEZ 'LL FIT HER!'"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kibasoul
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2013
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