RIP for the departed
πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/udipadhikari
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Saw someone visiting their deerly departed at the cemetery.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hawaiian0n
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My grandmother, a very devout member of the Spiritualist church, used to communicate with departed spirits at her congregation. Unfortunately, she passed away last week. By all accounts, it was a peaceful death.

Perhaps she'll be able to tell me herself at the funeral

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boganic-alcoholic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the disaster at the department store?

Unfortunately, there were many casual tees.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anonymouspapayaz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks...

He found his way to the men's department where a young lady offered to help him. "Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl. "No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl. "No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl. "No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed. "No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience. "No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Β‘Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why didn't you just spell it in the first place?!" yelled the salesgirl.

πŸ‘︎ 88
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cyberentomology
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2021
🚨︎ report
Our Tea Company only allows men in the quality control department. It is a requirement,

...Two Testis.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2021
🚨︎ report
Three of the Teletubbies went shopping at the most expensive department store in town.

The fourth couldn’t afford to because she was Po.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 157
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the prisons new creative writing department?

Prose and Cons

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TreeFittyy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2021
🚨︎ report
I went to a job interview today and the interviewer asked me "what is your greatest weakness?". I said "I am too honest"

He said "I don't think that's a weakness"

"Well I don't give a f* what you think"

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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It must be tough working in the shipping and receiving department of a zoo.

No one ever addresses the elephant in the room.

πŸ‘︎ 89
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigtuna_burger
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I were shopping for clothes at the department store when she asked, "Do you prefer boxers or briefs?"

I replied, "Depends."

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mano_Trueno
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A nominee for director of the math department at my school was caught having an affair with her student...

They had to denominator.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrindoc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw a bunch of guys in the local department store, shouting β€œf#ck”, β€œb#ll&cks”, β€œw#nker”!

Then realised I was in the menswear section.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jnolife
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently every police department has a food division

However, they only take cases involving a salt and buttery.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
Which band were way ahead of their time in the stage lighting department?

LED Zeppelin.

πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zombie-narwhals
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a department of the United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.

UNEEDCHEF

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
What do children and department stores have in common?

They're both preparing for Christmas ... in September.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/drozzi007
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Where do mollusks go to find lost luggage?

The clams department

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/13toycar
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2021
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
When a department store santa loses his job does he get the sack?

Do human cannonballs get fired?

Do pirates get told to sling their hook's?

Do prostitutes get laid off?

Do trapeze artists get let go?

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the most common disease in HR departments?

Staff infections.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst part of working for the department of unemployment?

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 222
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zero_ben
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A status report from the department of justice
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Blind guy walks into a department store and starts swinging his guide dog in circles over his head.

A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the favorite movie of dead people?

The Departed

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bonp27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What department do Optical Technicians work for?

Eye-T

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/maximusheadroom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?

They make a lot of money.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/4llFather
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The IT department is like a bra...

IT supports your most important assets.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
On the way to work I saw a fireman.

So I called the fire department, man.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2021
🚨︎ report
There was a survey in the cosmetics department...

...they were asking people to write a couple of their favorite smells on a scrap of paper and put it in a box.

I didn't really have a strong opinion, but I did put my two scents in.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I was accused of taking soap making ingredients from the department store...

They're all lyes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that BeyoncΓ© bought a department store?

It’s called Jay-Z Penny

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kingofthediamond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The Geology Department at my school rocks
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRipp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.

And put Mariah Carey on the cover

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Sam and Ella walked into a bar.

The bar got shut down by the health department.

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/orthogonius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
At the casino, what department did the vampire work in?

The Count Room

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.

Apparently he’s a con artist.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what happened to that Department of Defense employee?

He's pentagone

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/graafslaaf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report

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