I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 325
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
All day long my cat lazes around the house, saying he is hurt. I told him to quit being a hypochondriac

but he just keeps saying "me ow"

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-sunnydaze-
πŸ“…︎ Jun 10
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ May 27
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a restaurant abnd my specialty was to make the icecreams and cakes, due to my busy schedule I had to quit...

Nonetheless they all call me a deserter

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lowlz13
πŸ“…︎ May 16
🚨︎ report
What's the best way to quit being vegan?

Cold turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 21
🚨︎ report
Why did the belly dancer quit her job?

Because she hated waisting time

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ADTO97
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
What is the most effective way to quit being vegan?

Cold turkey

πŸ‘︎ 246
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WJ_Stedback
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12
🚨︎ report
Today I quit drinking for good

Now I only drink for evil

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
I quit using autocorrect.

It's changed every thong

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the Donkey quit his job?

Hee Hawed enough!

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fromhell187
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
My friend quit his job as a programmer...

He didn't get arrays.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/okbutt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
Quit Stalin already!
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Anam_Cara
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20
🚨︎ report
Elmer Fudd quit hunting and opened his own distillery

It was Whiskey business

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/nom_nom44
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Steve Tyler has quit the music business and become a professional fletcher...

His shop is called Arrowsmith.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlRedux
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my job as a watchmaker

I just didn’t have the time

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iamverymature69
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
I told my son to quit kicking anthills

He’s such an antagonist

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/greymalken
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31
🚨︎ report
Why did the can-crusher man quit his job?

because it was soda-pressing

πŸ‘︎ 198
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tankerman05
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
Based upon my shameful behaviour after drinking, I finally decided to quit drinking altogether.

Now I drink all alone.

πŸ‘︎ 681
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11
🚨︎ report
How do you make your shoe quit?

Put a sock in it

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01
🚨︎ report
I quit my job of drilling holes in decorative wooden plaques...

It was pretty boring.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11
🚨︎ report
Had to quit my job at the muffler centre

Too exhausting

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26
🚨︎ report
Why did the soda factory worker quit his job?

It was too much fizzical labor.

πŸ‘︎ 96
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ElevatedTreeMan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
🚨︎ report
Me and my brother really tries to quit smoking weed,

but it's hard, being cojoint twins.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GobAteMyHamster
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
What would Tolkien have said if he were asked to quit smoking?

Bad hobbits die hard.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kilokiilo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.

Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the banker quit his job?

Because he lost interest.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
Why did Spiderman quit his day job?

He was tired of being a web developer.

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSamsquanch
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman when they gave me first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
My Indian baker quit so I had no one to make flatbread!

It was a naan-issue.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the guy at the tire shop quit?

He retired because he was tired of so much re-tiring.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GotMyOrangeCrush
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
Why did the barometer quit his job?

He was under to much pressure

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/michaelveyrocks
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2019
🚨︎ report
One of my feminist friends managed to get herself a new job recently, and literally the first thing her boss asked her to do was to make him a sandwich! Naturally my friend took a stand and quit on the spot, she's even talking about boycotting the entire company.

Stupid Subway

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the beaver suddenly quit work?

Because he hated his dam job.

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kazaloth_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I bet you that I can quit my gambling addiction!
πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ExpertAccident
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally quit drinking for good

now I drink for evil.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2018
🚨︎ report
I just quit my job as a train driver a few weeks ago...

I can't help but feel that my life has gone off the rails since.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bicycle that quit working?

It was two-tired.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/from311hexchaos
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the candle quit her job?

She was too burnt out.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ImHungry321
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
My Life has been nothing but a disaster and if Just One More Thing fails for me, I think it'll be time to call it Quits.

Hmm...my racehorses really do have some strange names.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Roivas14
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Not really a pun, but you'll be proud to know I quit smoking cold turkey.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeyBlaze
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
I ate an edible and wrote my boss a note before I quit my job.

At least I left on a high note.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PowerPineapple2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
A bullet says he quit his job

He was actually fired

πŸ‘︎ 83
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my last job, all I did was test soft drinks

It was just soda grading

πŸ‘︎ 69
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scamperillium
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my job at the orange juice factory

I just couldn’t concentrate

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2019
🚨︎ report
You say you can quit drinking whenever you feel like it...

But I bet you can't go more than two or three days without water.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DylanVincent
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to work at a shoe recycling shop but I had to quit.

It was destroying my sole.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit smoking cold turkey a year ago

But I still get the urge to go into the fridge and light up a slice.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheshatinmyoven
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the man who quit his job as a can crusher?

It was soda-pressing

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kortbug2000
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the recycling facility because they were making me crush cans all day long.

It was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I think I want to quit my real estate job. I’d rather clean mirrors for a living.

It’s just something I can see myself doing.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chota_chotu
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I used to play the bass but I quit.

It was hard to get the fish smell off my hands.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZonieDrew
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my job selling treadmills.

No matter how hard I worked, I wasn't going anywhere.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thebignate08
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman today

When I got handed the mail I realized this isn't for me

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madgical23
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Before I quit..

I was smoking 2Pacs a day.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ickypossum
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the helium factory today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did Winnie the Pooh quit his job writing obituaries?

He didn't like being the bear of bad news.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Feddny
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2018
🚨︎ report
After a long argument with my boss, I quit my job at the helium factory.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

πŸ‘︎ 628
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
I used to play the triangle in a reggae band..... I had to quit,it was just one ting after another
πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jimmysquirrel
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
🚨︎ report
I decided to quit my job and become a museum curator, but to be honest

I'm just doing it for the Monet

πŸ‘︎ 56
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NeerCrimson
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I bake apple pies for a living. I recently bought an apple corer, but I quit using it...

...because it was boring.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Gasoline_Dion
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife told me to quit singing β€˜I’m a Believer’ or she’d leave me. I thought she was joking.

BUT THEN I SAW HER FACE

πŸ‘︎ 52
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoshPlaysUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit cold turkey!

Now, I only eat hot turkey.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/webguy1975
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Quit horsing around
πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jackthecricketer
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the mailman quit his job?

He didn't like his post

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/boosted101
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to quit my job at the blackjack table

I just couldn't deal with people any more.

πŸ‘︎ 201
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NiacTD
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I had a serious addiction to club sandwhiches, but i quit cold turkey. Now I only eat BLT's.

:D

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/butiaintwrong
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm trying to quit my addiction to smelling saliva.

The whiff drool symptoms are terrible.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm gonna quit my job on a submarine

I'm under a lot of pressure

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/C4ptaincrunch20
πŸ“…︎ Jan 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Quit my job at the can crushing plant

It was soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/uuuumno
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit smoking and I'm using gum as an alternative.

It sure is hard to keep lit though.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shdchko
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad quit his job at the chicken farm.

He said the pay was too poultry.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the hair salon...

They had too many conditions

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nyata1ie
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman on my first day, right after they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and said, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2018
🚨︎ report
I’m not sure why my friend quit his perfume making business and started hoarding old paintings.

He’s got more Monet than scents.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the farm because my boss wanted to pay me in fruits and vegetables instead of cash.

The celery was unacceptable.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My friend quietly quit his job as a eye glass manufacturer.

He didn’t want to make a spectacle.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2019
🚨︎ report
There was a man that wanted to quit his job as a kids party entertainer but kept on procrastinating. Then one day he woke up and said to himself...

No more clowning around

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gabrielc0208
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I had to quit working at the kennel...

It was too ruff of a job.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SmellyRapscallion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit Thanksgiving cold turkey
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garboooge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I wish my girlfriend would quit obsessing over her new sheepskin boots!

Ugg!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/norrisrw
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job working in HR at a coal company.

I got sick of all the miner details.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

It was soda pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 65
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notprospero
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job ?

Because it was soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yashrajt
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor the first day I was hired.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the can-crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda-pressing.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Incremental_X
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me the first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 98
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I just quit my job as a scuba diving instructor.

Deep down, I realized it wasn’t for me.

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a mailman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me.”

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2019
🚨︎ report
why did the can crusher quit his job?

because it was soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job at the helium factory today.

I refuse to be spoken to in that tone of voice.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NameViolation666
πŸ“…︎ Mar 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I quit my job as a postman when they handed me my first letter to deliver.

I looked at it and thought, β€œThis isn’t for me."

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

It was soda pressing!

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/someone425
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally quit drinking for good

Now I drink for evil

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ruberband-savage
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the can crusher quit his job?

Because it was soda pressing

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stuetel
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
🚨︎ report

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