Here's a step-by-step guide on how to fall down stairs!

Step 28

Step 27

Step 24

Step 21

Step 16

Step 12

Step 7

Step 3

Step 1

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2020
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My friend fell down a flight of steps then started looking at me without breaking eye contact...

I'm not sure why he was stairing.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
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Step by step guide on how to fall down stairs.

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
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After the contractor did a poor job installing the moving stairs in our office building my boss threw him down the steps.

That escalated quickly.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/diceblue
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
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I tripped and fell down the steps this morning. My son comes running over asking "Daddy, are you alright?"

I said "No, son. I'm half left."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talorn_Celeron
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
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The Supreme Court held a session today to decide whether Justice Ginsburg should step down

The debate was Ruthless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stretch85
πŸ“…︎ Jan 31 2020
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How to fall down the stairs, a step by step guide

Step 1. Step2. Step 3. Step 4. Step 5. Step 6. ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patmcheese
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01 2019
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A Step Down From Swatch

So the Swiss made a watch called a Swiss watch also known as Swatch for short. Then Croatia made a watch and I thought it was trendy so I got one. Now whenever someone asks me for the time I say 'hold on, let me check my Crotch' and I get really strange looks."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/snaggedbeef
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24 2019
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A technician installed a step-down transformer by accident.

If he got it right, there would have been a lot of potential difference.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ctb33391
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
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I fell down the steps holding my guitar yesterday.

By the time I hit bottom I had written 10 5FDP songs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PolesawPolska
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2018
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My dad just Laid this down on my step mom

SM: β€œI bought some shaved Parmesan and manchego”

D: β€œoh good that hairy Parmesan was no good last time”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueguy1271
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2017
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I finally got around to taking down my Christmas lights. My son asked if I wanted to use the ladder or the step-stool.

I told him I'd prefer the latter, but he brought me the ladder.

This joke sucks

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tyrannosaurus-WRX
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2016
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I was going to challenge my friend to a competition to see who blinked first, but then I fell down a flight of steps.

It wasn't the kind of stairdown I had in mind.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/k-smackerel
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2015
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An alien came down to Earth the other day, stepped out of his spaceship and said, "G'day cobber! Let's start a barby and throw some shrimp on! Strewth!".....

....he was an Austr-alien

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2020
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This morning my 1 year old who can't walk very well held my hand and stepped down from a curb.

So young and already making great strides in life.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chicksOut
πŸ“…︎ Sep 08 2020
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The elevator at work was broken so I took the stairs...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Now no one can get down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
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Why
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hammer2378
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2020
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Theresa May is stepping down on June 7th. As a result, the last week of May is the first week of June.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrDNL
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2019
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If there is one genre of music that raises me up on some days and gets me down other days

It’s elevator music

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MrFunJr2000
πŸ“…︎ Nov 14 2020
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I don't trust stairs

They are always up to something.

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2020
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Three boys go into a haunted house. One brought a knife, one brought a gun and one brought some cough drops

They crept in. It was pitch black and stone quiet. They were suddenly starting to regret this dare. Stupidly, only one brought a flash light. The aggressive darkness and inky black yielded with grudging compliance but always seeming to push back. They moved cautiously onward amid the dust and cobwebs. The floor creaked. They breathed in tight, quick breaths. You could hear a pin drop.

Suddenly, there was a deep moan. "OOOOOOOOUUUUU". It seemed from below them. The house had been abandoned for years. Who or what could make such a sound? The boys looked at each other, but continued on, hearts pounding in their chests.

As they proceeded into the kitchen they encountered a swarm of flies. Buzzing and beating their necks and faces, they rushed and stumbled to the door, not stopping to see what they were truly feasting on. They slammed the door behind them. Maybe a body? But no way were they going back to find out. And again came the sound, "ooooOOOOOooooOOUUU" but louder this time, and

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
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Fun day out at the beach

So when I was younger, me and a couple of friends went on a little trip to the beach. We had a lot of fun there swimming around, making a campfire, all that jazz. Some of us wanted to build sandcastles and get em as high as we could so we could pretend we were knights protecting them.

So some kids started running around being annoying and destroying the sand castles and it got to the point where one of my friends got so protective of his castle, he started punching anyone who even got close. You know how kids are, the other ones got closer and were like β€œwe arent even touching it, calm down!” but he wasnt having any of that so he drew a line in the sand and said β€œif you step over this line, i WILL punch you..”

that was the punch line >insert finger guns<

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Truplup
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
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I don't trust stairs.

They're always up to something.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/original_joe99
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2020
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Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
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This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tracto

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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After hearing about Sepp Blatter stepping down my dad turned to me and did this:

https://i.imgur.com/zjmFTRX.png

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mechanoid_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2015
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Two prisoners are working in the laundry room on the top floor of the jail.

After a couple hours, the guard on duty steps away to use the bathroom.

The one prisoner says: "Quick, this is our chance to escape. We only have a few minutes so have to work together. You rip bedsheets into strips and I'll tie them into a rope, then we can climb down through the window.

The other agrees, "Got it. I sheet, you knot."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
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The One That Made Me Love Dad Jokes

My Step dad told me this one about 25 years ago (I was around 12?) and I've loved it, and dad jokes, ever since.....

A guy named Benny was walking down the beach when he found a magic lamp.

When he rubbed the lamp, a genie came out and said he got three wishes. However, he must agree to never shave again. If he did, he would become an urn.

Benny wished for riches, women and a VERY long life.

Years upon years had passed; and Benny's beard was so long it was difficult to manage. He decided that surely the genie who had granted his wishes so long ago had forgotten about him, and so he shaved his beard off.

POOF!!

He was an urn.

What's the moral of the story?

A Benny shaved is a Benny urned.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CandyceCox
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2020
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124 dad jokes that will make you laugh and cringe

Dad, did you get a haircut? No I got them all cut.

What do you call a Mexican who has lost his car? Carlos.

Dad, can you put my shoes on? No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.

Can I watch the TV? Dad: Yes, but don’t turn it on.

I would avoid the sushi if I was you. It’s a little fishy.

What do you call a fake noodle? An Impasta.

You know, people say they pick their nose, but I feel like I was just born with mine.

β€œEvery time I hurt myself, even to this day, my dad says, β€˜The good news is..it’ll feel better when it quits hurting.'”

What’s brown and sticky? A stick.

Want to hear a joke about paper? Nevermind it’s tearable.

Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.

β€œI’ll call you later!”- β€œPlease don’t do that. I’ve always asked you to call me Dad!”

Q: Why did the cookie cry? A: Because his father was a wafer so long!

What did the mountain climber name his son? Cliff.

This graveyard looks overcrowded. People must be dying to get in there.

β€œMy dad

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/weeb123xD
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
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There was once a priest who went to see the world after taking his oath....

After many years of wandering, he finally arrived in a small village in the middle of nowhere. The people there believed in the same religion as he did, but they had no church; they had to go to the nearest one which was in a small town 25 km's from there. The priest took the initiative, asked the Church for support, and with the help of the local men they built their own temple. From there on, he was celebrating the Sunday masses, joining together men and women in Holy Matrimony, and saying prayers at the funerals.

Many years passed by like that.

At the end of an ordinary mass, in early spring, on a chilly Sunday morning he was just guiding the people out of the church, was about to close the gates when an unknown man stepped into the churchyard.

With his dirty and torn clothes, he stood before the priest and said:

  • Priest, please be good and give me half a lemon! - the priest was a good man, and even though he thought the request was a bit strange, he went back to the rectory,
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doty152
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
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Did you hear about the scandal-plagued politician who insisted on taking the elevator?

He refused to step down!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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I don’t like fall

It’s really a step down from summer

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frank1828
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2019
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I'm disappointed in the the overuse of Dad jokes in today's society

We're a fairly advanced society, we need jokes with content that makes us think. All these easy laughs are making us dumber by the second, and we just keep rewarding them with upvotes that convince the lazy among us to keep churning out lazy jokes. Comedy is one of the only common traits things in every society and culture on this planet and we may not always agree with what is funny, it's very subjective, but no society or culture has no comedy. It's one of the most effective unifiers in all human existence. Of course it's just my two cents, but we really need to avoid cheapening it. There are 6500 spoken languages in the world and this is the most widely spoken, the least spoken languages of course being sign language. Someone once said "a world without laughter would be like a world without warmth, a dark hole in the ground filled with cold water." I know they mean well, but I think it's worse than that. There are three unwritten rules for how comedy should function in the world. We

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mnemonikos82
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25 2019
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Dad Joked the entire room

Sitting in the living room talking about the appeal of nascar with the family when my step mother said she liked the drag races more. Without missing a beat I popped off with: I've never understood the appeal of watching grown men in high heels running down the street.

It was the best part of my day to watch everyone in the room pause, turn slowly toward me and groan loudly

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Intega
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2014
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There was once a mole who loved oranges...

However, the mole couldn't reach them from the high trees and he struggled to climb them. Luckily, there was a tall giraffe who offered to help and got the oranges down for the mole.

The mole would go up to the giraffe every morning and ask him for some oranges. The giraffe would happily oblige but little by little he would get more irritated. One day, the giraffe finally got mad and told the mole to see the badger who could make a tool to help him get the oranges down from the tree.

The mole trundled over to the badger and asked him to make him a tool to help with the orange problem. The badger happily agreed to help and went into his shed. For a few days after: cutting, grinding and sawing could be heard coming from his shed when he finally emerged with a 4-pointed tool. He then proceeded to demonstrate the 4-point tool by sticking it into an orange and allowing the juice from which to drain down the arm of the tool.

The mole was extremely happy and excited by his new magnificen

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/alecroc
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
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There’s a magician

who claims he can heal anyone with magical crystals. He announces to a crowd, β€œanyone who needs something healed, step right up and I can heal you with my powers!” Someone steps up, on crutches. β€œHi, I’m Phil, can you fix my leg?” He asks. β€œYes! Of course! Phil, step behind the curtain!” Answers the crystal guy. Then, another man steps up. β€œYou seem fine! What’s the problem?” The crystal guy asks. β€œI h-h-have ha-had this st-stutter since I wa-was five.” He said. β€œOk, I can fix you right up!” The crystal guy says, motioning the guy with the stutter behind the curtain. Then, he says some sort of chant, moving crystals around. Once he is done he shouts, β€œPhil, throw a crutch over to prove you’re healed!” A crutch goes flying over the curtain. The crowd gasps. β€œNow, sir, with the stutter, say something!” He shouts, showing off it worked. β€œU-uh Ph-Phil fe-ell d-down.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SaucyyThomas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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A communist walks into a bar

He orders nothing, and instead just sits down at the bar and begins reading a newspaper.

β€œWhat’ll it be?” Asked the bartender.

β€œNothing.” Replied the communist, his face concealed behind the newspaper.

β€œYou don’t want anything?” Said the bartender.

β€œNo!” Replied the communist.

β€œLook,” said the bartender β€œyou can’t just sit at the bar and read without ordering anything. I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”

β€œDo you know who I am?” Asked the communist, as he slowly lowered the newspaper, revealing combed back black and grey hair, a large, bushy mustache, and a neatly kept Officer uniform with two gold stars pinned to the left breast.

The bartender stepped back, shocked. β€œWell now you’re just Stalin!”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhabibs
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
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Moving from a 3rd floor apartment to a 1 story house.

You could say it’s a step down.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CasaDeHouse
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
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This guy’s walking home from work, really late, in the pitch black of night...

There isn’t another soul on the street.

Suddenly, from out of the gloom, comes an ominous bump...bump…bump.

He looks behind him and spots a furtive, shadowy thing coming down the street after him.

Unnerved, he picks up his pace, finally breaking into a panicked run.

He looks behind him again, and the shadow is closer.

Bump…bump…bump.

The glow of a streetlight illuminates the shadow momentarily, and, to the man’s horror, it is a coffin, bumping down the sidewalk.

He quickens his pace, running as fast as he can go, but the coffin only pursues more quickly.

BUMP…BUMP…BUMP!

He reaches his house, fumbles frantically for his keys, and slips in the door just as the coffin reaches his front steps.

He slams the door and leans against it, catching his breath.

Bump…bump…bump.

There is a moment’s silence, and the man wonders if he dares to breathe.

Suddenly…. Bump…bump…bump…Bump…

BUMP! BUMP!

BUMPBUMPBUMPCRAAAAASH!!!!

He rebounds away as the door breaks off its hinges.

Scrambling t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2016
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I bet my dad that in one simple move he wouldn't be my biological father anymore.

He didn't believe me, so I told him to kneel down while I stood on top of him.

"See!" I said

"Um... Sorry, but I'm still your dad", he replied

"Yeah, but now you're my step dad"

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ“…︎ May 12 2018
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A Punny Story

A director and a costume designer had a disagreement over a critical shot in the horror movie they were filming in their studio.

The director planned to use CGl for a brief but critical reveal-shot of the movie's monster. But the costume designer insisted they use an actual costume instead of CGl.

"CGl makes a movie look cheap these days," she proclaimed.

The two of them continued debating until they began arguing. The stage crew, actors on break, and other people around them began watching until both the costume designer and director were shouting over each other at the top of their lungs. Despite their efforts, nobody could calm them down.

Fearing the incident may lead to blows, one of cameramen called a studio security guard in urgent request. The guard arrived a minute later and made a beeline for the director and costume designer, who were being held back by multiple people on set.

"lt's my movie. l make the decisions!" the director hollered, hoarse and red in the eyes.

"The

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BaronVA
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2017
🚨︎ report
Jack and the Beanstalk meets Little Red Riding Hood

This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that he’s actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.

One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.

One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a bea

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coyoteTale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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Computer Puns

How do two programmers make money? One writes viruses, the other anti-viruses.


Where’s the best place to hide a body? Page two of Google.


A computer lets you make more mistakes faster than any invention in human history – with the possible exceptions of handguns and tequila.


If it weren’t for C, we’d all be programming in BASI and OBOL.


There are 10 types of people in the world: those who understand binary, and those who don’t.


In a world without fences and walls, who needs Gates and Windows?


Programming today is a race between software engineers striving to build bigger and better idiot-proof programs, and the Universe trying to produce bigger and better idiots. So far, the Universe is winning.


Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.


Never underestimate the bandwidth of a station wagon full of tapes hurling down the highway.


An SQL statement walks into a bar and sees two tables

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Punsville
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2017
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Step by step guide on how to fall down the stairs.

Step 1:

Step 2:

Step 4:

Step 7:

Step 12:

Step 18:

Step 25:

Hospital

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriedLime
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report

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