What did God do after creating a 24-hour period of alternating light and darkness of Earth?
In the darkness...
In the darkness, is where a flashlight really shines!
I walked downstairs to find my daughter eating cereal in complete darkness
I asked her, "What kind of psycho eats cereal in the dark?"
"A cereal killer" she replied.
I have taught her well.
I once met a wizard who threw a ball of darkness at me.
I hate it when people throw shade.
So God was talking to one of his Angels. He said “I’ve created 24 hours of alternating lightness and darkness in earth”. The Angel said “What are you going to do now?” ...
“Oh I think I’ll call it a day” God replies.
It came to me in an hour of darkness
What did God say after he separated the light from the darkness?
I think I'll call it a day.
I was taking my kids trick or treating along a dark country road, on a moonless Halloween night, when all of a sudden, a vampire swooped down from the darkness and landed right in front of us!
My daughter shrieked,"Quick dad, show him your cross!"
Without a second thought, I shouted, "YOU LEAVE US ALONE YOU BIG MEAN OLD VAMPIRE!!"
In the grim darkness of the far future, there are only dad jokes.
What is yellow, sour and fights for the Emperor?
A Lemon Russ!
What body of water has the taint of chaos?
The Hera-sea!
Why is dark written with a K not a C?
Because you can't C in the dark
Why can’t 2021 take a picture in the dark
because it doesn’t have flash
what did the lumberjack do when it got dark?
He took his axe and saw.
Edit: spelling.
The pessimist sees a dark tunnel. The optimist sees a light at the end of the tunnel. The realist sees a freight train.
The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.
Will glass coffins ever be popular?
What was the dark blue sea lion mistaken for?
Why was the director unhappy with the close-ups in the Dark Knight trilogy?
All he was getting was Bale-ful looks.
my son introduced me to dark humor the other day, i don't know why they call it "dark humor"
because they lighten me up
Simple solution to my fear of the dark
I just close my eyes and pretend it's not there
Why is the time period from 476 - 800 ad known as Dark Ages?
Because it was the time of knights.
Dark jokes my 10 year old hit me with part 2: penguins are alot like kids
Both can fly if you throw them hard enough
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Man I hate dark humour
I can't really see what's so funny about it.
The salesman at the furniture store told me, “This sofa will seat 5 people without any problems.”
I said, “Where the hell am I going to find 5 people without any problems?”
It would’ve been really dark if, when Snape was dying, Harry had said “now you’re really the half-blood prince”.
Because he only had half his blood left
I'll never forget my grandfathers last words to me..
"Would you stop shaking the fucking ladder?!"
I've just discovered the Cantonese culture of doing maths in a dark room at breakfast
Apparently they enjoy dim sums in the morning
People can take a dark joke too far...
...but a dad joke is farther!
What do you call a depressed man with a robotic arm?
As I put my car in reverse, I thought to myself...
When does a joke become a dad joke ?
When it leaves and never comes back
A True Dark Horse Candidate [OC]
What do you call an orphan taking a selfie?
While sailing across the ocean, the night watchman saw a dark shape in the distance. He called the First Mate, who also couldn't tell what it was. So he called the Captain. "I can't tell either," he said. "Fetch me an obstetrician."
The obstetrician came to the bridge, squinted into the night and said:
"Congratulations, Captain. It's a buoy!"
My wife told me it's too dangerous to put away dishes in the dark
I said "it's a whisk I'm willing to take"
What did Scooby Doo say when he met Rick Astley in a dark alley?
Imagine you're in a pitch dark room and you have no idea how to escape.
A person was arrested at the special Olympics.
Murderer jokes are very dark
But sometimes they kill the audience
Best and worst death ? /!\ dark humor
« What is the best death according to you ?
-
I think the best way to go is to die like my grandfather... he fell asleep and never woke up.
-
Dying in your sleep is indeed said to be the best way to go. So what do you consider the worst way to die ?
-
Like my grandfather’s friends.
-Why ? How did they die ?
-They were in the car when Grandpa fell asleep. »
Why did the coffee file a police report?
My wife and I were woken up at 3am by loud banging on our door. I got up, opened the door and there was a drunken stranger standing in the pouring rain, asking for a push. "Are you insane man?!!? It's 3 in the morning!!" I screamed, slamming the door and stormed back to bed...
"Who was that?" asked my wife.
"Just some drunk asking for a push." I grumbled.
"Did you help him?" she asked.
"No, I did NOT! It's 3am and it's pouring rain!"
"Well, you've a short memory." she said. "Don't you remember three months ago when we broke down and those two guys helped us? You should be ashamed of yourself! Now get out there and help him!"
She had a point, and angrily, I got dressed and went out into the darkness, calling out, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes."
"Do you still need a push?"
"Yes please."
"Where are you?"
"Over here...on the swing."
My wife hates when she takes off her dark socks and has fuzz between her toes.
She's black toes intolerant.
At my boss's funeral, kneeling down and whispering slowly.
Who's thinking out of box now Kevin?
Do you know what my grandmother's zodiac is?
A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)
She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
Everybody talks about the dark side of Reddit
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, “what are you going to do now?”
God said, “I think I’m going to call it a day.”
Why is dark spelled with a k and not a c
Because you can’t c in the dark
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