It really put a strain on our marriage.
I'm in recovery.
It was an Absolut mess.
(Credit Twitter user TheDillonOne)
Wait. Sorry, wrong sub.
I call him Dr. Awkward
....said the farmer, callously.
Times New Ramen
The last straw.
"Well, no one has come back with a complaint yet."
I’ll let you know.
An assassin
.
Edit: thank you guys so much for the rewards! I was told this joke from my 9 year old sister, she was well chuffed to see all the votes and people thinking she was funny
A Stormtrooper.
"Damn that was a hard drive."
I think I managed to cover my tracks.
I don’t know and I don’t care.
But will she leave me ?
Find out next week.
You might have heard of it. It's called Tryopenin.
Ya don’t say.
Misfor- tune
He turns to his crewmate and says: "Damn, I can't find any milk for my coffee."
The crewmate replies: "In space no one can, here use cream."
A man walked into a bar with his dog and ordered a few drinks. At the end of the night, when he got the tab, he was astounded at the $50 check. He calls the bar tender over hoping to strike a deal. “Bartender, I only have 20 bucks I can’t pay for this drink. Let’s make a deal, if my dog can talk then you’ll let me have my drinks for free.” The bartender states, “there is no way that damn dog can talk! Pay me the money!” The man in response states, “No no sir, watch. Spots, what kind of situation are you in when you didn’t study for a test?” The dog, “Ruff!” The man carries on the bit, “See bar tender my dog can talk! You’re in a rough situation when you don’t study!” The bartender, “Now boy don’t play with me now, just pay your tab, that dog can’t talk!” “Well here, I’ll prove it to you. Spots, what texture is sandpaper?” “Ruff!” The bartender reaches hand over the counter, almost touching the man, “I won’t ask again sir.” “I have one more, just watch. Spots, who is the best baseball player?” “Ruff!” The bartender, done being fooled with, throws the man in his dog out of the bar, taking all his money. He looks at his dog sadly, “sorry spots, I guess he doesn’t believe you can talk...” The dog looks up, confused, “maybe I should’ve said DiMaggio.”
It was a small price toupee.
Nothing, it's on the house.
