I had to use the bathroom. Couldn’t believe someone dropped a deuce right on the floor.
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👤︎ u/nosrrttap
📅︎ Mar 10 2019
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Many people are unaware that Sherlock Holmes is based on Doctor Joseph Bell

In his practice, Dr. Bell sometimes had to treat constipation. That's how he learned to de-deuce.

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📅︎ Nov 10 2020
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Excuse me while I go take a *mild deuce*
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📅︎ Apr 21 2019
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I had to break up with my tennis-playing girlfriend

Love meant nothing to her.

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👤︎ u/milkchaser
📅︎ Oct 24 2019
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Yes, those are chickens and yes that is a ...
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📅︎ Mar 03 2020
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If you work at a grocery store and you pooped on company time

You took a pro-deuce

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📅︎ Jan 28 2020
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Why didn't the tennis player want a wife?

Because love means nothing to him.

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📅︎ Jun 27 2018
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My first girlfriend was a tennis player but she broke my heart.

It was like love meant nothing to her.

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👤︎ u/gt0t
📅︎ Feb 08 2018
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My friend will be leaving prison on 2/22/2022.

On his release, he'll be saying, "Deuces!"

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👤︎ u/peternemr
📅︎ Feb 12 2019
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Tom's Swifties... Wicked.

"There are no two's in this deck." Tom de-deuced. "You're burning the candle from both ends." Tom said wickedly. "I dropped my toothpaste." Tom said Crestfallen.

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👤︎ u/goboatmen
📅︎ Jan 07 2012
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TIL that fruits and vegetables can help prevent constipation

I guess that's why they call it pro-deuce.

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📅︎ Sep 04 2017
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Dadjokes in the bathroom

When I walk into a bathroom and all the stalls are occupied, I make sure to say out loud "Full house beats a flush!"

If I'm lucky I can get a muted chuckle from one of the stalls.

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📅︎ Apr 23 2014
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