I can't come up with a witty title and I don't wanna ruin the joke, so just look at the goddamned picture
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asmor
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2015
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Man, Warren Buffet is so goddamned rich.

Every time I go to one of his restaurants they let you eat whatever you want.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2018
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My wife told me that my botanical garden was so expensive that it was preventing us from starting a family. She said I can either have a hobby...

Orchid

πŸ‘︎ 168
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HoobidyMcBoobidy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2021
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I just invented a new number puzzle game that is reminiscent of another commonly known game!

It’s called pseudo-ku.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Smorp_a_Dorp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
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The recipe said, β€œSet the oven to 180 degrees.”

Now I can’t open it, as the door faces the wall.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
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What does water worship?

A Goddamn

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Asadleafsfan
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
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What do you get when you pick a pig's nose?

Ham boogers

πŸ‘︎ 337
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reydeguitarra
πŸ“…︎ Aug 30 2020
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What was Bruce Lee's real first name?

Nobody knows - he was always a Mister-Lee.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2020
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Goddamn pathogens

Make me sick

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mcsabas
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
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Ask me why the long face one more goddamn time I swear v.redd.it/nzazxqzdijp11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/emiduk45
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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A man has been arrested in South Africa for shooting a giant chess set

Goddamn those big game hunters

πŸ‘︎ 29
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PissYourTits
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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We had a kidnapping at our school the other day

They got a whole 20 minutes in before the teacher woke him up

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ohsolinkable
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
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My wife said that everything on this subreddit was stupid, unfunny puns...

But I made this post yesterday that says otherwise.

Obligatory Edit: I have so many people to thank for gold, but I think this says it all.

πŸ‘︎ 25k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2018
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My wife was always accusing me of being a cross dresser.

So I packed up all of her clothes and left!

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HassanMoRiT
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
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"Jake, would you quit using your goddamn plasma grenades!!!"

"What can I say man, it's my schtick!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaintySload
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2013
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I was at the museum and saw a painting of a bowl, with milk and some kind of food inside.

It was surreal.

πŸ‘︎ 155
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NameTheTrait
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2019
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If A is for Apple and B is for Banana, what is C for?

Plastic explosives

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/joec0ld
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14 2019
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How can you fix a sousaphone

With a tuba glue

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πŸ‘€︎ u/a_very_small_dude
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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uncle ben
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Astouve
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
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What was Whitney Houston’s favourite type of coordination?

HAND EEEEEEEEYE!!!....

πŸ‘︎ 172
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddorical
πŸ“…︎ Jul 14 2019
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The best pun I ever made, true story:

I had recently joined a band as their bassist, whose previous bassist was very punny and also had a long beard like me.

I had made some unmemorable pun, and the guitarist said, "Goddamn it, puns must be related to beards."

I said, "With great length comes greatest pun ability."

Swear to god this is true. Only two people witnessed it. I want you all to be my witnesses.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2020
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Hehe
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmonis2
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2019
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Orion's belt is a big waist of space.

Ok, it's not that funny, only a 3 star joke

πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/snowdaruma
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
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I submitted a statue of myself shaped like a butt to an art contest.

I didn’t win but the judges said I made a real ass of myself.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rurgtide
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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I come from afar.
πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GamerGav09
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2017
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Cowboy Shirt?

...I prefer Ranch Dressing

πŸ‘︎ 46
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DunderMiffedMan
πŸ“…︎ Aug 01 2019
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You really shouldn't watch any horror movie today

It may, Fri 10 you.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dankmonseiur69
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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Ive been waiting all year to post this

This

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Evansa1982
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2014
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So a teen asks his crush to the prom, which she agrees to

On the day of the prom, he goes to pick up his suit. However, once he gets there, there’s a line, so he waits....and waits...and waits...

After he gets his suit, he goes to get her corsage. When he gets to the flower shop, however, there’s an even bigger line, so he waits...and he waits...and he waits...

Once he had the corsages, he made his way to her house, but the roads were packed so he had to wait in line for the turnoff. So he waited...and waited.

Finally, he reaches her house, picks her up, and drives her to prom. But there’s a line to get into the school, so they wait... and wait...

At last, they are in the prom and dancing away. After a while, they get thirsty. So they head for the refreshment table and.....

There’s no punch line

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strikercharge
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2018
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My dad forwarded me an email of his top 10 favorite puns, and asked if any of them made me laugh...

Unfortunately, no pun in ten did

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/avec_serif
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
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That should have been very painful
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πŸ‘€︎ u/theMightyPanda27
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
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How long does a jousting match last?

Until knight fall.

πŸ‘︎ 204
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πŸ‘€︎ u/coffee_cow
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2018
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My GF was slicing tomatoes...

One of them slipped off the cutting board onto the floor and she gasped in surprise. I asked her what happened and she said "one of my tomatoes is trying to get away" So of course I replied "Well did you ketchup to it?" And then I giggled for the rest of the evening.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vercingetorix17
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2017
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I hate when people talk behind my back... i.reddituploads.com/ca5ba…
πŸ‘︎ 833
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πŸ‘€︎ u/twin802
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2016
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I discovered I have a fetish for figuring things out.

I came to the realization.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2016
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Chinese takeout: $24.95. Fuel to pick it up: $1.00. Getting home and realizing they shorted you a box:

Riceless.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/kailebeverettart
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2018
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What did the millennial say when his friend played jaws on the piano?

That low key gave me chills

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texas_OT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10 2019
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Our front door was locked, so I tried to force it open.

My wife said, β€œYou are not a Jedi, just use the goddamn key.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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Fantasy pun
πŸ‘︎ 556
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mikeybthehuman
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2016
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All the children are coming down for Christmas day.

To be frank, it is about time they left their bedrooms.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2018
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A cliffhanger
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PBandJthyme
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
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What did the sea monster say to the comedian?

You're kraken me up

πŸ‘︎ 812
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πŸ‘€︎ u/godset
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2015
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A man and his fence.

One day a man looks out his window and finds one of his fence posts dug up and put in the ground somewhere else.

For the next couple of days this continues on but with a new fence post.

Yesterday was the last straw, so the men sat on his balcony all night to see who the culprit was.

Sure enough at 2am a couple of teenagers show up and get ready to dig up another fence post.

Man: "you goddamn teenagers! Stop digging up old posts and reposting them!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anthonybrose
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
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Mom: [Dad], you're mean. To which he replies...

I'm not mean, I'm well above average.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FrontLoadedAnvils
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2013
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[I've extended the original!] // What do you call a blind deer?

No eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs?

Still no eye deer.

What do you call a blind deer with no legs & no genitalia?

Still no f*cking eye deer!

What do you call a blind deer with no legs & no genitalia that's been worshipping the devil?

Still no f*cking goddamned eye deer!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisissami
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2017
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