Elon Musk just cracked a great joke about going to Mars, was it off the cuff?

Or did he planet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RadToTheBone86
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
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My drug dealer is a funny guy.

He cracks me up.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
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What did the officer say to comfort the foreigner he was arresting?

Don’t worry! These cuffs were designed for two-wrists.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sonicxwwe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
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Did you hear about the man brought in by the Fashion Police?

They questioned him over his criminal ties...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/modestmunky
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2015
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I had to give an impromptu speech on a piece of cloth that encircles the wrist...

I spoke off the cuff on the cuff.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2019
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Categorising Dad Jokes

No jokes here, just a request for some help/clever words. (admin - delete if you're looking just for jokes).

My 12yo son has decided to do a school speech on dad jokes! He is attempting to categorise different types (in a comedic way if possible), Herding cats is easier.

As a Dad my joke are funny (mainly just to me) and off the cuff (so no use in a planned setting); I am requesting some help from those dads more wordy than myself; looking to impart sage words.

Any help will be appreciated and if the speech goes well i will post it.

thanks in advance

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jonjk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2018
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Made a pun at the doctor's today (OC)

The nurse was trying to take my blood pressure, and couldn't get it at first. I told her I have deep veins and usually the cuff has to be inflated until my hand turns blue. She looked concerned, and I said, not literally blue, I was just being colorful. She did NOT laugh. Akward.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Missa_doodikins
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2016
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Chandler Bing really is the master of dad jokes.

While at a tailor's,

"How long do you want the cuffs?"

"Well at least for as long as I have the pants."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/FX114
πŸ“…︎ Aug 31 2014
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Vital signs

I'm an EMT and I was doing paperwork. My partner walks up to me with the vitals of a patient. BP was done with an automated cuff. Me: What's the blood pressure? Him: 165/95 Me: That's odd, heart rate? Him: 77 Me: Odd, respirations? Him: 16, is that odd too? Me: No, that's even.

I found it hilarious.

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 10 2016
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Chandler from F β€’ R β€’ I β€’ E β€’ N β€’ D β€’ S is full of 'em

Frankie the Tailor: How long do you want the cuffs? Chandler: Ah, as long as I have the pants I guess.

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πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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Got my freshmen in class the other day

We had just finished reading True Grit, where (spoiler alert!!!) the protagonist loses her arm. She fell down a hole, broke it, and got bitten by a rattlesnake, so it couldn't be saved and had to be amputated.

I said that the doctor deserved a hand for being able to save her life despite the injuries, and one of my students asked if I plan these jokes ahead of time. "Nope," I replied, "they're off the cuff!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mordicat1989
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2015
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Stolen from Chandler on Friends.

Tailor : how long do you want the cuffs?

Chandler : Oh, at least as long as I have the pants.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chickmagnick05
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
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