Our cemetery is really getting crowded.

Seems people are just dyin to get into it.

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kdlaz
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
I like to pretend that I have Tourette Syndrome so I can cuss in public. Today I went wild on a crowded elevator.

Yeah. It was wrong on so many levels.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2021
🚨︎ report
The graveyard near my town is really crowded...

People are just dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NidalFlame
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2021
🚨︎ report
How do you spot a blind man in a crowded nudist colony?

It isn’t hard...

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A man storms into a crowded bar with a loaded handgun...

Enraged, he raises the pistol into the air and shouts, "which one of you bastards had sex with my wife?!"

The bar falls silent. After what seems like an eternity, a man in the back replies:

"You don't have enough bullets!"

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheFirstArknight
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
I have a fear of being in a crowded vehicle and going through underground passages

My doctor says I have carpool tunnel syndrome.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/salawm
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are there no trees or parks in crowded cities?

Because there’s never any parking

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boi_789
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2019
🚨︎ report
My bedroom is really crowded

Might need a turtle to wipe the floors!

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ActiveAnxiety9
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2019
🚨︎ report
People in a crowded hall were all exhaling in a competition to see who could exhale the longest. The most illiterate one butted in, saying;

β€œSighs doesn’t matter, guys!”

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Chedderchees
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone microwaved fish in a crowded room.

It was a shellfish move.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pun-isher42
πŸ“…︎ Mar 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Overheard at a crowded restaurant by a 4 year old

Why does ice cream taste like milk? Because it is milk

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/novedb
πŸ“…︎ Mar 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Crowded Resturaunt

Whenever we're in a crowded restaurant and the hostess tells us the wait time, my dad asks "If I was the president would you have a table for me right now?" The hostess says "Yes, of course." Cue my dad "I'll take his table."

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StarSeeker303
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2013
🚨︎ report
My socks and underwear drawer was getting too crowded

so I put all my socks into an old poster tube. Now all I have are tube socks!

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zeke21703
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
🚨︎ report
The crowd doesn’t deserve MC-Dino...
πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Dube12
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2021
🚨︎ report
A group of geese is a gaggle, agroup of rats: a mischief, a murder of crows, bats a colony and men a crowd. What's a group of batmen?

An orphanage.

πŸ‘︎ 145
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jayjay3078
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2021
🚨︎ report
The new LEGO store is having it's grand opening today and the crowd is growing.

Folks are lined up for blocks!

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SayLittleDoMuch
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked if our kids were spoiled.

I said, β€œNo, I think most kids smell that way.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report
Why are oysters the best at crowd control?

'cause they always be screamin' : "ALLRIGHT EVERYBODY CLAM DOWN !!!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hurtkopain
πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2021
🚨︎ report
I am thinking of pursuing a career in crowd estimation.

I wonder how many people are in that field.

πŸ‘︎ 27
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2021
🚨︎ report
i guess the crowd wasn't orderly orderly orderly though
πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ggeerrtt
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Sitting around watching the birds crowd around the bird feeder,

My brother says, "Someone must have left a good Yelp review." I said, "Yeah, somebody tweeted about it."

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2021
🚨︎ report
You know how they throw the ball into the crowd after they win the game?

Apparently, that's not allowed in bowling. I know that now.

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2020
🚨︎ report
A mother gave birth to a boy with a defect, he only had a head.

There was no body, arms or legs to him but he was functioning normal and his parents loved him. On his 21st birthday his dad took him to a bar, bought him a beer and gave it to him to drink. Suddenly his torso grew out of his head. Around him amazed the bar started chanting β€œDrink, Drink!” His dad got a second beer and gave it to him, this time he grew arms and hands. The stunned crowd all chanted again β€œDrink, Drink” He got his third beer and drank it himself with his new hands, suddenly legs and feet grew. The crowd applauded and cheered. The son couldn’t believe it and started to run. He ran around in circles and then out of the bar. Unfortunately he ran into the road, got hit by a truck and was killed instantly. The barman looked at his dad, sighed and said β€œHe should have quit while he was a head”

πŸ‘︎ 161
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mr-E-Droflah
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2021
🚨︎ report
But they can still draw a crowd
πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HueyLameass
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
A child in Egypt got separated from her mom in the crowd and was looking for her but got confused.

Because there were so many mummies.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lunarmeric
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone just threw a jar of mayonnaise at me!

What the Hellman?

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16 2021
🚨︎ report
A plant is fine, a shrub is fine, but tree's a crowd.

I hope you scrolled past that.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bigdickcorrine
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2020
🚨︎ report
For the IT crowd
πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/obonecanolli
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2019
🚨︎ report
A magician stood in front of a crowd and claimed that he could disappear. He counted, β€œUno..dos..” and was suddenly gone.

He disappeared without a tres.

πŸ‘︎ 306
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LeopardusMaximus
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
If two's company & three's a crowd, what are four & five?

Nine.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Xero19
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2020
🚨︎ report
The crowd doesn’t deserve MC-Dino...
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbs3
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a hen who counts her eggs?

A mathemachicken

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlankPhotos
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a room full of ravens?

Crowded

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Breachx4002
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
Watching an Australian cooking show and the chef made some meringue and the crowd cheered!

Surprising since most Aussies like to boo meringue.

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hoosierdaddiesx
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
For dinner we’re having Himalayan rabbit stew

That rabbit, found Himalayan on the road

πŸ‘︎ 106
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lvrcerosis
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
There was a Mexican magician who said "I will disappear on the count of 3"! The crowd was silent. He began to count. "Uno... Dos...

and the magician disappeared, with out a trace.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/NYRion7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
MC-Dino hopes the Reddit crowd gets him... πŸ₯Ί
πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mbs3
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2020
🚨︎ report
Just performed in my first concert in China

The crowd was so impressed, they gave me a standing of asian

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2021
🚨︎ report
A Frenchman, a Spaniard, and a German went downtown to see a juggling act...

The performer saw the men arrive and that the crowd was large so he stood on his cart and yelled "can you see me now!?" to which the men replied Oui! Si! Ja!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ“…︎ May 11 2021
🚨︎ report
A man can fly

So there was a man and woman at a bar. The man says "I bet you 5 bucks this magic water will make me fly!" the woman clearly didn't believe him so she accepted the bet. Sure enough the man jumps off the roof and flies for a bit until he gently goes back to the ground. The girl was amazed! She said "You should market this stuff." "You could make millions!" Still in shock she asks for a drink. She takes a swig and a small crowd forms because this girl is about to jump off of a building. She jumps off and falls onto the pavement. The guy is laughing his head off. Suddenly someone shouts from the crowd "You're a mean drunk superman!"

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/JoesMemories
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2021
🚨︎ report
With the barber shop finally open after many weeks, there was a huge crowd of people jostling for position to get in...

They really need a hair traffic controller.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KW-DadJoker
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do police get to riots early?

To beat the crowd

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The1Pootato
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Trying to grab some toilet paper among the crowd at Costco was really traumatic.

I think I have TPSD.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke for a hard crowd /r/cleanjokes/comments/go…
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/koNekterr
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend takes bets on who's the ugliest person in a crowd.

He's a FaceBookie.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2020
🚨︎ report
Wise man once said?

Crowded elevator smells different to midget.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jesuscide
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What is the best American state to go sunbathing?

MonTANa

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hethondje
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
This graveyard looks really crowded this year

People must be dying to get in!

πŸ‘︎ 39
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skindrella
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2020
🚨︎ report
This graveyard looks crowded

People must be dying to get in

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Dec 03 2020
🚨︎ report
There's quite a crowd at the lego store

They are lined up for blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 40
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thephantomnose
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the crowds at the grand opening of the new Lego store?

People were lined up for blocks

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CurGeorge8
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2020
🚨︎ report

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