He gave me knightmares.
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
Because they will be The Children of the Quarn.
I met a stranger on the tube the other day. He didn't say 'hello', as a normal person might. Instead, he said, "Remember Matt Damon".
That seems a little bit weird... but it gets weirder. The next day, I passed the same fellow on the street, while I was out walking my dog. He called out to me once again, "Remember Matt Damon".
But I finally cracked it and called the cops after the SAME guy tapped on my bedroom window, at 11.30 pm last night. He called to me, loud enough for me to clearly hear him through the glass, "Remember Matt Damon."
My conversation with the police then went like this:
Me: Officer, I think I have a stalker.
Policeman: can you tell me anything about this person?
Me: Well... uhhh... he reminds me of Matt Damon...
They give me the crepes
"The earliest example of a prosthesis ever discovered is not a leg, arm, or even a fake eye, it’s a toe. A big toe, belonging to a noblewoman, was found in Egypt and dated to between 950-710 B.C.E"
...the very, very first faux toe ;)
Non pun related, the egyptians were the first to grind lenses too, not used as glasses but instead inserted into statues for creepy eye effects
Creepy white vans.
Daddy never had a Garbanzo bean on his face.
You can watch the kids, but don't Overwatch them.
That's just creepy...
But that’s just the way It is.
I said "That's easy, you're already a Maryland man's son."
He means the reverse.
Scene; Nighttime a few days back - just before bedtime - allowing my 2yr old son outside to say goodnight to the moon. Because of the time of year it was big, yellow and close to the horizon.
Son: Daddy, the moon is hungry. Me: Nah, it's Full.
It keep trying to frondle everyone
It makes me sick
http://imgur.com/e7sMIOp
Her dad: Enjoy your vodka, fur coat, and caviar tonight!
Girlfriend: What?
Dad: Aren't you Russian?
Because it had a nice ring to it.
Watson walks in on Sherlock having sex with a younger looking girl..
"Bloody hell, Sherlock! What'd you think you're doing bangin' that chick. She looks like she's in highschool" Sherlock replied, "Elementary, my dear Watson"
And I want my wife to come along. So I've been looking for one of those psychics to help us out. But my wife hates them – she says they're all to dark and spooky.
I came across a guy who does seances, but he's not your typical creepy witch doctor type. His place is bright and cheery, and he himself is a very friendly and likeable guy.
I think we finally found a happy medium.
Tulips on your organ.
Me: I'm glad you didn't. Finding you in my closet would have been creepy.
Other co-worker about dies laughing...
Dad: "Lot's of corn you guys got on this farm!"
Seller: "We sure do, been in the family business for many years now."
Dad: "Could be a little creepy with all the corn....stalking us!"
Seller: "......"
Dad: "Sorry, just a little corny jokes :D "
We left extremely embarrassed and never bought the land. (edit, formatting)
Driving past a cemetery earlier
Younger brother: No wonder these places are always empty, they're so creepy
Dad: Are you kidding me? People are dying to get into this place.
We meet up to work on our lab and when I got there I realized I hadn't eaten in almost 9 hours.
Me: hey have you eaten yet? Him: wide eyes and creepy voice what do you mean? I've been eating my whole life. Me: really.... Really?
My dad told me this the first time on Halloween night back when I was 9. He tells it to this day to any of my cousins, nephews, or any kids that happen to linger too long at the house when he's giving out candy. It's a long one but I have always enjoyed it.
Back when I was about your age, I went on a Halloween adventure. There was an old abandoned house on our street where a series of grisly axe murders had taken place years before. The house had never sold and was left vacant and was left to fall apart. There was a local legend that if you went into the house on Halloween night, you'd be confronted by the ghost of the murderer himself, still looking for more victims to add to his terrifying story.
My friend Tom and I decided to go through with it one year. Knowing everyone would be too terrified to go into the house, we snuck in easily on Halloween night. The place was falling apart inside, the carpet was wet and moldy and the wallpaper was peeling off everywhere. We headed down carefully to the basement down a set of creaky stairs.
At first we found nothing. Just an empty creepy old house. Suddenly we felt as if we were being watched. I was looking through one of the rooms in the large basement when I suddenly heard Tom shriek. I spun around and turned my flashlight and Tom was being chased by something, no someone. It looked like it was the murderer! A crazed man with an axe!
We turned and tried to run anywhere. We were in the basement but couldn't get up the stairs because we were blocked. We ran into the side room which looked like it might have been the laundry years ago. We locked the door and looked for a way out. The only thing we could find was a small window that opened onto ground level. As I climbed out I heard a pounding on the door. I managed to wriggle my way through the window and turned around to help my friend Tom. Panicking, he managed to get his top half through the window when I noticed the pounding stop.
Tom was stuck! I kept trying to pull him up but I couldn't. I pulled as hard as I could as Tom panicked and thrashed even more. I thought something had him caught, but it was even worse. The murderer had gotten behind him and was holding him back! He was too strong for me to overcome and he was pulling Tom's leg!
Just like I've been pulling yours this whole time.
The family was siting around doing nothing yesterday while the movie Elf played.
The protagonist was watching the love interest, and this was our commentary;
Me: "Wow, he's just staring at her. Not creepy at all."
Dad: "They call that stocking."
People kept telling me that lurking was a creepy name.
He rasped, "Cuz they’re still alive!"
