What did the German pieces of cookie dough say to the pastry chef?

Viscous

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26 2019
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Cookie dough is the sushi of desserts
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Twigsnapper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2018
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Wife asked me where the cookie dough was...

My reply: I dough know

Got a solid eyeroll for that one!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rosscoPcoletrain
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2017
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Obituary for the Pillsbury Dough Boy, Pop N Fresh

The Pillsbury Doughboy, remembered best as "Pop N Serve", and/or "Pop N Fresh", died yesterday of a severe yeast infection and trauma complications from repeated pokes in the belly. He was 71.

Doughboy will be buried in this lightly greased coffin.

Dozens of celebrities will turn out to pay their respects, including Mrs. Butterworth, Hungry Jack, the California Raisins, Betty Crocker, the Hostess Twinkies, and Captain Crunch.

The grave site is expected to be piled high with flours.

Aunt Jemima will deliver the eulogy and lovingly describe Doughboy as "a man who never knew how much he was kneaded".

Doughboy rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers.. He was considered a very smart cookie, but wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes.

Despite being a little flaky at times, he still was a crusty old man and was considered a positive roll model for millions.

Doughboy is survived by his wife, Play dough, three children: John Dough, Jane Dough and Dosey Dough, plus they had one in the oven. He is also survived by his elderly father, Pop tart.

The funeral will be held at 3:50 for about 20 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyes_and_teeth
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
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They're to die for.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HemperorSean
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2019
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My wife's making cookies right now.

I'm really proud of this one.

I'm at my desk while my wife's baking cookies in the kitchen, just around the corner. I heard a metallic snapping sound followed shortly by an β€œOh no!”, so I called out:

> "What's wrong?"

> β€œI broke my whisk!”

> "Oh, that sucks."

> β€œIt was my favorite one!”

See it coming yet?

> "Well, then that's a whisk we're just gonna have to tape."

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πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2014
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Need help for wedding menu!

We have ice cream flavors like Mint to Be (Oreo mint) and Brownie Eyed Girl (chocolate Brownie, brides flavor) but need help for a name for vanilla cookie dough. It’s the grooms flavor, his name is Chris if that helps. THANKS REDDIT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/airianathegreat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2018
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I asked the waiter if they had any slices of cake

He said they ran out, but they have 2 slices of cookie dough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PregnantMosquito
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2019
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A pail o' puns!

1. What is the most important drink in life?

Vitali-tea.

2. What do you call an uptight man with wet tapestry?

A wet blanket with a wet blanket.

3. Describe an uptight man with an erection holding an alcoholic beverage.

A stiff with a stiff with a stiff.

4. What do you call introverted window blinds?

A shutter-in.

5. What do you call an uncooked deer cookie?

Dat doe dough 'dough.

6. What do you call a plant's religion?

Agri-culture.

7. What do you call a football players' phone charger?

A Charger's phone charger.

8. What do you call a clock tower striking twelve?

High noon.

That's all I got.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StickDemonic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
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So proud of my wife.

Me: β€œwant to make some cookies this weekend?”

My wife: β€œsure, we can add it to the to-dough-list”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/patbergix
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2017
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Having been raised without a dad, I never realized there was a void in my life until you all filled it. Thank you! In appreciation, I present the only dad joke I've experienced firsthand.

Friends and I are playing Mario Kart 64. Friends' dad comes in.
"Who wants icecream??"
All of us "Me me I do!"
"What flavors do you want?"
"Cookie dough!"
"Rock Road!"
"Strawberry!"
"Ok, I was just wondering."

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2014
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With my family at a Chinese restaurant...

My father in-law gets a fortune cookie that is dad joke worthy by itself: " Good bakers always make plenty of dough." My sister in-laws husband, who is a new father himself fires back, "thats because they knead it." I congratulated him on fully realizing his new dad joke abilities, then promptly posted this here as any good Redditor should.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RolandLovecraft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2015
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My grandmother and I get it.

Sitting in the kitchen talking about oysters for Christmas Eve dinner and mother is rolling dough for christmas cookies.

Mom: Man, oysters are really expensive. Me: I bet those oysters are gonna cost you a few clams (Granda sees mom struggling with dough) Grandma: You're sure gonna have some mussels by the time you're done with that dough

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SoundtheBrolarm
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2013
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Dough Boy

Veteran Pillsbury spokesman Pop N. Fresh died Wednesday of a severe yeast infection. He was 71. He was buried Friday in one of the biggest funerals in years. Dozens of celebrities turned out including Mrs. Butterworth, the California Raisins, Hungry Jack, Betty Crocker, and the Hostess Twinkies. The graveside was piled high with flours, as longtime friend Aunt Jemima delivered the eulogy, describing Fresh as a man who "never knew he was kneaded". Fresh rose quickly in show business, but his later life was filled with turnovers. He was not considered a smart cookie, and wasted much of his dough on half-baked schemes. Still, even as a crusty old man, he was a roll model to millions. Fresh is survived by his second wife. They had two children, and one in the oven. The funeral was at 3:50 for 20 minutes.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/natesplace19010
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2016
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