I was in my kitchen and my cousin went next to me as I was looking at the brownies, placed a fork and said fork u. + to add on to this as I was trying to take this photo the brightness wasn’t working properly so my dad’s girlfriend goes β€œguess you could say it’s forked”
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Weewoman11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
what did the man with stutter say when asking the brightness of some light bulbs?

"what watt are those?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/live4lifelegit
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2015
🚨︎ report
I squint at the sun because its bright...

......but, I squint at some coworkers, because they aren't.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I once knew a guy who was a pilot but he wasn't very bright.

All of his friends called him plain stupid.

πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CrazyArmy2019
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
His Sun isn't so bright...
πŸ‘︎ 92
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2020
🚨︎ report
In the store I saw some brightly coloured greeting cards that said, "I will always love only you "

They sold them in packs of 12.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
More (mediocre) OC in honor of a woman who lived a bright and colorful life. We will miss you, RBG.
πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hypeeveryoneup
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound. That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak
πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/StoppingMusic21
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2020
🚨︎ report
The sun is hot, and bright... I look up to the sun. :)
πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DatLilChara2
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I started making lamps in the shape of the alphabet.

After the first three, it was a D-light.

πŸ‘︎ 49
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Your Chinese restaurant is too bright...

...maybe you should dimsum.

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/risanthy
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I dig it
πŸ‘︎ 519
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πŸ‘€︎ u/loot98
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend today is intentionally staring at the sun to cause eye damage.

Look on the bright side, today will be the last time he sees 2020....

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RasberryOnline
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, I was extremely bright.

Because of this, my dad called me "sun."

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SilentTempestLord
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
What is a highlighter's favorite Twister position?

Knee on yellow.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cheelay_
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Many years ago there was a vicious viking named RΓΌdoff.

RΓΌdoff was one of the best fighters in his village and a terrifying opponent on the battlefield. He would often return from battle, so drenched in his opponent's blood that he became known as "RΓΌdoff det rΓΈde", meaning "the red".

After years of wars, and regular battles, RΓΌdoff finally grew old, and decided that his fighting days were behind him. He became the best farmer that his village had ever known and people would travel from.far away to ask him about his crops and to predict the weather, as he was quite proficient at it.

One morning he wokeup, and looked out the window, the skys were clear and the sun was shining, but RΓΌdoff could feel the pressure in his old bones and battle scars

"It will Rain soon", he said to his wife while she made breakfast. She glanced outside and told him he was nuts, it was bright and sunny.

He simply hiked up his pants and reminded her:

RΓΌdoff The Red knows rain, dear.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/smoffatt34920
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
What happens to nitrogen when it's bright outside?

It becomes daytrogen

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DaRealEnderguy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS The M6 has become blocked after a truck shed its load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes...

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery.

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AustralianGroan
πŸ“…︎ Mar 26 2020
🚨︎ report
What animal is bright?

A lamb.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bomber31
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
How many lightbulbs does it take to fix a lightbulb?

doesn't matter, they can't fix it either way because they're not bright enough.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EggToastLover
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
They ain't very bright
πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/papa_papito
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm too bright to be illuminati

I've seen the light.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Instead of decorating my whole house this year, I decided to put all of my lights in my drinks cupboard instead..

We'll Christmas is all about Makings Spirits Bright

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
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A Frog Walks into a Bank

A frog walks into a bank and approaches the teller, whose name plate says Patricia Whack.
"Miss Whack, I'd like to get a $50,000 loan to take a vacation."
Patty looks at the frog in disbelief and asks his name.
"KermitΒ Jagger. My father is Mick Jagger. It will be fine to authorize the loan, I know your manager."
Patty explains that he will need to secure the loan with some collateral.
"Sure, how about this," said Kermit as he produces a tiny porcelain elephant, about an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed. Very confused, Patty explains that she'll have to consult with the bank manager and disappears into a back office.
Patty walks into the manager's office and proceeds to tell her, "There's a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $50,000, and he wants to use this as collateral." Patty holds up the tiny pink elephant. "I mean, what in the world is this?"
The bank manager looks back at her and says..."It's a knickknack, Patty Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/josephlied
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Why was the gardener caught burying lightbulbs?

They wanted to grow a power plant.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/evihder
πŸ“…︎ Oct 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm so bright

My dad calls me son

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Barl_jalgruuf
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
🚨︎ report
The lights in the Chinese restaurant were too bright

so I asked if they could dim sum.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I expect a reaction from you all.
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/shampoo_and_dick
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Crane flies are optimists.

They're always looking on the bright side.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeeSeaBayBee
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2020
🚨︎ report
A man walks into his home to realize that all his lamps were stolen

He was delighted

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TJPancaker
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺHow do you make your cell phone smarter? ‬ β€ͺ

Turn up the brightness. ‬

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/farrukhsshah
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
A man was washing the car with his son.

The son asked, "why don't you use a sponge instead?"

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rey_lumen
πŸ“…︎ Sep 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I ran into a lamppost

But I only have light injuries.

πŸ‘︎ 56
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lenzar86
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I like to keep a photo of the Sun on my phone. When people ask me if I have any kids, I start telling 'em about my son and how bright he is. I then pull out the phone to show them the photo.
πŸ‘︎ 221
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TimothyHalpern
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2018
🚨︎ report
Bright
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SSKNlabs_97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
Look On The Bright Side
πŸ‘︎ 43
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PeterLauris
πŸ“…︎ Sep 05 2018
🚨︎ report
You should go to the candle store...

They’re having a blowout sale.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zedhead0628
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I couldn’t afford to pay my electric bill in college

Those were pretty dark times

πŸ‘︎ 52
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jacob_Young6138
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01 2020
🚨︎ report
If you're meeting your girlfriend's parents for the first time, always wear a bright long-sleeved shirt, gloves and shorts.

You want them to think you're a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog is not very bright.

He filed my taxes late again.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KarateChop231
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Dad Jokes

It was a brisk Saturday morning when Gerald arrived at β€œThe CafΓ©,” a hip coffee shop right down the street. Wearing his large, burly black coat, he stared hesitantly at his watch. Thick glasses adorned his bright blue eyes, his gaze like starlight in a clear night sky. He was waiting, intently twiddling his thumbs. After a buzz of his phone, the message from Dad popped up: β€œParking now, be there in 5.”

β€œDad,” he whispered under his breath, swiping the message away to once again reveal the image on his lock-screen: a hazy picture of an ultrasound.

Gerald had not spoken to his father for three years. They had had a falling out, over which he did not remember. To him it was a competition of who could wait the longest without calling or sending a text. Who could wait the longest: him without a father, or his father without a son? The idea of friction in the relationship hurt like a thorn; piercing his soul more and more everyday. Until recently, out of the blue, β€œDad” popped up on his phone. The rest is history. The rest leads to that Saturday morning, at The CafΓ©.

Bang! A car door rang out not too far from where Gerald stood. Gerald saw him. His father wore his tweed jacket like a coat of armor. His strut was now weaker than before they stopped talking; a weakness evident in his cane which supported every right step. His shortly trimmed white beard juxtaposed against his uncut, curly grey hair gave him the image of a wise wizard from a fairytale. He used to be that figure to Gerald, yet instead of a nice ancient being acting like a stone to keep him grounded, Gerald had felt as though his father was a rock pulling him deeper and deeper into a sea of monotony. Holding him back from his true potential. Maybe that was why he left? He still did not know.

β€œHello, son,” came the withered voice Gerald had sook for so long, yet now that it had arrived wanted to avoid. β€œI can’t believe it’s been so long!”

β€œYeah,” said Gerald, allowing a smile to grace his face. β€œToo long!”

Then they hugged, signifying a change in their relationship. Gerald had hoped something could happen to bring them closer together. He did not want to go on wondering what could have been. The regret and sadness weighed him down. Before starting a new family, Gerald wanted to be reacquainted with his own.

After finding their table and sitting down, the two began to discuss life. It was like old friends catching up after a long break. Although it took some time, Gerald began to warm u

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sullyrr
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend and I got kicked out of a NBA game because we went dressed in brightly coloured chicken suits.

Two flagrant fowls means an automatic ejection.

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m so bright my daddy calls me son.
πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/phrygianhalfcad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My child isn’t so smart, but I always knew I was bright

Because my dad called me son

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesw4408
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I think this kid has a bright future
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/niko5253
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the lamps do after their date

They got turned on

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Contonion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Light travels faster than sound..

That's why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

πŸ‘︎ 57
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Snugl-v203
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2020
🚨︎ report
The local motorway has become blocked after a lorry shed it's load of brightly coloured writing paper and envelopes.

Police say the traffic is pretty stationery...

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report

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