My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So I have an uncle, once removed.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
My birthday is on July 24th, shame I was born in america. If I was born anywhere else....
my birthday would be 24/7
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︎ Oct 18 2020
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
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︎ Dec 10 2020
TIL: Humans are born with four kidneys
When they grow up, two of them becomes adult knees
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︎ Sep 24 2020
Why was the night Jesus was born so quiet?
Mary was giving Joseph the silent treatment for not booking a room in advance (this came from my dad π€£π€£)
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︎ Dec 12 2020
If a baby is born on a plane, i guess you could call it... airborn
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︎ Nov 26 2020
your mom secretly told me that you were born on a highway
....that's where most accidents happen
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Why was Jesus born in a stable?
There was no womb in the inn.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Can a fencing champion born in France, but raised in the U.S. represent either country in the olympics?
Yes. Because they have duel citizenship.
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︎ Dec 16 2020
I read a story about twin brothers born with a single body and shared organs.
Age 6 they were separated in a successful 13hr surgery. Later in life they went to prison for armed robbery. They served 10yrs. Afterwards they wrote their book about being ex-con joined twins.
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︎ Nov 26 2020
Did you know that all bees are born near the ocean?
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Are people born with a photographic memory?
Or does it take time to develop?
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︎ Jun 09 2020
In what month was Shrek born?
Oct-ogre
(Credit to my 4-y old!)
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Since my daughter was born I haven't slept for 11 months.
Because that would be entirely too long.
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︎ Oct 02 2020
We have a joke calendar and we missed this week, my wife was having me guess the answers and we ended up accidentally creating this gem: what do you call a cow that was just born?
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︎ Sep 24 2020
I tried to visit the house where the guy who invented toothpaste was born.
Sadly, there was no plaque on it.
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︎ Oct 15 2020
When I was born, I only weighed 33.8 ounces...
Doctor said I was a natural born liter
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︎ Nov 05 2020
I swear I was born in the wrong generation. Nowadays everyone is addicted to their phones.
I wish I was born in the 80's when everyone was addicted to Cocaine.
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︎ Nov 04 2020
How did Bruce Lee describe his son Brandon after he was born?
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︎ Nov 13 2020
How do you know Jesus wasn't born in America?
They needed 3 wise men and a virgin
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︎ Oct 17 2020
What was the first thing Sinatra said to his parents when he was born?
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︎ Oct 14 2020
A Chinese kid was born before the due date
Parents named him βSudden Leeβ
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︎ Sep 06 2020
How was Ariel born?
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︎ Aug 30 2020
What is it called when you die and are born again as a hillbilly?
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?
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︎ Aug 16 2020
When I was born, I sure was relieved
I was running out of womb.
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︎ Sep 07 2020
Are oranges born to be juiced?
... Or will they only do it when they are under pressure?
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︎ Sep 27 2020
I was born a tree with a penchant for conversation
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︎ Sep 13 2020
Nurses in the maternity ward donβt want babies to be in shock by the temperature change when theyβre born.
So they make sure itβs set at womb temperature.
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︎ Aug 13 2020
A baby born now, in 2033, will be a...
Quaran-teen
Source: My local mechanic, bless his heart
http://imgur.com/gallery/XYWedTN
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︎ Jun 19 2020
First child born in a couple of weeks so I thought to give it the good ol try. Sometimes when Iβm down I go to the mall and use the elevator.
So it can lift me up and make my day better.
I tried to OC.
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︎ Aug 01 2020
Daughter asked, βWhy am I named Rose?β Its because a rose landed on you shortly after you were born. My other daughter asked, β Why am I named Daisy?β It is because a daisy landed on your head after you were born.
My son asked, β Why is my name Richard?β
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︎ Sep 06 2020
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.
We've made a massive mistake
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︎ Jul 25 2020
An alternative... was that A'Tuin was crawling from the Birthplace to the Time of Mating. When they arrived they would briefly and passionately mate, for the first and only time, and from that fiery union new turtles would be born to carry a new pattern of worlds.
This was known as the Big Bang hypothesis.
Joke by Terry Pratchett, βThe Colour of Magicβ, Prologue.
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︎ Sep 03 2020
I boasted to my son, "Did you know scientists discovered that the brains of male parents irreversibly change after their first child was born?" He rolled his eyes and ignored me, but I carried on...
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Real house cleaners arenβt just born their maid
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Is it ok to call the babies born in 2020....doomers?
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︎ Aug 08 2020
Being born in Europe is like going to the bathroom...
...if you're not apoopin', European.
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︎ Aug 19 2020
I can't say for satan, but I reckon he's born to play the part
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︎ Jul 25 2020
The moment i was born
I had an out of body experience
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︎ Jun 28 2020
Where do prematurely born calves go to get care
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︎ Aug 23 2020
If you are born in a car and die outside, you are literally
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︎ Jul 27 2020
My father was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
So, I have an uncle once removed.
π︎ 13
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︎ Dec 23 2020
Are people born with photographic memories...
....Or do they take a while to develop?
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︎ Nov 19 2020
My dad was born as a conjoined twin, but the doctors managed to separate them at birth.
I have an uncle, once removed.
π︎ 1k
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︎ Apr 08 2020
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