You gotta caes-ar the moment
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_second_choice
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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"Ar, Mateys. This tune be called Interstate Love Song".

-Stone Temple Pirates

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
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I recently ordered a couple AR-15 magazines that were on sale for my dad.

When I handed them to him he said "So you're done reading them?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Torab51
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2014
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Arkansas is the only state mentioned in the Bible.

β€œNoah walked out onto the ark and saw....”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/watzit_t00ya
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2020
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Do you know why there are no pirates in Kansas?

Because they’re all in AR-Kansas.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cheesydoodlers
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2021
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What do you call a police officer who refuses to get out of bed?

An undercover cop.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Imholt11
πŸ“…︎ Nov 23 2020
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What deodorant does Harry Potter wear?

Ex-smelly-arMpits

As inspired by a three year old who couldn't say Expelliarmus - the charm that makes whatever your opponents holding fly out of their hand - usually their wand.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JVM_
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
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What type of writing makes everyone laugh?

arTICKLE

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OctColorados
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
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What are the most relaxing sounds to a pirate?

"A.S.M....'ARRR!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/uuuu777777
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2020
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Where did the onion find his family history?

In the archives

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πŸ‘€︎ u/frankiervi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2020
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Went oolang way for this pun...
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πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
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What Is a Pirate's Favorite Element?

Argon - (Ar)

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bvoxl
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2020
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I was friends with a guy that cross bred insects.

I liked him ar first, but soon got tired of his ant ticks.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2018
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5yo daughter asked why I was the one who decided how much grated parmesan she could have on her pasta...

...I told her it was because in our house, I'm Julius Cheese-ar!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/rubbergoat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2018
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Happy 2019

My brain:

Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it Don’t say it

Me: β€˜hAvEn’t HaD A sHoWeR sInCe LaSt YeAr’

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lewis_13_99
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
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Random terrible puns I came up with using (some of) the 50 States
  • Alaska girl out when the times right
  • Arkansas right? (Ar Can Saw right?)
  • I’ll California
  • He’s gonna Florida car!
  • Iowa lot of money right now
  • He was in a state of Missouri for the past few days
  • He’s the Maine character of the book
  • Mind Washington dishes tonight?
  • Can I get a Minnesota with my burger?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GodofWar1234
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2017
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Daughter made this up. Where do you go to find spices they no longer use?

The Ar-chives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/werdnadrew
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2017
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An old favourite

Dad: "Fancy a trip to Argate?"
Me: "Huh? Where's Argate?"
Dad: "Bottom of Ar-garden"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/magpie_army
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2013
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You're all like family to me.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zoxcat
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2016
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Dad, is than an octopus?

SO and I were walking in Port Angeles, WA near the octopus statue made out of small rocks and pebbles... and we overheard this conversation between a kid and his dad:

> Dad, is that an octopus?

> No, son, that's a rock-topus.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockSniffer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2015
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My dad on an airplane 10 years ago

My dad told me this, never registered in my brain that it was a dad joke until just now. He worked in Memphis, TN but we lived north of Little Rock, AR, so he would hop a 30 minute flight on weekends on a super small commercial jet to come home.

One time there were literally no other passengers on the flight (12-20 passenger plane IIRC). The flight attendant told him "you're our only passenger, pick whatever seat you'd like"

He looked to his left and said "He's in my seat" and pointed to the pilot.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IONTOP
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2014
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I don't always name my tools, but when I do...

Got my wife with this one today. Heh, I was proud of myself. Get it?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RockoTheClown
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2015
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Upon seeing the preview for "Prisoners"

"Don't mess with Hugh Jackman. He's got those long nails. And I hear he went to Michigan! Har ar ar ar ar..."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Gonorrhea69
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2013
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