49 Puns

"You could have bought the entire movie for less than that!"

Too bad it was from Taco Bell...

My Little Sister: No! What happened?!

Dad: Dont worry, he woke up.

My Little Sister: ROLLS EYES

Me: Hahahahahaha! Nice.

My Little Sister: Omg! Is this funny?

Dad: No, THIS IS PATRICK! (We all really love SpongeBob SquarePants)

I GET UP TO GIVE MY DAD A HIGH FIVE AND HIS PHONE RINGS AS SOON AS I GET UP. IT'S MY MOM CALLING HIM FROM THE KITCHEN

Mom: Hi, I was wondering if I had the right number. Is this funny?

Dad: No! THIS IS PATRICK!

My Little Sister: Really?! You too Mom?!

Mom: No, I'm 49 sweetie.

My Little Sister: Nevermind! I'm watching, "Black Mirror," in my room by myself.

Dad: Sweetie, African American, don't just call them Black. That's not nice.

My Little Sister: ............. I hate you all.

• I know this isn't necessarily a,"Dad Joke." It's more of a conversation my Dad and Little Sister had. But it was seriously one of the funniest moments I've ever seen.

• I really love my family. Lol

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"For I did not speak of my own Accord" John 12:49

Which is really no different than what I do on the other 49 weeks

She wears a different color jersey and big gloves.

I dad joked my wife today. It's my birthday. My wife asked, "You have had 49 trips around the sun. What do you think of them so far?". Of course, the only reply is, "Enlightening.". She was speechless. My son lit up with laughter.

True story:

Took my stepdad to dinner at Cracker Barrel with my mom and gf on Father's Day. There was an advertisement on our table for a birdbath they were selling in the store part of the restaurant.

Mom (seeing that it was $49.95): "I wonder how big that birdbath is?"

Gf: "I think it's about this big" (holds arms in a circle indicating about 18 inches around)

Mom: "That's actually not a bad deal"

Stepdad: "Well, yeah, but where are the birds gonna get fifty bucks?"

o.o

I'm thinking of opening a shopping center which specializes in only the stores you can never seem to find when you want them. For instance:

• New Navy
• Half Foods
• Over Armor
• Paper Clips
• 49 Cent Store
• Seniors R Us (really old stuff like antiques)
• Tom & Harry's Sporting Goods
• Pier 99 Exports
• Yankee Light Bulb
• O.M.G. Monday's
• Due Pizza (It's Italian, not Spanish)
• Rhode Island Closets (they are very small)
• Open Space (think about it)

>"Your mom and I went grocery shopping together and she asked me what I bought the big giant tub of Vaseline for. I said about a dollar 49."

Me and my family went to get our Christmas tree on saturday. It was me (17), my sister (21), my father(49) and my mother(47). We're all trying to find the perfect tree when my sister finds a tree with mushrooms around it.

Sister: "Look! I found mushrooms around this tree!"

Me: "Well we can't get this one, it's infected with fungus."

Dad: "There's a fungus among us!"

Thank you for allowing me to share. I don't know why I found it so funny but he said it without missing a beat. Hope you enjoyed it.

I was at work rotating the organic pears we were selling at $1.49/lbs when a woman shopping in the arms of her blind husband. She made mention of wanting pears so I said cheerfully "We have Organic Bartlett Pears from Rainer Washington on sale for $1.49/lbs". Her face glowed with excitement as she thanked me. Her husband moved his head to my direction and said with the biggest shit eating grin "Thanks for letting us know. They weren't noticeable beforehand."

I groaned loudly as my boss laughed. "Did I just get dadjoked? I think I got dad joked." The blind man chuckled and said "Yes... Yes you did."

I would be listening to Dookie by Green Day

"Hey son, what are you listening to? BLUE SKY?!"

"I did not speak of my own accord." - John 12:49

A Honda, but he didn't talk about it. "For I did not speak of my own Accord." John 12:49.