12th Puns

...but that's a whole nother story.

It really crêped up on us this year didn't it!

Now he’s a graduated cylinder

His name was Josh Buttlicker. Everyone used to make fun of him. On his 10th birthday his dad asked him what he wanted as a gift.

He said “I am so sick of everyone making fun of my name and I really want you to change it officially”.

Dad said “No way! This is our family name, which represents our lineage, and I will never do it.”

He tried asking again on his 11, 12th up to his 17th birthday. But his dad denied his wish every time.

Finally on his 18th birthday, he told his dad “You cannot do anything now. I am of legal age and it is my decision!!” He rushed to the court with a lawyer, and completed all the paperwork to change his name legally.

Then he came home, and his dad asked “well, what is it?”

He said “Dave Buttlicker”.

I'm visiting my parents and my dad tells me he watched 7 years a slave. My mom goes 'you mean 12 years a slave?'

My dads response?

'No, I haven't finished watching it yet.'

Me: Jurassic World is also out that week on the 12th.

Dad: You can go with Mom to that one.

Me: You don't care about dinosaurs?

Dad: They're dead to me.

Me: Haha. I love you.

Me: "Let's do it on the 12th, I want to be able to say, 'I got my diploma one week, and my wife the next.'"

Her: "I don't want to have the two events so close together, you can just say 'two weeks later.'"

Me: "It just doesn't have the same ring to it, but I guess it's still the same ring to you."

"I just gave my 12th gallon of blood this afternoon. I'm exhausted. That's a lot to sacrifice in one sitting."

I work at a Starbucks as a barista. I can't tell you which seasonal drinks were about to start on nov 11th or 12th, but I can tell you one of them has a molasses drizzle topping.

Today, a guest comes up and asks if we have any molasses. My manager's response:

"Molasses? How can I have molasses if I never had any lasses to begin with?"