Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.
Because Han Solo told C3P0 to never tell him the odds!
She would just Anne Boleyn.
Student: "Why is it so bad to have a pie thrown in your face in math class?"
Me: "Why?"
Student: "Because it never ends."
Oi mate!
Washington, D.C.
She asked me if it was present time, I told her it is always present time. She was lost. Felt the need to share
Now that's what I call high class living!
Urinate!
I'm still WONDERing about her...
My 8th grade English teacher was a huge dad-joker, even though he was like 25 at the time (this was 3 years ago)
He was playing at his desk with a ton of rubber bands, making them taut then flicking them to hear their vibration. I asked him what he was doing. He replied, "Creating the first song to my new band, we call ourselves the Rubber Band."
Not the best, but I certainly groaned.
I teach 8th grade math and we were studying the Pythagorean theorem, specifically the converse of the Pythagorean theorem.
I asked them, "What is a mathematicians favorite type of shoes?"
"Converse"
Some groaned, some laughed, some stared at me blankly, one gave me a genuine hi-five. That last student gets an A this marking period...
We were on a roadtrip.
Dad: There are 8 Wonders of the World.
Me: Huh, no Dad, 7.
Dad: Nope, 8.
Me: Hmm... Dad, no I don't think so...
Dad: Now you're wondering... You're the 8th Wonder of the world!!!
-_-
A dogerpillar.
This was a joke from my first book of jokes I received on my 8th birthday. I felt it was appropriate on my cake day.
In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.
One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.
The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.
Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, “I recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”
Soon after, another said, “and that’s his 8th, backwards!”
After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:
“Never fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”
It's in our DÑ
Mods, if this is against the rules, I apologize. Feel free to remove and I'll try and find better luck on Google.
I'm a middle school teacher and my 8th graders are graduating on Thursday. They've been a great, wonderful class to have, but they always complain about lame my jokes are. I feel that the most suitable way to send them off would be, either on the last day of class or at their graduation ceremony, would be to send them off with their own individual dad roast from me. (Think Norm MacDonald at the Bob Saget roast).
If anybody has any good dad roast jokes that won't get me fired nor get misconstrued for bullying, I'd greatly appreciate it. Thanks!
I asked if it wanted anything to eat. It said, Brr grr
Credit: my 8th grade English teacher
I work in Marketing for an east coast MLB team. The other day, we held a "Country Western Night" and had various attractions in and around the stadium that went with the theme. One of these was a 'NASCAR simulator'- which was essentially just a racing game you'd find at any arcade. At the 8th inning, just before closing time, a man walked by with his wife, both sipping beer and watching kids play the game. We were closing after those last two kids, so I asked him if he wanted to play, or if he was just watching. He responded with, "Oh, I'm just watching", gestured with his beer and said, "I don't want to drink and drive anyway".
