9th Puns

Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.

Dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, dinner, Batman

In the version they're doing, the bass section plays a bit at the start, then just sits there til the final part of the last movement. So, they decide to leave the concert and go out for drinks.

While at the bar down the street, they meet a European nobleman, and they become good friends. Unfortunately, the guy had been gorging himself on crappy bar food, and he quickly falls into a food coma.

One of the basses drunkenly checks his watch and says, "crap! We're not going to get back on stage in time!" As they're sprinting back, one of them says, "actually, I thought this would happen, so I tied some of the pages of the conductor's score together - that way, he'll have to slow the tempo way down with his right hand while undoes the knots with his left!"

And so they get back just in time to finish the Symphony, and the audience is none the wiser. The conductor, however, was furious.

After all, they'd left him at the bottom of the 9th, with the score tied, while the basses were loaded, and the Count was full.

Because they are the class of 2020

In Math class -

Kid: "Do you have a ruler?"

Me: "Not really, he's a President so he's the leader of the Executive Branch, which is one of three branches in charge."

(Completely goes over kid's head)

Kid: "I just need a ruler."

Me: "Ah, I'd say move to Sweden. They have a Monarchy and it's beautiful there."

In 1827, after Beethoven died, he was buried outside the local church, in the graveyard, and people came to pay their respects frequently.

One morning, about a week after the funeral, two girls came to leave some flowers on his grave, only to hear strange, unearthly sounds coming from it. Creeped out, they called for the local Paranormal Investigator.

The Investigator arrived an hour later, and with him, a small crowd, who had come to see what was happening to the composer’s grave.

Suddenly, one member of the crowd exclaimed, “I recognise that sound! It’s his 9th Symphony, backwards!”

Soon after, another said, “and that’s his 8th, backwards!”

After leaning closer to the grave to inspect this for himself, the Investigator straightened himself up, gave a soft chuckle, and said:

“Never fear, ladies and gentlemen! Beethoven’s just decomposing.”

But the 9th will be “the title of this book was in binary”

Some Background Info

On March 4, 1841, William Henry Harrison became the 9th President of the United States, with John Tyler as his VP. Exactly one month later, Harrison died, leaving Tyler as the 10th President of the United States. Tyler was elected as a Whig, but chose many Democrats to work in his administration, and often made decisions in the Democratic favor. This made the Whig party angry, and while the Democrats liked some of his actions, they didn't love him. At the end of his presidency, the Whigs were not going to support reelection efforts, and the democrats just liked other people more. This earned him the nickname, "The President Without A Party."

The Dad Joke

At the very end of his presidency, Mrs. First Lady wanted to have celebration. She invited lots of people over, and they all had a good time on Tyler's lawn. Tyler stood on his balcony, looking over all the people have a joyous time when he announced, "Never again can anybody say that I was a president without a party!" and giggled his way into retirement.

For the youngest siblings recent 9th birthday I put 9 dollars in a block of ice (had to bribe a local butcher shop to let me put a cooler in their freezer, worth it) But I need some long term ideas, because I intend to show this family with a lack of dads the full scope of dad jokes

We were talking about senior superlatives and one category was most changed since 9th grade.

My friend: I should get that, I've grown 2 feet since 9th grade

Teacher: What did you have before? 2 stumps?

My 9th grader brother at dinner: We're learning about evolution in my Biology class. Today I learned that 50% of human DNA is the same as bananas' DNA.

Dad: Now you know why I'm always going bananas!

My 9th grader brother: -stands up, pushes in chair, leaves table-

I was teaching a review lesson on the Aztecs to my 9th grade global students. We were covering chinampas (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chinampa) and I decided to lighten the mood by saying "considering the technology they had at the time, chinampas are pretty a-maize-ing. Sorry that was a corny joke." Didn't get a single laugh.

My mom was showing him pictures of my cousin on her phone that had sent her pictures in front of a famous ice cream parlor back in our hometown. It was the parlor's 9th anniversary and my cousin was pictured in front of a big "9" in the store. My mom was explaining to my dad that the place had been open for 9 years and my dad replies with...

"Wow, that's impressive. How did they get the ice cream to not melt all this time?"