7th Puns

Whoever screwed this up—- I hope he got stabbed.

It might be stupid, but it's a perfect 5/7, wood repost again.

“Yes, but that’s another story.”

I’ve got something to prove.

What shoe has a big ass?

Nike Minaj.

Amazon Prime day is on the 21st. I personally would not partake of Prime day unless it were on the 2nd, 3rd, 5th, 7th, 11th, 13th, 17th, 19th, 23rd, 29th, or 31st

And my soccer coach in 7th grade asks me: Do you they call you Will or Bill?

Me: They call me both.

Coach: Okay, Both, nice to meet you.

I'm 42 years old, and that man's son still calls me "Both" to this day.

My dad works on the 7th floor (of a 7 floor office building) and I work on the 5th. However, a guy quickly got into the elevator since he didn't want to wait for the next one. The guy chooses the 3rd floor and gets off when it's his floor. My dad looks at me and says "I didn't want to say anything but this elevator is quite odd today."

I mean, it was the 7th of April months ago...

7th grade World history class.

And then it hit me

Confused, I immediately replied, "No, they don't..."

She came back with, "Of course they do. They also have the 5th, and the 6th, and the 7th..."

While in basketball during 7th grade, one of my teammates lost one of his contact lenses while going for a layup. Without missing a beat, 7th grade me says, "Wow, I guess this really is a contact sport!" My dad was so proud when I told him about it later.

So, a little story Alright, so I'd say I was in about 6th or 7th grade. One day my Grandpa (Pop) and I are driving down the road, for some irrelevant time story amount of time. We end up down some country road that passes a bunch of cattle fields, and as we're driving he turns down the radio and he asks "Do you think those cows are very smart?" And I ask why. He responds with "You know, cause they're out standing in the field." That man, let me tell you.

Alright, fast forward to about 3~4 years. My friend and I were driving to another friends house, and we ended up on the same road, with the same cows in the field. Guess what I asked him. And I swear on my Grandfather's grave, my friend stopped his car, and asked me to get out.

"It is hard to believe this is my 7th year pardoning a turkey. Time flies...Even if turkeys don't"

He was helping his son (7th grade) with some Pre-Algebra homework:

Dad: "What does 5Q+5Q equal?"

Son: "10Q?"

Dad: "You're welcome! Anytime!"

The eye-roll was strong with that one.

I had to call the doctor's office about a new medication she put me on, when the nurse answers the phone

Me: Hi, my name is *** I'm calling for Dr ***. She just put me on this new medicine and I'm supposed to call in and let her know how everything is going

Nurse: ok, hun. I have to look you up in the system. What's your date of birth?

Me: April 7th

Nurse: What year?

Me: every year...

Nurse sigh ... what year were you born, sir?

Me: chuckle

Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.

The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.

Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.

For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.

On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.

Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.

Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken

There once was a golfer named Jefferson Handy. He was a decent golfer, even better considering that he was unable to stand for more than a few minutes without intense pain. Due to his affliction, Jeffrey was always spotted a few strokes on the course. Anyway, Jeffrey was always known for a smile on his face and his cabby hat he wore for good luck. One day, while on the 7th green, a lady appeared from one of the water traps and told him she would grant him any wish, but at a price. He said sure, and asked to be able to stand again. She granted him his wish, but for payment, she took his hat. And that's the story of the lost Handy Cap.

> I want to apologize to everyone today. These terrible jokes have been coming to me all morning and I can't turn it off.

Sent my dad a text to wish him Happy Father's Day. ( My Dad loves texting so that's why I did it in a text ) He mentioned that he was part of the Elks Serving Club. I asked what he did in the club and here was the exchange.

Dad: No song singing here!! We raise money for small charities, etc... Have the odd drink!! lol

Me: The odd drink, eh?

Dad: Yep, don't touch the even ones.

Me: Ha ha

Dad: We have the 1st, 3rd, 5th, 7th, etc...

Me: I get it. What do you do with the even ones?

Dad: Don't count them!!!