Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Did you hear about the bouncy castle with a size of 10,000 Sq ft area?
The entry is quite expensive, mostly due to inflation.
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︎ Mar 31 2021
More than 1 000 pieces of music by Johann Sebastian Bach have been preserved,
along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.
Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.
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︎ Mar 06 2021
THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.
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︎ Mar 17 2021
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".
I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.
The physical pain on his face was priceless.
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︎ Dec 22 2020
My creative writing teacher told me to submit a creative 2,000 word essay.
So, I gave her 2 pictures.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
This is a one in a 1,000,000 joke
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︎ Jan 19 2021
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?
It becomes a Megadeth song
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︎ Jan 19 2021
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.
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︎ Jan 26 2021
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?
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︎ Nov 25 2020
My wife burned 8,000 calories
She left the brownies in the oven too long
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︎ Dec 14 2020
A guy once paid 10,000 Bitcoin for a pizza when it was still cheap...
That pizza shop must be swimming in dough.
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︎ Oct 24 2020
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.
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︎ Jun 06 2020
I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children
They didnβt even say βThank youβ
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︎ Nov 28 2020
What do you call 2,000 mockingbirds?
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︎ Sep 11 2020
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?
Looks like a hundred bucks!
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︎ Oct 05 2020
On the news: βnearly 29,000 women have their breast implants removed every yearβ
Me, to my wife: βthatβs stupid. I would think most women only need to have them removed once!β
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︎ May 27 2020
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.
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︎ May 20 2020
I burned an impressive 2,000 calories today.
Thatβs the last time I fall asleep with brownies in the oven.
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︎ Jun 04 2020
I saw $50,000 mysteriously put into my bank account
I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it
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︎ Jul 15 2020
If I had $1,000,000, Iβd donate a quarter of it to charity.
Then Iβd have $999,999.75.
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︎ Jul 06 2018
As soon as you find someone who has 10,000 bees, marry him or her.
Thatβs how you know he or she is a keeper.
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︎ May 26 2020
Judge: I order you to pay $10,000.
Mario: Why?
Judge: It's a fine.
Mario: No, itsa not.
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︎ Jun 12 2020
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︎ Feb 15 2020
Apple releases a $1,000 monitor stand
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︎ Jun 05 2019
So the travel agency said I could climb Mt. Everest and it would only cost $100,000.
I said no thanks, that's a bit too steep.
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︎ Jan 25 2020
Someone recently told me being $30,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.
If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say "outstanding balance" below it?
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︎ Apr 16 2020
My wife was really pissed when I told her I spent $1,000 on a new wallet......
I told her not to worry Iβll definitely get my money out of it.
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︎ Jan 13 2019
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?
A neighbor-toothed tiger.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
The pilot says that we're 30,000 feet in the air. I disagree.
There's no way there's 15,000 people on board.
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︎ Nov 19 2019
[On an aeroplane] Pilot: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air.
Me, to my wife: Holy cow! Thereβs no way this plane has 15,000 people!
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︎ Jan 29 2020
Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?
The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.
The steaks are rising.
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︎ Mar 24 2020
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.
I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.
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︎ Jan 11 2020
Did you hear about the Indian that drank 10,000 cups of tea?
He almost drowned in his T-Pee
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︎ Mar 11 2020
A Nigerian man was found dead last night and authorities found $ 50 000 000 in his apartment...
...apparently he had been trying to give it away for almost 20 years, but nobody would return his emails.
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︎ Feb 20 2020
me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000
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︎ Jul 21 2019
For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.
I guess you might call them emu-jis.
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︎ Mar 11 2020
My French friend borrowed 1,000 gallons of water from me...
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︎ Nov 21 2019
Tried to count to 1,000 in my car yesterday, but only got to 500 before I wrecked
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︎ Nov 12 2019
A Jim Beam warehouse caught fire, destroying 40,000 barrels of bourbon. Warehouse workers were reported to be in "low spirits."
Seriously though, terrible loss.
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︎ Jul 03 2019
1,000,000
^
That's a one in a million.
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︎ Jan 14 2019
I ordered 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup.
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︎ Mar 29 2019
Just burned 2,000 calories in 2 hours
Thatβs the last time I leave my brownies in the oven while Iβm at work
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︎ May 09 2020
I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.
Left the brownies in the oven too long.
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︎ Jun 11 2019
A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills
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︎ Dec 05 2019
I burned 2,000 calories last night
Left the brownies in the oven for too long...
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︎ May 21 2019
Pilot : Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air
Me to my wife : Holy Cow ! There's no way this plane has 15,000 !
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︎ Feb 20 2020
As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them.
Thatβs when you know that theyβll be a keeper.
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︎ Aug 27 2018
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