Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.

That way, I always make a grand entrance.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Texgymratdad
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the bouncy castle with a size of 10,000 Sq ft area?

The entry is quite expensive, mostly due to inflation.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2021
🚨︎ report
More than 1 000 pieces of music by Johann Sebastian Bach have been preserved,

along with nearly 900 by Carl Philipp Emanuel Bach, nearly 400 by Johann Christian Bach, more than 300 by Johann Christoph Friedrich Bach, and nearly 200 by Wilhelm Friedemann Bach.

Together with as many as 200 more surviving compositions by other members of the Bach dynasty, scholars estimate that about 3 000 works are preserved in total, a collection that we today know as the Baroque Bach mountain.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MetaEd
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2021
🚨︎ report
THIS JUST IN: A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $100,000 in large bills.

No change is expected

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/junerlegion
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2021
🚨︎ report
Today someone bought our department a box of donuts and some lotto tickets. The potential grand prize was $3,000, in which my boss exclaimed "Well that isn't enough to retire".

I corrected him by saying that is plenty of money to buy some new tires for your car.

The physical pain on his face was priceless.

πŸ‘︎ 162
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Megaman_90
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
My creative writing teacher told me to submit a creative 2,000 word essay.

So, I gave her 2 pictures.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1biglebowski
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2021
🚨︎ report
This is a one in a 1,000,000 joke

1

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/invisible_being
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
What happens when you listen to a Death song 1,000 times?

It becomes a Megadeth song

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sandstar115
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
I tried to figure out how far 20,000 leagues under the sea actually is.

I couldn’t fathom it.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vehiclesales
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My friends keep trying to convince me to let a 2,000 elephant sit on me.

It's a ton of pressure.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2021
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow that could produce 1,000 gallons of milk every day?

She was legendairy.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dcapz87
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife burned 8,000 calories

She left the brownies in the oven too long

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WisdomThingy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy once paid 10,000 Bitcoin for a pizza when it was still cheap...

That pizza shop must be swimming in dough.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xtrendence
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I got picked for this five-day-a-week, year-long sleep study. It pays $15,000 a month.

It’s my dream job.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I donated almost 50.000$ to a charity for mute children

They didn’t even say β€œThank you”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Xenex2005
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call 2,000 mockingbirds?

2 kilomockingbirds.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ProfessorPi31415
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the neighbors floor made out of 10,000 pennies?

Looks like a hundred bucks!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theflintseeker
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
On the news: β€œnearly 29,000 women have their breast implants removed every year”

Me, to my wife: β€œthat’s stupid. I would think most women only need to have them removed once!”

πŸ‘︎ 91
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mistermajik2000
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Don't bother reading that "ultimate" workout blog. "You won't believe" their advice is just to walk 1,000 meters a day.

Saved you a klick.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I burned an impressive 2,000 calories today.

That’s the last time I fall asleep with brownies in the oven.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
I saw $50,000 mysteriously put into my bank account

I want no trouble, so I decided to leave it where I found it

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/UniBiPoly
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If I had $1,000,000, I’d donate a quarter of it to charity.

Then I’d have $999,999.75.

πŸ‘︎ 6k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DropTopTyler
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2018
🚨︎ report
As soon as you find someone who has 10,000 bees, marry him or her.

That’s how you know he or she is a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingInTheNorth57
πŸ“…︎ May 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Judge: I order you to pay $10,000.

Mario: Why? Judge: It's a fine. Mario: No, itsa not.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mama_Bear15
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My pun-making card game "Puns of Anarchy" got 4,000 pre-orders thanks to this sub! kickstarter.com/projects/…
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SnideOctopus
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2020
🚨︎ report
Apple releases a $1,000 monitor stand
πŸ‘︎ 111
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dabberzx3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
So the travel agency said I could climb Mt. Everest and it would only cost $100,000.

I said no thanks, that's a bit too steep.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Flazdude
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Someone recently told me being $30,000 dollars in credit card debt was a bad thing.

If it is such a bad thing, why does my bank say "outstanding balance" below it?

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aaron778
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was really pissed when I told her I spent $1,000 on a new wallet......

I told her not to worry I’ll definitely get my money out of it.

πŸ‘︎ 529
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marwoh
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13 2019
🚨︎ report
What did you call the cat next door 10,000 years ago?

A neighbor-toothed tiger.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hisdudeness9829
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
The pilot says that we're 30,000 feet in the air. I disagree.

There's no way there's 15,000 people on board.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dumb-reply
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2019
🚨︎ report
[On an aeroplane] Pilot: Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air.

Me, to my wife: Holy cow! There’s no way this plane has 15,000 people!

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the cow competition worth 1,000,000 dollars?

The higher up you can get your cow the higher the score you get.

The steaks are rising.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MightBeATaco
πŸ“…︎ Mar 24 2020
🚨︎ report
I had $1,000 extra in my pay last month, this month I was $1,000 short. When I reported it to payroll they asked me why I didn't say anything when I got paid too much.

I told them, I'll tolerate one mistake but not two.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/emu404
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the Indian that drank 10,000 cups of tea?

He almost drowned in his T-Pee

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DCshotgun17
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
A Nigerian man was found dead last night and authorities found $ 50 000 000 in his apartment...

...apparently he had been trying to give it away for almost 20 years, but nobody would return his emails.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tgglas
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
me: wanna hear a joke about $1,000

her: sure

me: K

πŸ‘︎ 144
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rocketshoe21
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2019
🚨︎ report
For over 30,000 years humans gave each other social "likes" by sharing beads made from ostrich eggs.

I guess you might call them emu-jis.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JoeFas
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My French friend borrowed 1,000 gallons of water from me...

He wrote me an IO eau.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Tried to count to 1,000 in my car yesterday, but only got to 500 before I wrecked

I hit the median

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StealthAnus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A Jim Beam warehouse caught fire, destroying 40,000 barrels of bourbon. Warehouse workers were reported to be in "low spirits."

Seriously though, terrible loss.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/relativelyben
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
1,000,000

^ That's a one in a million.

πŸ‘︎ 133
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DTMF223
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I ordered 2,000 pounds of Chinese soup.

It weighed won ton.

πŸ‘︎ 54
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29 2019
🚨︎ report
Just burned 2,000 calories in 2 hours

That’s the last time I leave my brownies in the oven while I’m at work

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/darkalan64
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I burned 2,000 calories yesterday.

Left the brownies in the oven too long.

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
A man is still in critical condition after swallowing $250,000 in large bills

No change is expected.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Limelight_019283
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I burned 2,000 calories last night

Left the brownies in the oven for too long...

πŸ‘︎ 63
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swiggetyswine69
πŸ“…︎ May 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Pilot : Ladies and Gentlemen, we are 30,000 feet in the air

Me to my wife : Holy Cow ! There's no way this plane has 15,000 !

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
As soon as you find out someone has 10,000 bees, marry them.

That’s when you know that they’ll be a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 241
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Noel_Fletcher
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.